Over 16,532,551 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue,
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's, And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales, But I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry, Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop, Right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven! - I'm plumb outta my wits.
And speakin' of wits, You've got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you married me, back in '74.
Still them fellers at work, They all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles, And stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler, Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger, Named Naomi Judd.
Yo're as cute as a junebug, A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no far ant, Upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern, Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life, Like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight, Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
And when you get old, Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks, And let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, With a RC cold drank,
We go together; Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate, For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger; "That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds, From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, These will not do.
For you are too special, You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds;
. . . It's a new trollin' motor!
10. I do really like you.
You remind me of Freddy from "Nightmare on Elm Street", but I havea soft charitable spot for sad losers like you.
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
My grand-dad is also interested in chess. Do you want his 'phonenumber?
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
You are the ugliest f**ker I've ever laid eyes on.
7. My life is too complicated right now.
I'm seeing three guys right now, double booked two of them fortonight, and in fact actually fancy your best friend, even though heignores me.
6. I have a boyfriend/I'm still sort of involved with someone.
I prefer the X-files and a half gallon of Haagen Dazs.
5. I don't date men where I work.
I wouldn't go out with you if you were in the same 'solar system',much less the same building.
4. It's not you, it's me.
It's you.
3. I'm concentrating on my career right now.
Even something as boring and unfulfilling as this lousy, underpaid job is better than the thought of sleeping with you.
2. I'm celibate.
I hugely value good sex, that's why you in particular have no chance.
1. Let's be friends.
I'm saying this to put you out of your misery, because you seem like the sort of guy who wouldn't be man enough to mention it to me,and even if you don't fancy me, I'm just letting you know that you'd be rejected anyway, so you can feel small and insignificant. Now I Want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with, something you'll obviously never experience yourself.
