Cyber Jesus's blog: "Thoughts"

Time There are a lot of sayings about time. If you think about them and what they are supposed to mean, time can fly, stand still, get away from you, catch up with you and most of all heal all wounds. Most of us spend our day under the pressure of time, having to be somewhere or do something at a certain time, We as a society have taught ourselves that time is precious and not to be wasted. We hear it from when we are small, “stop wasting time” or “we don’t have time for that”. There are also points in life were we are in need to “take our time”. How many times have you heard the phrase “there will be plenty of time for that later” or “good things come to those that wait” only to find out that there isn’t ever enough time. My favorite saying would have to be “time is precious”, because it truly is. As I get older I find myself thinking about things that seem like they happened yesterday, when in fact it has been many years. I think about the past a lot, this comes from “having too much time on my hands”. My kids are grown, all out of the house, two with families of their own, the youngest is in college. My parents are both gone now, my mother recently and my father some 4 years now. I think of them both a lot and of different times when I was growing up. The happy times, the sad times and the times where you never want it to change. Of my children, I can still see in my mind things they each did when they were small. One when she was 5 getting out of her bed at night and watching 3 Nightmare on Elm Street movies all night. One running through the halls of where we lived saying “nana nana batman”, she had to have been 3 at the time. The youngest, only 16 months old or so, chugging my tea from my cup at the coffee table, while I went into the kitchen. Now I look at them all grown women with lives of their own and think where “did the time go”. Time can fly. It most certainly will catch up with you. It can sometimes heal wounds, even though it may not seem like it. You can not get it back if wasted. It will not stand still. It can and will get away from you and most of all there is “never” enough of it.

A Father’s Love The first time I laid eyes upon you, I was brought to tears. It was a miracle that brought you to me, and I wondered what I had done to deserve such a gift. You were so small and beautiful; I never wanted to let you go. When you slept I would watch in wonder, imagining what you would become as the years passed and you grew away from me. How different you would look years from now? How would I look in your eyes as you grew up? And I cried inside. I still remember, as it was moments ago, when I would hold you in the crook of my arm and you would sleep. You would always wake with a smile. You could look at your eyes and see the wonder. Everything from the time you were born would be first for you and i. the world seemed right for the first time in my life because of you. I wish everyday that you would stay my little girl forever. And I cried inside. As you grew and began to take on your own personality, my hear filled with tears because of joy. I could see so many changes from day to day. Nuances that to someone else would go unnoticed, the way you look at me, the way your face would change as you looked upon the world. It seemed like I would turn around after a moment and you had learned to walk and talk. And I cried inside. The years in our lives have gone by so fast. I often wonder if you realize just how proud I am of you? Few moments in my day pass without thoughts of you. I spend nights thinking of how short our lives are, and wish that you will always know what a great pleasure you have brought into my life and how empty my existence would be without your words and smiles in it. I cry inside, not only tears of sadness, but tears of joy and of wonder, of the person I see you growing into. Soon you will be making so many decision that I will have to understand and respect. You will be moving on in your life without my guidance. I hope that you will always remember the joy and happiness that you have brought into my life. I cannot turn back time, but I will always have the memories of what life was like having you in my thoughts and life. I have been and always be so proud of you. If I could have only one wish in my life, it would be for you to have the chance to experience the love and joy I feel for you. How proud a father feels to say that is my little girl. You are the most wonderful and special thing in my life. And inside I cry.

So many things have and can be said about life, many happy but more often than not most are sad. You come into life without knowledge or understanding of what is it or what is expected of you. As you grow and learn you see that people have expectations of you, and more important you have them of yourself. Life can be an amazing thing, not to be taken for granted, or taken lightly. What happens in a person’s life when they come to a point where they just do not feel they have anymore to give? Where do you go from there? Do you give up, say “I can’t do this anymore” or do you try again? So many times I have gotten to a point where I actually felt things were good and things might change, only to wake up one day and see that it all can be taken away. I sit and wonder at what point in life, do you say, “Enough is enough”. What do you do when you feel like that, when you can not see that anything is going to change or that no matter what you do you still end up with the same results? It is hard to watch others close to you go through life and make decisions that you can see will not end well, and then see others make choices that will take them to places you have only dreamed of. When you see a chance that maybe there is something you have always wanted but it is just out of reach, do you go for it, lay everything including your heart on the line and take that chance, or do you sit like most of the world thinking “better safe than sorry”? In the end life can be a lot of things, for some it’s easy, for most it is a hard cruel thing. Some may leave this life feeling they did all they could and are happy with what they accomplished, while others feel a dread that they should have done more. While a few will slip into a place where nothing can be remembered, nothing looks familiar and they are afraid of things they once took for granted. Just remember no matter how you live your life, it is your life to live.