Lost Angel's blog: "The world of an innocent tease"

my life has been really crazy lately..  Yes  i am a proud mother of a baby girl Named Kaylie. She is my world..   yes I am lucky I have 2 jobs.. when most people cant even get one..  Yes I am single.. and that gets lonely and hard sometimes.    Recently... I was in a relationship with a guy.. and he and I thought about getting married... and then I found out I was pregnant and he was meeting other girls and texting other girls.. (all named Jessica which was weird) so I dumped him...  So in case you didnt follow that  iam pregnant again.   THey will be 15 months apart.. How does a girl do the single mom thng workin 2 jobs..  I need to get back out on my feet.. and I just cant get my ducks in a row.   Oh while all this is going on.. Recently my daughters father (who dumped me after I got pregnant the first time) was in a coma.. and thankfully he woke up...  and my dad was diagnosed with lou gehrigs disease.  Most people who get that only live 1-5 years..  He has had for a long time.. and Tomorrow they are going to do a muscle biopsy.. to see if they can find out exactly how long he has had it.. 

yes i know I said earlier I was lucky workin 2 jobs.. Been at 1 for over 2 years.  Then the other been there for over a year.   The one I have held for 2 years I have a co worker who is emotionally abusive to a co worker and me.  He has some anger issues.. He has to wear an ankle bracelet that tracks him and monitors him because he beat his ex wife..  He has gone off on my so many times in the last six months.. I am afraid he will hit me or my co worker.. 

So yes lately I been kinda emotional.. and lately I have wanted to get drunk.. and cant and wont.. and Lately.. I just been lost and confused.. thats part of the reason why I went back to Lost angel instead of innocent tease..  I hope life has some better curves.. 

granted.. Kaylie my world.. she is 9 months old and walking. .and has an amazing smile that just brightens the world..  Sometimes I feel like  I fail her cause I am away working so hard...

 I really wanna go back to college.. quit my main job and just get a better career so later down the road I will be set.. and I can see my kids more.. 

Another kicker I know this is all over the place I make to much for government help..  when I obviously could use some help.  Why cant single parents get help.. when they have jobs.. grumbles dont get me started on that..  Iguess thats al lI need to bitch about tonight..

I am Angel Bound and I really wanna level before my birthday... one small hitch cant get referrals So I need some help..  And I know everyone on here wants a cherry bomb or autos or perhaps both-   3 people could win-   I need 12 referrals and 15 mil points. first person to get me 5 referrals I will gat a bomb or auto there choice.  the 2nd person to get me 6 referrals will get bomb or auto-  and whoever helps the most to get the points knocked away- by spoiling me and rating like crazy ALSO get a bomb or autos..   Let the games begin... :)

My family has lots of issues...  going on right now.. :(   first my daddy went into the hospital yesterday and they found spots on his stomach.. they did not know what they were :(    and so did a biopsy.  Plus his health is just not the greatest anymore..   then my mom went into the hospital.. She had a day surgery..  They were checking some of her arteries in her neck..  and they came back ok..   Told her to watch what she ate.. When she got home... she told me my Uncle was in the hospital.. He may not make it much longer.. His heart is working at 10%... 

not to mention my baby daddy is still not paying child support nor will he ever!   and I am getting so sick and tired of working to jobs,.,,  Have you ever just gotten so fed up with life that you are just depressed??  I think I am there..  *sighs*

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body...
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

Send this to someone who you think is an awesome Mom.

May you always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God rather than by the cares of life

So its been over a year or close to it since I wrote a blog... I figured I would do one.. I am going crazy!

I am a new mother as of Dec 3rd.  My beautiful baby Kaylie was born.  The daddy of the baby is not in the picture because he doesnt want to.. He is not helping financially or anything.. he and I have spoken mabe 3 times since Dec.  

I work 2 jobs.  I have to depend on other people to babysit my daughter.. Keep in mind I never really been around a baby til now.  So working 2 jobs and not able to get much sleep..   I have talked to a few guys since Kaylie was born and all turned out to be mistakes...  They were just after one thing...  and just never worked out..

I have been in some of the worst relationships that has caused me to end some of the best ones because of thinking I dont deserve the good.. well guess what I was wrong. .I deserve to be happy... I deserve to be treated right!

So people ask me what I look for in guy so let me lay it out for you..

in noo particular order....

1. has to be sweet

2. Has to be honest

3. has to realize I love attention love giving and receiving. (if you actually care about someone you will want to talk to them daily. .and will always make time for them. even when your busy you will take a minute just to acknowlege that person you care about..

4. WONT CHEAT EVER

5. has to understand I am a girl.. I have my good days and bad days just like you! and I will act crazy sometimes and sometimes I will be pissed off for no good reason just patient.. and know I will always care and will more than likely apologize and make it up to you.

6.  has to accept my daughter as there own and if you have kids... I will accept them as my own..  and I do want more kids when I am actually in a stable relationship!!  and more financially secure.

7.I am a very touchy feely person .. love hugs and kisses.. and cuddles.. If you dont like that stuff.. or not often it wont work out best be friends :)

8, HAs to be easy to talk to..  and have fun with.

9.  has to like go camping.. playing sports..  doesnt want to go out partying all the time...

There is much more that is just the basics..

I am a very insecure person.. especially about my weight.. cause I not like supermodel thin...I have trust issues. from being cheated on..  and lied to..  I do get down on myself a lot.. and get sad and depressed.. but usually bounce out of it..   this is getting long I will shush....