SIINFULLANGEL's blog: "Everyday life"

God looked around his garden and he found an empty place, He then looked down upon this earth and saw your tired face. So He put His arms around you And whispered, "Come with Me." With tearful eyes we watched you suffer. And saw you fade away. Although we loved you dearly, We could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, Busy hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best. He knew that you were suffering, He knew that you were in pain. He knew that you would never get well on earth again. He saw that the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb, So he closed your weary eyelids and whispered, "PEACE BE THINE". It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone, For parts of us went with you the day God called you home.

Okay so most of everyone who is my friends and actually talk to me know that im losing my childs father to cancer.It has been since thanksgiving since anyone has let me know anything about him.I have been to sick to go by there ive left numerous messages asking them to call me and let me know how hes doing.It is so close to our childs first birthday and I dont even know if her father is going to make it.I am just soooo depressed right now ive got soo much going on and too much to deal with right now.I think I just need to grab my child and run and hide or something.Isnt that running from my problem again tho???Yeah anyways im going to go now bye bye

So like I have been doing serious thinking and Im not so sure about how my relationship is going.I mean I am ready for comittment but not so much living together.I feel safe at a distance.Im not exactly sure why that is just something ive always done since I lost my boyfriend.I have always ran from comittment and here I am actually in a relationship of 8 months.But im not as happy as i thought I would be.We are wayyyy too different and ive been trying to make it work but its just not going as i planned.Tonight i told her dont ask me to marry her because I would freak out.I also explained to her that I think we should have waited on moving in together because I think it would have been best.But whats done is done right.I know that I am hurting her by pushing her away but if I dont love her the way she loves me I am not going to make myself miserable trying to make myself love her. Im not going to do it just to make her happy.I think in the long run it would end up making me hate her.I dont want that to happen.Besides i think I need to face my past and deal with it instead of running from it and thats too much to even state right now.I would turn this blog into a book.