Brian's blog: ""

To the Guy  Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before  last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.

I was  the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you  demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the  knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives.  

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and  earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come  across this rather important message.

First, I'd  like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my  pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not  that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.  

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber  Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had  picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.  

Obviously you agree that it is a very  Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't  it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back  to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you  leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.   That prevented you from calling or running to your  buddies to come help mug us again.

After I  called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in  your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd  done. Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as  four other people's in the gas station on your credit  card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons  and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to  a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with  all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]  

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp  mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke  the windshield and side window and keyed the entire  driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a  bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.   Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I  only used the phone for a little over a day now, so  what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to  get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office  and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as  my possible target.  The FBI guy seemed really  intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he  traced your number, etc).

In a way, perhaps I  should apologize for not killing you . . . but I feel  this type of retribution is a far more appropriate  punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as  you try to sort through some of these rather immediate  pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the  opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the  career path you've chosen to pursue in life.  

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.  

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,  
Alex