CrashRLEngaged2Morticiaaa's blog: "Test Drive"

First blog on Fubar and just as I start, I ask myself do I really want to do this? A part of me has wanted to refrain from putting too much of myself out there to individuals at this network, because there's a lot of things about this forum that seems a little trivial to me and a lot disingenous. A social setting, cast as though it's in a bar, a place for adults to meet and talk and even have things like FuMarriage and have owners, etc. There's also the pretentiousness of some with all of the photos they have to take or things they have to do with cams and other "requests" to gain attention. There's also moments were it seems like a bunch of people are just trying to say each others names and as though they know each other, yet they rarely say much if anything at all to one and other. I spend myself watching the conversations at times more than participating in them because I'm more of a topic conversationist or enjoy a debate than I do just saying hello and what's up. Most of it doesn't bother me though, because I take it as entertainment, but sometimes, some of it will get on my nerves, especially when I feel like people are just looking for reasons to get upset about something that should be fun. I found myself tonight wanting to call someone out on the way he was acting towards another person, acting so childish.

However, I understand that's a part of being human. To take chances, to get hurt because someone doesn't appreciate you or doesn't give you the same attention they might give to others because either they are more physically attractive or they just caught that person's eye before you ever came along. I understand having one or two moments with someone and becoming interested in speaking with them the next day, but that person not having the same enthusiasm or interest towards you. It's for these reasons that though I can easily walk away at times from this media, I might still find myself caring about this aspect of a conversation that I felt went wrong or find myself caring about someone's approval because they moved me in some way or just filled a momentary need of social interaction. It might be just curiousity but that's what a lot of socializing is, finding out more about someone and learning more and more as you go along. We all think we truly know people, but until we actually get inside their minds, we really know only what they allow us to know.

So I'm not sure yet just what I might do with this blog, but I've got a feeling that I'm going to have one. I love to write, I do it all the day, it's basically my career and lately I've found less time to really express myself through an outlet because previous blogs I have abandoned. So perhaps I'll keep this one going, and build it into a good bucket of thoughts or topics for the few people on here that might read it. Or perhaps I'll just keep it up to read what I was thinking upon creation. Who knows.