TxScorpion's blog: "True American"

Get your flag ready for 09/11/2007 >>> >>> Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this >>> Email >>> immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward >>> it. >>> We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all >>> across this great land and into every community in the United States of >>> America. >>> >>> If you forward this email ... each of those people do the same ... you >>> get >>> the idea. >>> >>> THE PROGRAM: >>> >>> On September 11th, 2007, an American flag should be displayed outside >>> every >>> home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every >>> individual >>> should make it their duty to display an American flag on this sixth >>> anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this honor of those >>> who >>> lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who >>> continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home >>> and >>> abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms. >>> >>> In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in >>> American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood >>> shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but >>> disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it >>> shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our >>> American >>> flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over >>> terrorism >>> of all kinds >>> >>> ACTION PLAN >>> >>> So, here's what we need you to do .. >>> >>> (1) Forward this email to everyone you know. Please don't be the one to >>> break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 >>> and >>> let those sentiments guide you. >>> >>> (2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should >>> fly >>> the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority >>> on >>> this day. >>> >>> Thank you for your participation. >>> >>> God Bless You and God Bless America!

TRUE AMERICAN It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only it isn't seen as HUMOR, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Y'all know who they are... You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God." You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival." You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same. You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend. If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough TRUE AMERICAN in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. God Bless the U S A ! Amen AND PLEASE DO NOT FORGET TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IN ENGLISH. Git'er done!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why We Love Children! 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" 7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" 8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. " 9) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" 10 ) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think I just found Adam's underwear!"

I knew it was going to happen, but we just didn't know when. Here it is! Men's answer to Maxine. MAX Men strike back! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ----------------------------------------------- -------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to Build up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told ------------------------------------------------------------------- I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------------! ---------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. ------------------------------------------------------------------- AND MAXINE SAYS..... Wipe your mouth, there is still a tiny bit of Bullshit around your lips.

IF YOU DON'T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON. George Carlin's View on Aging Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 And your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!" 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!! Have a wonderful day!!!!!!!

A woman was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, She received a call from the doctor's office to tell her that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. She had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so she didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, she like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time she wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, she rushed upstairs, threw off her pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave herself a quick wash in that area to make sure she was at least presentable. she threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to her appointment. She was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when she was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure we all do, she hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that she was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. She was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" She didn't respond. After the appointment, she heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal . Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" She told her daughter to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink , it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it." And that was when she told herself in embracement “I am Never going back to that doctor ever!!”

Those Born 1930-1979 READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE---VERY WELL STATED TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. < B>We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After run ning into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them.CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?! The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" For t hose that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this. For the rest of us...pass this on.

IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since. __________________________________________ IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , KS ________________________________________X_ IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City ! ___________________________________X______ IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham , Ala. __________________________________________ IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita ,KS __________________X_______________________ IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker: She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments. __________________________________________ IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less. __________________________________________ IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi ! __________________________________________ STAY ALERT! They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE and get ELECTED!!

Four Worms and a lesson____ A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead < BR> Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine was setting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service --

How Enron Worked the President! (This is an interesting bit of information that you don't hear much about.) 1. Enron's chairman did meet with the president and the vice president in the Oval Office. 2. Enron gave $420,000 to the president's party over three years. 3. It donated $100,000 to the president's inauguration festivities. 4. The Enron chairman stayed at the White House 11 times. 5. The corporation had access to the administration at its highest level and even enlisted the Commerce and State Departments to grease deals for it. 6. The taxpayer-supported Export-Import Bank subsidized Enron for more than $600 million in just one transaction. Scandalous!! (Look below ....... ) BUT...the president under whom all this happened WASN'T George W. Bush. SURPRISE!!! It was President Bill Clinton! Pass this on so the whole Country will know. The Media Won't! ARE WE READY FOR MRS. CLINTON?