Trojan Condom Company, Inc.
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrouser, NO 22269
RE: Condom Modeling
Dear Sir:
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, Trojan Condoms.
Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our board of directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive romantic image of our product.
We did admire your efforts to firm it up by using Poly-Grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we’ve seen that looked like a bicycle grip.
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide there is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms.
We send greetings to your wife and/or girlfriend along with our deepest sympathies.
Yours very truly,
Burly Dick,
President
Note: Remember our slogans:
“Cover your stump before you hump.”
“Don’t be silly – protect your willy.”
“Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.”
“Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.”
