Heavens Playmate's blog: "My Account"

the last one is great!  

Have you ever spoken and wished that you  could

immediately take the words back...

or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who  did....

  

 

and asked loudly,  

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around  and walked back out and never went back

My husband didn't say a word...

he knew better.

 

 

I was unhappy with the  women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes,

I was  approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

who works at the  store. He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

 

 

passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy  and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case,

the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day,

my sister has never let me forget.

 

 

my toddler decided to release

some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of

her after receiving looks of disgust

and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving

"right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a

voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now,

I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped

what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and

walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when

the door closed behind me,

were screams of  laughter.

 

 

Mythree-year-old son had a lot of  problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly.

One day we  stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch

in between errands.  

It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco,

I smelled something funny,

so of course I checked

my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.

I realized that Danny

had not asked to go potty  in a while.

I asked him if he needed to go,

and he said "No".

I  kept thinking

"Oh Lord, that child has had an

accident, and I don't  have any clothes with me."

Then I said,

"Danny, are you SURE you didn't  have an accident?"  

"No," he replied.

 I just KNEW that he  must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.  

Soooooo, I asked one more time,

"Danny, did you have an accident?"  

This time he jumped up,

yanked down his pants,

bent over,

 spread his cheeks

 and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people  nearly  choked to death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better,

thanking me for the  best laugh they'd ever had!

 

 

and a very embarrassed  female news anchor who will,

in the future, likely think before she  speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!

We had a female news anchor that,

the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,

turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set,

but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

 

Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh

and remember

we all say things we don't really mean,

so think before you speak