DKC's blog: "rambles in my head"

Seems like another day ! A day where things are just not as I want them to be. It gets tiring not sleeping due to to many things on your mind that you can't control, it gets tiring being let down all the time, it gets madding feeling like you do no right no mater what you do. Yes it's just another day and and here I sit wondering why it seems thing will not change no matter how hard I try. I tired of being sick and tired, I wake up tired, I work all day tired, I come to be tired why becuse for some reason I can not seem to find what it is to make every thing right no matter how much postive forward momentum I have going right now. I keep asking myself why are you doing this. I have many answers but for some reason I seem to be doubting myself. I am not sure why or maybe I do and to afraid to say to myself . Why would I be afraid? You ask well  it's more of the fact of mater it could be the truth I afraid of . I am not afraid to hear the truth from others but when I tell myself the truth I wanna run and hide from the world  and not let any one see me for who I may really be. I have closed off so much of me I am not sure how to find them parts again. I am so scared I have some one that I love and I am afraid of letting her down, hurting her in some way when she does not deserve to be I am afraid that I am not be who I want to be I am afraid that I will fail no matter how hard I try and there are so many that believe in me that it scares  me that I will not live up to what they are supporting me to be. I have choosen a tough rough bumpy gravel road to travel in my future that should end in a smooth black top road of happyness, but what if all I have set out for myself and the goals I have set I fail at? So today I sit here like any other day asking myself all of this. Today is just like any other day. today is the day I have to stop all of this. Today is the day!!!!!