Paul's blog: "The Paul Blog"

I just found out I'll have to endure another lumbar spine MRI to get to see the Neurosurgeon I want to see.  The first MRI was 45 minutes long, and by the time it was over, I was in so much pain I could barely move off of the MRI machine.

Apparently, this is required because my last MRI is over 6 months old.  I will also, of course, have to pay another shitty ass co-pay.  I am so sick of my medical issues that I really can't stop thinking about killing myself.

I am not happy in my job, I feel like I'm struggling just to make it through the day, every day.  The last 3 antidepressants I tried just made me even more suicidal. 

I'm sure I sound like I'm being a whiny baby.  I'm sure there are millions of people out there with problems 10x worse than mine.  It doesn't change the fact that I don't think I can handle another week of this.  No amount of therapy has been helpful.  I'm starting to feel like inpatient treatment or suicide are my only options.

I bust my ass at work 5 days a week just so I can suffer all day and night.  My physical and emotional pain are really beginning to crush me.  I don't have the ability paint anymore, which is really what I want to do.  I hurt too much, both emotionally and physically.

Sorry, to those who care about me on here.  I promise I won't try to kill myself.  But I can't promise I'll be pleasant.

I appreciate you, those who care.

 

PS - It's been exactly 10 years since my mom died from cancer, as of Nov. 24th, 2009.

I am in need of help.  I need to move 8 large paintings from Indianapolis, Indiana, to Kansas City, KS.

They're from my art show that has come and gone.  Nothing sold and I don't have much money to work with to get them back home.

ANY IDEAS, ANYONE?? 

*HUGS ALL*

NSFW = Not Safe For Work

Why do people get all butt-hurt about others flagging their nude or scantily-clad photos NSFW?

Think about it a little.  How many typical employers would let you look at scantily-clad or nude photos while on the job?

Do you think I have a point?

Transformers Character Quiz » QuizRocket.com's fun quizzes!
~ Barack Obama IQ ~ Honeymoon Sweepstakes ~ The Dumb Test ~
Quizzes | Movie Trivia & Movie Quizzes | Dumb MySpace Quotes

I have some pretty wild nerve sensations all down my right leg, plus my right knee and hip have been hurting like hell. I had an epidural steroid shot on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008. It's to treat "Grade I-II Spondylolisthesis". Basically the vertibra at the very bottom of my spine has shifted forward, causing pain and inflammation in my back as well as my legs. I'm not sure if the shot has helped much yet. It can take a few days to kick in, I'm told. Please cross your fingers everyone! Paul needs back on his feet badly.

You Are 85% Kinky

If you've heard of it, you've tried it. You're that kinky. You're open to any and all sexual experiences, as long as they're safe. You see the bedroom as the primary place for all your adventures. But that's not to say that the bedroom is the only place you get kinky!

You Are 20% Emo

You're the furthest thing from emo. Sensitivity is not something you exactly cultivate... and you can't imagine weeping over song lyrics.

I am still having loads of pain in my right hip and knee. The pain of walking is almost as bad as it was before I had the surgery on my other knee in 2000. I can't exercise worth a crap. The orthopaedic doctor was stumped when I saw him last Friday (9-26-08) - he sees and feels nothing wrong. He referred me to yet another doctor, recommended physical therapy and an MRI on my back. He gave me a shot in the knee and it hasn't made any difference that I can tell. MRI and X-Rays back in July really showed nothing wrong other than normal arthritis for someone my age. I can tell you this is not just arthritis. I am going in for an MRI on my back and physical therapy this Friday. I guess they're thinking something in my back (sciatica, a disc, or lumbar, or something) might be causing it. I've never really had any back problems, so this is weird for me. I'm really getting tired of this pain, it's screwing up the quality of my life.

This is from a band called "Lovage" featuring Mike Patton - the album is "Music to make love to your old lady by".... Go check out this song!! Lyrics to Pit Stop (Take Me Home) : I was driving In my car Late at night All alone Then he stopped me Asked me for a ride There you were On your own Now ask me why do I feel my heart's on fire ask me Why do I feel this strange desire Ask me why do I feel like i'm falling, falling Take me home What a wonderful way to go Take me home What a wonderful way to go Licking your greasy spoon Jukebox playing my tune Making out in your room Blowing up your balloon Playing you like a bassoon But if I only knew Where we were driving to I wouldn't have let you fill my tank I pulled in To your truck stop and i'm Sleeping on the asphalt eighteen Wheelin' and siphon gas And I'm feeling you're my big 10-4 Now ask me why do I feel my heart's on fire ask me Why do i feel this strange desire ask me Why do i feel like i'm falling, falling Take me home What a wonderful way to go Take me home What a wonderful way to go Take me home What a wonderful way to go Take me home What a wonderful way to go Take me home What a wonderful way to go Take me home What a wonderful way to go

The doctor was puzzled with my condition on Friday. He couldn't see or feel anything wrong. He gave me a shot in my right knee. I'm not sure if it's helping. He is recommending physical therapy for the knee and hip, and an MRI on my back, as a disc problem can cause pain in the knee and hip. I have already scheduled both for this Friday (10-3-08). I am debating whether or not to go through with the MRI, but am planning on it for right now. They are also referring me to another orthopaedic doctor who "does knees and hips". That doctor may want to give me cortizone injections, and if that doesn't help, they may have "scope it and clean it out", which would be an arthroscopic where they fill the knee with fluid, scope it, and remove debris that may or may not be inside (I had the same procedure in 2000 and they found torn meniscus cartilage that time, making for very painful recovery).