While I dream of doing, I'm never there. Where I plan and hope... The opportunity is far past already. Having lived in a shallow world where I realised at least on some level, I was smarter than almost all of the people around me. And before I was a teenager, calling the greater minds around me fools for the things that even I, a child, could so plainly and obviously see.
As I get older, and as time allows me to become more jaded, I find myself better able to hide myself amongst a simplier life and people. Wheras I SHOULD be trying to become a well paid technician, or philosopher, or a writer, or teacher even... I scramble to find a place for an ox to work. a factory, a farm, a moving company. I seem to be content allowing the potential great mind i've been given to rot away on menial tasks.
I'm a thinker and analyser.. I just collect and relate the information... It's up to others to interpret it. make plans. and them tell me what to do. I like to disillusion myself with a grandeur of intelligence, but I'm just a sheep. Just a pawn. I've got more tricks up my sleeve than most, but I've never been anything special. It's easier to just blend into the background. to fade away.
I had grand dillusions of being a hero as a kid. But there ARE no hero's anymore. Society and media have removed the mystery from so much. People always look to closely at things and lose the big picture. Part of why I fight the brain I was given. It over analysizes EVERYTHING... so that the greatest joys I have, seem to go in one ear, get turned into dust and as they pass through, and straight out the other.
the sell-outs metallica always come to mind.
"Just as soon as I belong, it's time I disappear"
if i want to, i can justify any act, and crime, and stunt, or genorosity. logic is relentless. you can logically conjure a reason for anyone to do anything, if you really try hard enough. Or at least conjure a way to MAKE them do it... lol
How can someone cursed with a mind based in logic, that insists everything is SCREWED. My head has reduced the entire world into a pointless waste of time and energy. One unneccesary sorrow after another. trial after trial after trial. everyone seems to say "suck it up and deal with it".. or "thats life" but when the hell did the world turn to this? Paradise is a state of mind. it's not a place. I ACTUALLY found paradise, for a period of time. Sadly, in the arms of a woman i learned to love WAY to much. And she saw it fit to end things (badly I might add). Just being near her, or in her arms, and the world didn't have a care for me. And like an addict craving their fix, their escape from the torments of this world and life.
I WANT IT FUCKING BACK ALREADY GODDAMNIT.
I'm a little lazy sometimes. I'll admit.. but I've ALWAYS been a good guy. some guy posted some poetry i'll re-postin my next blog. only wish i remembered who this guy was, cause the shit he wrote fit me to a T.
