CrashRLEngaged2Morticiaaa's blog: "Test Drive"

You came to me like a hard charger, being as blunt and forceful as few have come before. You invited yourself into my little space of the world, almost demanding to know me and my method. Soon you invited yourself into my mind. You said all of those things I'd like to hear, pulling on the desires to know more and learn about a mystery. Your voice was instantly intoxicating, your spirit came through loud and clear. Your laughter was like a brilliant chorus to my imagination, I could hear your smile and your somber. Wonderment and tenderness filled my mind just as you took your leave, building an uncontrolable longing for the next encounter.

Time went by and the familiar feeling of uncertainly occured. When shall we speak again I wondered, when will time stand still once more just to hear your breath and sigh? As the clock ticked, day became night, nights became days, I waited. You would return, bringing back moments of edge, moments of dying to hear more, to speak more, to experience more. However, the time seemed to fade again and later, so did the feeling of your charge, your question, your gaze.

Now I sit, yet move on. I do wonder if that moment shall ever comeback again, or is the window closed for good, just like that. It was a merry meet, a fun experience that I'll treasure no doubt. However, curiosity and uncertainty fill my head at the moment, rendering me speechless at times. I can lavish in the moment over and over again, but it won't be the same and creating a dungeon out of a memory is never good for the heart.

How so though am I to move forward with such questions spinning in my mind? It's hard to take the next step when you're still stuck in the shadows of a night.

I believe in the golden rule. I believe that treating others with the same respect and courtesy that I want. I may have my sarcastic moments, but I generally treat everyone with a clean slate and with a respectful approach.

I believe in giving an open heart and letting people in rather than pushing away. I'm no pushover, I will not let my heart be trampled on, but I have had friends for decades because I gave them caring and support and they still know to this day I will not leave their side.

I believe in giving second and third chances. I've had several chances in my day and don't understand the point in being open and shut with people or situations. Life is too short yet with too much space to fill, for there only to be one opportunity to make the right choice. I also believe in questioning just what the right choice is because it can be different for different people and situations.

I believe in being genuine and having humility. I'm sometimes horrible with compliments because of being humble but I think being able to analyze yourself just makes you that much more human. Being genuine to others will also generally follow my belief of the golden rule.

I believe there is a God or some type of creative system, but I don't practice the belief of constantly questioning it or even celebrating a particulr story that was told here or there based off of someone else's perception. I don't let it effect my everyday life. My conception of God is that our unique existance is a part of a grand design and doesn't have to be simplified by the man-made institution of religion. To be clear, that doesn't mean that I have any problems with those who do practice religion, I respect their choices, I just don't share the same personal belief. I've had plenty of friends that have so many vast belief systems.

I believe in always telling those you truly love, that you love them every chance you get. You never know when that last chance might be. My deepest regret is not having the chance to tell certain individuals how much they meant to me, especially my father. It's one of the things that makes me most upset about his passing over a year ago.

I believe in emotions, both having them and showing them. What is the point of keeping things bottled up, what is the point of not letting others know how you feel. The worst that can happen is they run away from you, but if they run away from you, then they probably weren't going to be in it for the long haul to start with.

I believe that relationships should be extended friendships with obvious intimacy. I've never once gone into a relationship thinking it wouldn't last and that's because I've generally had a common bond with every woman I've ever cared about. If I can't like them as a person, as a possible friend, how in the world could I love them as a lover or a spouse?

I believe in athletics and activity. This may seem trivial to some, but we have such a small window of life and we were given muscles and joints for a reason. It doesn't matter what it is from sports, running, hiking, playing outside with the kids, whatever, I believe it's key to be active as long as you possibly can because when you're old, you're going to wish that your legs worked the same way they did when you were younger.

I believe in appreciating what you have but keep moving forward for more. Whatever it is that motivates you, let it keep motivating you. Life without motivation I believe can just lead to emptiness and possible premature death. I lived too many years, off and on, with depression to feel like not having motivation is a good thing.

I believe in responsibility. Whether it be your job, your mate, your children, you should always be responsible. Especially with your children, you put them on this earth, it is your job to make sure they get out of their youth alive. I don't know many who started out their life wishing they never had a childhood.

I believe in credit, but don't believe in interest. Biggest con economics have ever played on society is saying that one's goods and services not only demand to be repaid, but there should be some added bonus thrown in. That's one of the reasons why this country's economy is in the shape it's in. Give a working man or some struggling the chance to repay his debts but don't make it to where he could never do so by continuously over-valuing the service you've provided. 

I believe in debating anything. Once again, we have short lives and we are unique it seems, so we should be able to debate every single thing that exists or happens in our lives. We should also be able to debate that which we do not know and be allowed to ask questions.

I believe in believing the things I do. I will not compromise, I'm already too old to change who I am. That doesn't mean I have to be ignorant to a valid debate or argument, but the core things I believe above, I will not likely change my mind on.

First blog on Fubar and just as I start, I ask myself do I really want to do this? A part of me has wanted to refrain from putting too much of myself out there to individuals at this network, because there's a lot of things about this forum that seems a little trivial to me and a lot disingenous. A social setting, cast as though it's in a bar, a place for adults to meet and talk and even have things like FuMarriage and have owners, etc. There's also the pretentiousness of some with all of the photos they have to take or things they have to do with cams and other "requests" to gain attention. There's also moments were it seems like a bunch of people are just trying to say each others names and as though they know each other, yet they rarely say much if anything at all to one and other. I spend myself watching the conversations at times more than participating in them because I'm more of a topic conversationist or enjoy a debate than I do just saying hello and what's up. Most of it doesn't bother me though, because I take it as entertainment, but sometimes, some of it will get on my nerves, especially when I feel like people are just looking for reasons to get upset about something that should be fun. I found myself tonight wanting to call someone out on the way he was acting towards another person, acting so childish.

However, I understand that's a part of being human. To take chances, to get hurt because someone doesn't appreciate you or doesn't give you the same attention they might give to others because either they are more physically attractive or they just caught that person's eye before you ever came along. I understand having one or two moments with someone and becoming interested in speaking with them the next day, but that person not having the same enthusiasm or interest towards you. It's for these reasons that though I can easily walk away at times from this media, I might still find myself caring about this aspect of a conversation that I felt went wrong or find myself caring about someone's approval because they moved me in some way or just filled a momentary need of social interaction. It might be just curiousity but that's what a lot of socializing is, finding out more about someone and learning more and more as you go along. We all think we truly know people, but until we actually get inside their minds, we really know only what they allow us to know.

So I'm not sure yet just what I might do with this blog, but I've got a feeling that I'm going to have one. I love to write, I do it all the day, it's basically my career and lately I've found less time to really express myself through an outlet because previous blogs I have abandoned. So perhaps I'll keep this one going, and build it into a good bucket of thoughts or topics for the few people on here that might read it. Or perhaps I'll just keep it up to read what I was thinking upon creation. Who knows.