lux's blog: "thinking outloud"

So.. I was thinking about evolution.. as I sometimes do - and then had something to say, but no real outlet to express it.  So..unfortunately you've become the ones I'll subject to it.

Ever notice how evolution shows the tremendous number of offshoots in the lineage of man?  Homo neanderthalis, Homo Erectus, ... etc. etc.  In the typical chart there's about 40 or 50 lines, and that's just those they've dug up.

And we homo sapiens are all that remain.. what a coincidence! In the great battle of survival of the fittest.. and with the near endless variety of species that have survived on this earth.. only one man-like variety made it. Funny how we were all so similar.. only slight differences really, even with similar brain sizes for the time. Matter of fact, completely identical minus the one morphological change that separated that one line from the next. But yet, only one remains. We have a wide variety of birds.. they made it. We have a wide variety of apes even... they made it. But, unfortunately, when it comes to humans only one line survived. It's amazing and boggles the mind the sheer chances of it all!  Scientists will point out the disappearance of each line.. just vanished off the face of the earth - every single one - by different environmental calamities.  Of course, they still only have theories on why we were the only ones in the tree to survive.

Or.. maybe it's more logical to realize - there's always only been one line of humans - us - and they are misinterpreting the data.

Guess it depends on what you are willing to believe.

average IQ of states - and election results last year http://chrisevans3d.com/files/iq.htm and heres a collection of interesting maps on the same idea http://www.thesodajerks.com/jerks/2004map.html and heres yet another one that claims they are 'more accurate' - based on SAT and ACT scores http://sq.4mg.com/IQpolitics.htm theres a lot of claims that the first one is a hoax.. although even the articles supposedly 'debunking' the iq connection.. end up showing similar results. how about we just use common sense though - the red states have an infamously poor educational system.. and anyone who's been 'down south' knows the truth - I was in first grade in michigan - we were just starting easy division and multiplication - i moved to arkansas for a year - we went back to simple addition. if you cant believe the data - just go with what you know. yeehaw yall.

>> known alias 'lux', 'luxus' and 'luxus hexx' >> birth name 'David Christian Kennedy' >> point of origin - grand rapids, michigan >> last known location 'phoenix, arizona' >> last documented time of activity 'july 2007' ... sorry everyone, i dissapeared again.. anyone who knows me.. knows it happens off and on.. just remember im never gone for good... youll never be that lucky =)... im about to head to bed for the night... but wandered back here -- and i feel quite lousey about leaving this place and so many friends for so long.. and i do miss ya all... honest what happened since i moved to az.. ? ugh.. well.. not a hell of a lot.. but life became difficult mainly due to not paying for my car for 3 monthes.. and a little bald guy came to my door one day.. to take it away... im still saving up for another... and i work ridiculously far away. --- so... i take a bus. it sucks -- its a 3 hour trip. yep. 3 hours. -- so why not get a new apartment thats closer? or a new job?..... or a new car?? - good points.. im working on it... the job is decent and i dont want to lose it.. and im about to get a better one.. just got to get off my lazy ass and send out resumes.. - but even with the good job.. my bills tend to be about even with my income.. so saving money is difficult.. - anyway.. point is simply - as much as it might sound better to just say everything is going great! (so many people lie that way).. it hasnt been so great - but.. it was just sortof an adjustment period to the new state and all - ill get it sorted out soon enough.. im finally getting ahead on money now. and as far as my music.. in all the struggling just to get by.. and the long trips back and forth to work.. music was forgotten. Im just starting to get back to it.. and daily telling myself im not too old.. and that age is unimportant... maybe one day ill actually believe it.. anyway - hope everythings going well for all of you.. and.. even if im missing in action.. i <3 you all.

so my friend calls me at 6am.. as im about to finally crash out for a few hours... says hes been up drinkin all night - wants me to head over to celebrate the 4th.. lmao.. so ya.. sleep can wait - time to drink =) hope everyone has a fun 4th.. and yes .. i know.. i know.. be safe =)

