theapostle's blog: "THE WORD HAS BEEN SPREAD; MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The greatest gift in life is the ability to except. You never know who or what you’ll miss out on if you cannot. Except people and situations for who and what they are. Except people for there faults, There differences, There shortcomings, There opinions, There reasoning, And just for whom they are. Except situations because every one isn’t the same, Because something’s in life cannot be controlled, Because things always work themselves out in time, Because sometimes the answer as to “WHY” isn’t always clear at the moment, And that nothing is ever to big for someone to handle with a little help. If you can find it in yourself to just except things for who and what they are, You’ll be surprised at the door to the realm of possibilities you’ve opened. They say “OPPOSITES ATTRACT”, We would have never known that if someone didn’t just decide to for once, EXCEPT.

When all is said and done in the end, what is there to carry on? Will you be missed? Mourned? Forgotten? Remembered? Will loved ones and friends’ remember you with love and laughter, or tears and pain? Ask yourself if you have made an impression on someone. If you have left your stamp in time to never be forgotten by those that matter. Will the legacy of your life carry on when you’re no longer here to live it? Live life to the fullest everyday, for you never know when it may be your last. Find peace in knowing that nothing can be perfect and that people perceive things differently so some may be happy with you and others may be upset on a day by day basis. If you live life doing things that make you happy, you’ll please others along the way in most cases. By all means live life to it’s fullest and with no regrets, because when you have regrets that means you have questions too. At my fathers eulogy there was a saying “Remember me with love and laughter, for that is how I’ll remember you. If you have to remember me with tears and sorrow, then don’t remember me at all.” Simply, this means live life and the ones you care most about will keep you living long after you’re gone. So, is your life going to be a fond memory or a forgotten piece of history when all is said and done?

If the world was to have a horrific tragedy where the only person to survive was me I could make it without a problem. You on the other hand would succumb to the voices in your head because of the lack of communication that you so desperately need and base your existence on. I use to have a lot of friends but now have none. I never thought that could happen to me, but it did. See I realized when I was sitting around that unlike you I can be alone. I don’t like to but for the past 5 years it’s been that way and I’ve learned how to deal with it. You need constant attention and things to occupy your mind because you’re just scared of being in solitude. It was hard to deal with at first but what I realized is that when people call me or want to do something is when they are feeling obligated or lonely and need someone to fill the silence in their souls that is making the go mad. Rather then sitting back and reflecting on how they could better themselves or their life they’d rather sit around and be bored with me because at least then they’re not alone. What they fail to realize is that they still are because like the other night when you couldn’t return a call or invite me to do something because I may slow you down or inhibit your fun in some way I feel the same when you come by with your visits. I mean I may not see well but I’m not blind. So when you leave you feel like you did your good dead for the month and your charitable cause will not go unnoticed in the big scheme of life and you’ll probably brag to your friends about how you have a impaired friend that you spend time with and refer to how much fun I use to be but now am just a bump on a log. The funny thing in all this is you don’t realize that it’s you inside that are lonely and empty and you come by when you’re alone because that is what you’re scared of. I sat for 2 years by myself as the voices in my head kept getting louder and louder until they were shrieks and screams of a desperate soul going mad with nobody around to hear them. Then one day the screams became whispers when I realized that me being alone and having to occupy my time by whatever it is I choose to do that day wasn’t so bad because it had harden me a bit and made me be able to appreciate the times I do feel happy and have good times probably more so than you’ll ever be able to understand. So the next time your bored, feeling, charitable, or alone don’t bother calling to see what I’m doing because I probably won’t answer. Sit back and listen to the voices in your head. Are they screams or whispers?

Too many people waste time and moments in life with useless emotions or too much pride. Anger, hate, and jealousy are probably what keep most people from living life to its fullest and enjoying everyday like it may be there last. I did for19 years and I’ll never be able to make that up no matter how much I try. Yes there was moments of happiness in there along the way, but they were too far and few between. I know most of the time I use to blame it on my pride, because I’m a fighter. Always have been and always will be, but I didn’t always fight the good fight. I realized this sometime ago, but could never put the plan I had into effect so I struggled with my emotions all the time. One day I just realized that my idea of what pride had meant was wrong. If you truly have pride in yourself, that means you’re able to put things aside for the greater cause of whatever it is your searching for in life. My pride and emotions I use to have never did anything but slow me down from leading a happy and fulfilled life. Now I find myself where I longed to be for so long. I don’t take things for granted or hold grudges anymore. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel some of the anger, hate, or jealousy I did before it just means that I know if I dwell on it like I did and not get past it I’ll stop living again and just waste more time here with people I know, care about, or want to take the time to get to know. I’ve wasted half of my existence already and I can’t get those years or words I’ve said back, but I can try to make the most of whatever I have left here. So, if I ever have a disagreement with you, and I let it go quickly, understand it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I know that we’re all different and the way I perceive things may not be the way you do. I just refuse to have what time I have left be a waste of life, because time stands still for no one.

I long for the time where there was no sorrow. I long for the time when I didn’t have to wish for a tomorrow. Take me back to a place when I was certain, Take me back to a place when I wasn’t waiting for the final curtain. Show me the way to a place of happiness, Show me the way to a place where I can burry this sadness. Give me one chance to believe, Give me one chance to be me. Let me have the courage not to scream, Let me have the courage to follow my dream. All I ask for is the opportunity to soar above, All I ask for is the opportunity to find love.

Hitting rock bottom is the best thing in the world. You get to see things for what they're worth. Are any of your "FRIENDS" there to lend a hand? Who can you count on to help you pick up the pieces? You're only as strong as the weakest link, and now you're the only link. Where are all those "FRIENDS" at? When you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. It's time to either lie down or get back up and brush yourself off. You've seen what you're worth to others, don't be afraid. Make better decisions and judgments next time. If you can rise up from the bottom this time, just be wise. Your value will be more than you or anyone ever expected. Remember that diamonds start out as coal until pressure changes the unwanted into the desired.

Well, some of u have asked when I was going to , or if I was going to post any blogs. The answer is yes, but right now if you want to read them so bad go to http://www.myspace.com/the__apostle These were written as a way of stress relief, class assignments, and just cause i like to write. Leave a comment on here or the other place if u want, I have a TEFLON back, so things tend to role off quite easily.