Have you ever just felt ugly and not just once in awhile I mean all the time. You take pics and none look right you look like a fat ugly person who shouldnt even be alowed out in public. Well thats the way I feel 24/7. I hate looking in the mirror and having my pic taking thats why I dont have many face pics because I hate my face.It took Krissie weeks to get me to take a pic with her and if I had my way I would have deleted it, Yes I did upload it but I hate every pic I have up and poeple can say well if you didnt like it you wouldnt upload it for all to see. Well let me tell you I hate every pic I have up that shows my face but they are all I have so yes I out them up so poeple can see what I really look like. I am very hard on myself but in this world today looks mean everything. No matter what I will always look like this and I dont have to like the way I look , I have been this way my whole life no matter what poeple say I will always think this I hate myself.I wish 1 day I would look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman looking back at me but it hasnt happened in 33 yrs why would it happen now.I have some New Years Resolutions and I will do this I will quit smoking and lose 40lbs. But doing those will not make me pretty but maybe I will feel better about myself. Maybe I wont be ashamed to be seen in a swimsuit. Maybe I wont hide under a big tshirt when swimming. Maybe doing this will help my self esteem.Give me some where I defeintly need it.Because I do lack self esteem. I have always hated myself always I have never been able to think I was any good at anything, looks or anything. I know that no matter what I am irreplaceable. I can be replaced by someone younger and slimmer and prettier no matter what someone tells me I know I am. Someone younger with a nice body who is pretty.I am really down after looking at those new pics which I deleted 2 after I put them up 2 had to go and I dont know how long the other will be up but prolly not long I just hate em all of em all of me
