theapostle's blog: "THE WORD HAS BEEN SPREAD; MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The reflection that looks back at me is not of my own. Its allure is both breath taking and intimidating at the same time. When I look into the eye’s I see someone so beautiful and a soul so veracious that it makes me turn my head in hopes of not marring it for someone else who may be more deserving of it then me. Its moves are so elegant and carefree that it mesmerizes me because I’m incapable of such grace. To look at this image you can see that it’s clearly not me, but to hear the thoughts, views, opinions, dreams, and desires you would swear it was. I’ve been alone for the most part my entire life and thought that my time had passed me bye before I had met her. I fear though that I may also share with her the fears of being in love and the hurt and pain that are associated with it. I’ve never been in love before, never let myself get close to it, but with her strong emotions and intense feelings are there; it JUST HAPPENED and so now I’m stuck fighting the fight. It’s one of those that if we make it through, we’ll look back on and laugh at things and if we don’t well I don’t want to think about that. She likes to come off as hard to those who don’t take the time to get to know her, and maybe does things at times to force them away. I know what I’m capable of and her as well. So will we stand there and mimic each other, or will one of us step through the looking glass and take control so that for once we can experience happiness?

Jagged edges and a frayed soul doesn’t shine through Life’s lessons have been hard, yet you seem unscarred The shallow see you for your physicality’s, but I see something deeper A mind that should be warped and demented by what life has brought your way has only become stronger and wiser then people four times your age. Your soul is full of a love for life that many try to obtain but fall short of The strength you’ve given me in a belief that I once thought was dead is something that I will forever be grateful for But the fact that I can say I’ve met someone who’s true beauty lies deeper then the skin is something that will never be believed in today’s day and age And the sad thing is that too many people will never take the time to get past the physical attributes you possess to look into your eyes, hear it in your voice, or read your words to know this Perhaps I’ve found my reason for losing my vision finally After all there’s a reason behind everything that happens in someone’s life, and right now I think I may have found one for the thing that has puzzled me for the past few years; you.

HEY PEOPLE!!! THIS IS JUST A REMINDER THAT %99.9 OF THESE WERE WRITTEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF12 AND 28. FEEL FREE TO MAKE ANY COMMENT YOU WILL WHETHER GOOD OR BAD, B/C I HAVE ATEFLON BACK AND SHIT JUST ROLLS OFF ANYHOW. LOL

Will you walk by my side, lead, or follow? Will you be happy with me when I am and sad when I’m not? When we argue will you try and see my point? Would you be willing to see past our differences? When I fall will you lend a hand to pick me back up? When I struggle to make sense of tings will you be the light to guide my way? Would you let me know before it got too late if you felt I was taking you for granted? Are you willing to make one promise to me? Promise me that you’ll be my friend and the other things will all fall into place. We’ll never have to worry about who leads or follows. We will walk hand and hand through life together and whatever you’re feeling I’ll feel. When you need a word of advice, I’ll have one. When you need a joke to make you smile, I’ll crack one. When you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll let you have both. When you’re wondering what I’m thinking, just stare into my eyes and you’ll see into my heart, which is where I have you at all times. Walking beside you will never be a chore or burden, but rather and honor. It’s something that I’ve looked for in everyone I’ve ever encountered, but never found. Walking hand and hand will never be hard with you, because it’s so natural. Finally I have somebody that I can call my equal, better half, my true love, and my best friend. I can’t imagine another day without your hand in mine, walking side by side through life, because no obstacle will be too big for us together. Together we will stand, woman and man, man and wife, but most importantly HAND and HAND.

My days and nights are filled with thoughts of you. No moment seems to ever pass without a reminder of you. I think of the future and can’t imagine you not being a part of it. I have a lot of flaws that you choose to overlook. Maybe you see something in me that I don’t and for this I’m grateful. I’ve had to go through many things in my life to find the happiness I feel with you. And I wouldn’t change a thing because I found it in you, with you. All because of you I have the strength to live again. You give me the courage to do things I thought were impossible. You’ve given me the power to break down walls I put up long ago. Thanks to you I’m able to feel again. With you in my heart I no longer have any fears. I owe you more than I’ll ever be able to repay. Because of you my heart is filled with passion. I know now that I can say this and it’s true all because of you. I LOVE YOU.

When you hear the wind howl, the leaves wrestling in the trees, and on the ground, it’s the Angels crying out looking for you. The rain is God’s tears of both joy and sorrow, because he knows that you walk the earth and are not by his side, where he feels his most precious creation should be kept, so that she’s treated with admiration. Others have came and passed through your life simply because they couldn’t see you for what you are. You’re the gift of bliss, grace, passion, and your true beauty runs further than skin deep. Although I’m blind, I can see you for what you truly are; an ANGEL. I see past your physical allure despite how hard it is, to see the radiant soul within. Your words, laugh, compassion, mind, and gestures of kindness are your true beauty. The Angels will keep looking for their lost and God will shed many more tears for you, but right now, I will cherish the times I have with you, adore you the way he does, see you for your true beauty, and love you for all eternity. Angels aren’t meant to walk amongst us, but perhaps this onetime though my prayers have been answered.

The power’s been cut. The lights are all off now. Nobody is coming back. The souls been shut down and the heart has is condemned. The mind has passed judgment that the pain it’s felt is too much to deal with anymore. The wrecking ball is on its way to tear down the structure for good. It’s no ones fault, but sometimes things need to be destroyed to better a situation. This is what happens when a bad element moves in. It lessens the value of other properties in the surrounding area. In time I’m sure that someone will try and rebuild on the site. It’s my job as Landlord to make sure no other tenants ever step foot in there again.

Why doesn’t she/he call as much as before? Who is she/he talking to right now? What is she/he doing? When is she/he going to feel the same? Where is she/he at? How come we do this to ourselves? Am I the only one who has ever thought this way? Did she/he do something for me to be this way? Will I ever stop this thought pattern? If I do care as much as I think I do, then why do these feelings surface? Every time I get to this point I usually begin to doubt that what I feel is true. I turn all the empty question into a problem of there’s not mine. I’ve grown up the past few years and have realized reasons for things I’ve done/do. It’s never been the distrust for them that these questions/feelings raise to the surface. The person I don’t have trust in is me. I’m only good at matters of the heart when it’s not mine that may become broken. I tell people what they/I should do and it more often then not works out for the best. So WHY is it that I can trust everyone else, but myself? I know what/how I FEEL better then anyone else ever will. So why is it then that I distrust my heart so much and dismiss my feelings as to rushing in and the excitement of something new? I’ve never been hurt by someone else, only by myself and the fact that I’m scared to care/love.

When the chips are stacked against me and my back is to the wall, I know I can count on you to make sure I won’t fall. If I’m ever down and out and feel all alone, I know in your heart I can always find a home. In my moments of self doubt when I’m afraid I’ll fail, I know you’re the wind behind me that opens up my sail. Thanks for constantly being there, I know you do this because you truly care. You’re one of the few that I can call my friend. And because of that I’ll always be there for you no matter what till the very end.

Trust is lost and never gained. Respect is taken and not given. If you did approach life like this then you’ll try harder to keep what so many want yet ever obtain. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a blind man and saw something you missed? Or listened through a deaf person’s ears and heard something beautiful? If you did you’d learn to appreciate the things you take for granted. Ever have your heart beat through a child who just lost his father? Had a thought in the mind of a prosecutor who knows he put an innocent man away for life? If you did perhaps you may know what it would be like to have questions that cannot be answered. Did you ever wish that you could have been someone else’s kid? Thought about if you were never born at all crossed your mind? If you did then you’d be me.