I guess I retain large amounts of anger. Mostly for myself. I was supposed to be a Marine sniper. Or an EMT. Or a lawyer. Something other than a worthless cripple. My asthma and hearing (or lack thereof) kept me out of the service. My knees kept me from being an EMT. Now I'm taking up space, unable to sit stand or move much at all. Everything that has happened is my fault. My penance for past sins is pain. Lots and lots of pain. I can live with that, as long as I can at least take the edge off. Now my doctors want me to stop taking the only thing that keep me sane. I wnat to know what the hell is going on, but I haven't gotten an answer. Change my meds, don't just take them all away outright. I will not be responsible what happens in my pain induced stupor. i already have trouble coping. Taking everything away is not the answer, but a rather dangerous idea. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I could be dangerous if I'm in severe enough pain. I've done enough horrid stuff. I don't need to do any more.