so.. just was finishing up a demo of a new song.. now.. keep in mind - i spend most my time when working on music with headphones on - i live in an apartment complex - and people are pricks. I keep very very very late hours - so i work on music deep in the am. i almost NEVER hear my shit on speakers... also keep in mind music sounds entirely different on speakers compared to headphones - matter of fact if i could always make music from listening to the speakers my music would drastically improve...bass distorts the hell outta speakers while the same song sounds perfectly fine on headphones...all the levels sound different on headphones.. things that sound clear on headphones will sound distant on speakers and vice versa.... i resent the fact that im forced to ruin my music for their consideration -- but i fucking do. - now.. in the process for making a song there comes a point where its at 'demo' quality and to compensate for not being able to listen on speakers the whole time - i burn the demo to cd - and take it to my car - i then take notes of what eq work needs to be done - this i usually do at ear piercing volume - the true test of a song is how good it sounds at that level. soooo... tonight im driving home from work and listening to the song.. adjusting the eq as i drive.. then when i pull into the driveway - i sat and took notes on what changes need to be made on a piece of paper... windows rolled up btw.. and no - i dont have one of THOSE systems.. its an alright system.. but nothing to brag about - just stock grand am gt system - nothing to increase the bass or anything -- so anyway.. about 4 minutes i sat there - before some old motherfucker is standing at my car window -- i roll down the window and he says 'you gotta turn your music down or im calling the police' (isnt that a nice 'how do you do') and i say 'sir.. ' and was going to explain that i would only be a few minutes - that i do this out of CONSIDERATION for his old ass.. cause i spend all my FUCKING time with headphones on.. and this is the ONLY way i can test the music i make on real speakers. he interrupted and it just became me saying 'sir.. sir... sir.. can i talk to you for one minute sir' and him saying 'no.. i dont give a damn shit.. turn off the music - or im reporting ya to the office..' reporting me to the office! for playing a song all of 4 minutes -- oh by the way.. the only reason he heard the fucking music in the first place was him and his wife were out for a WALK and PASSED MY CAR. lets look at the options for a moment for a person making music - -cant play it in my own apartment - -cant play it in my car - unless i drive around in circles (which makes noting small equalization changes a bit fucking difficult) -and cant sit in my car in a damn public place all night without arousing a cop or some asshole just like that guy calling the cops.. cause 'that guy is just sitting there.. in an empty parking lot.. listening to music .. its suspicious behaviour' fuck these people. mind your own fucking business - stay outta mine. stop taking any reason you can possibly find to step into my life and make things more difficult than they already are. do you know what - theres one good reason why i love being up at night - its the only time its quiet - during the day the neighbors sound like theyre fucking remodeling the place - bang. crash. and im like.. wtf? they playing soccer in there? i work a different schedule - do i call the office and say theyre keeping me up.. fuck no - and im sure many of you think i should. i say fuck that - people should have some motherfucking consideration of each other - i hear assholes with their shitty music driving around in the parking lot with their BOOMIN system all the time.. so what - life goes on - i figure.. i keep outta your business - you keep outta mine. apparently not. i guess somebody pissed in the old guys cheerios and now hes got to go track me down in my damn car just to threaten me. FUCK YOU OLD MAN. AND FUCK YOUR STUPID UGLY WIFE. there.. venting done this has been lux thinking outloud

not necessarily in this order.. just as i thought of them 1) blow jobs 2) music 3) freedom 4) money (see #3 = freedom) 5) a high speed internet connection 6) silence -- i enjoy vast amounts of time by myself 7) coffee 8) did i mention blow jobs? 9) friends? 10) love and cuddlin (odd how that one comes last) hey im drunk.. thats the only time i update this blog.. and if you asked me right now if i want love.. or head.. the answer is simple =) im thinking pretty surface level tonight - nothin deep - this was thinkin outload with lux

first let me say - this is the darkest most negative little 'poem' ive ever written - it was written a couple years ago - and now i give you 'mr confidence' ------------------------------------- i am like... a billion fucking people youve never ever met i am the upper 1% the eschelon of human brokenness... i am the hallmark of intelligence used for its most ignorant ends i am mr. confidence i do not censor i dont remove i worship the purity of the crude i am an absolute mistake a wasted truth thats developed and grown more warped and wrong each and every day and i am a carbon copy thats degraded faded into a black and dirty smear as worthless as anything else youre likely to have the misfortune of hearing here and i... will fuck you for the joy of knowing i fucked you for the joy of knowing i will never love you i will never be the one that wakes up in the morning with a smile on their face i will only be the one that wants to escape to get out of this place and make a bed in my own undoing find a room that i can rot in that i can ruin without you looking on in distaste i can only face this alone and i am most assuredly the worst that could ever happen... an antiromance romantic filled with disenchantment a sickened blighted negative emo kid whining like a little faggot a drama queen - a chauvanist feeding off of misanthropy a purveyor of filth and madness a fragile black magic neer do well a manic lattice work of eratic slanted and stubborn lines bleeding together into something altogether indifferent and i ... couldnt give a damn if i ever gave a damn and you wouldnt get me to admit to it even if i ever have but i couldnt help but see that somehow you think you feel the same as me.. and no that doesnt make us the same it just makes you a vane asshole that thinks that somehow they can connect with someone that cant connect with anything and what the fuck is wrong with you is not whats wrong with me what the fuck is wrong with you is not whats wrong with me i am mr.confidence

id like to leave you all with something to think about tonight... this is me.. thinking outloud again.. always a dangerous idea... but so im talking to a girl... we'll call here - amordea =) i was talking to her briefly about her pics.. and how it saddened me seeing pics of people so in love.. well - that is, if shes in love now still.. who knows - emotions are fickle ever changing things - hopefully she is... but the point is.. it got me to start thinking of a great song by morrissey 'unloveable'... the lyrics are.. 'i know im unloveable... you dont have to tell me.. i dont have much in my life.. but take it its yours.. i know im unloveable... you dont have to tell me.. oh. message recieved loud and clear..' great tune... but the funniest thing about that song is... you can sing it - even when people are dying to have their love reciprocated (returned) from you.... even when there are 5 girls waiting for you to finally fall in love with them... you can feel 'unloved'... because the one girl you want to love you.. doesnt.. its amusing to me.. and sad the way people are.. the way we can be like that --- that someone is practically begging to be with you.. and yet.. we are selfishly sad.. because theres one person we want.. and they wont take us.. and we can actually sit and feel 'unloveable'. now keep in mind.. i dont actually have someone im trying for... was that too much info.. ? i love many girls on here as friends.. and i want them .. but no.. im not in love with anyone at this moment.. but i remember love - especially when i see people in love.. and i miss it. as much as i hate it.. i miss it..... as much as i think its a futile illusion... as much as i think theres no true love..... i still miss it. i miss pretending that there is. even if its only momentary - love.. is great while it lasts.. nite all.

ancient proverb say.. man in front of car get tired... man in back of car get exhausted..