Lover Heartbreaker's blog: "The Pain.."

When you've had so many rough, hard times You've written it all down with songs and rhymes You get tired of being a companion with pen and paper You feel like you're nothing, clear, like water vapor. Wishing someone was there to hold you tight Someone to help you through times, tell you everthing will be alright. You feel like you are a nobody and no one looks your way Someone walks by, you think that maybe today will be the day But that someone walks on to meet up with their girl Oh my gosh, not again, I wish that was me, it makes me wanna hurl Sigh once but it goes back to the way it was Wow Emily, you look like an idiot again, sarcastically everyone applaused This is really how it is, a small town girl, figuring who she wants to be When you see people, it's easy for them, like one,two,and three Why is it so hard for me? I am smart, I should be a catch to someone My problem is I haven't started, not yet begun So I'm going to end this rhyme, leave my pen and paper I'm gonna go find me a man...cya later

Fear. A growth inside that makes one scared of something or someone. Anything can be feared. Why do we fear? Who puts this thought inside our minds? Is there any right answers for these questions? Is there a point to fear? No. We are safe, saved from God or taken by the Devil. Y do we fear? If we known where we are headed after death? Up or down, that's the answer. Period. Why do we have drama, worry or cares? Life is a short period of time compared to eternity of Heaven or Hell. Yes. To go to either of these places depends on your life on earth and how you live, and yes, this contributes to where you will end up. So if you know this from the get go, why don't you start your life up right (or wrong?) Wherever you choose to go, is where you'll end up. Don't worry or wonder where you are going to because you have the answer in your own heart. I know where I am going. I love GOD and even though I don't live the exact "christian life" (as some would say) and I don't go to church every sunday doesn't mean that I don't know where I am going. I've given my heart and life to God and will allow the path that he has chosen for me. I do not fear. I have God and he is laying down the path for me. I do not fear becasue I know where I am going to end up and that is with God. thanks for reading.. Emily

What happened between me and you For you to end it, say we are through I had such strong feelings, it feels like you have no clue My heart is broke, even though you did it the best you could do. You say that you still feel the same, I feel like i'm only at the bottom of your chain. We only speak if we have to..i'm sick and tired of this game. It is nothing we could have helped, there is no one to blame. I have to move on act like nothing has changed. I'm still the old emily, I'm all the same. This isn't supposed to change me, I'm the same picture but surrounded by a different frame. I cry at night, still saying the same old thing. "Emily you have to get over this, you're not supposed to change" I know in my heart I have, I wish I had him back and things would be the same. But in the end I know things will never change, and I'll move on and find a new link in my chain

Am I pathetic? Do people take me serious? What’s wrong with me? These are the questions I ask myself everyday. I look into the mirror and see someone I think is normal Is there something, a mask, an invisible mask, that makes everyone look at me like I’m so different? Do I not live a “normal” life? I do not lie, cheat or steal Why does that make me the bad guy? Why are there so many hypocrites in the world today? That they tell people what to live and how to be, but can’t even do what they preach. I try to be the best person I can be, I know who I am Who do you want to be? I know how to treat people right I think I have a kind heart and live my life for the best Why do people have to try to start rumors? Why can’t they just tell the truth, I know I do I just get tired of defending myself Most of the time they get caught in their own lies. I’ll just let them talk, they don’t even know what’s true about me or you.

I’ve been on the receiving end a lot in my lifetime, I know how it feels alone in the moonshine. When someone lays down a hand for you to hold, You believe them, believe anything you’re told. Then you see the truth, what have they done? You thought you were their life, their number one But you were proved wrong, you’re just someone that came along A broken record, playing the same old song. When you move on, you have the fear to commit You’ve been through so many guys, heartbreakers, it’s hard to forget The pain, suffering, that you’ve been through, But you have to get over all this, become a better you. Wake up, don’t live in the past, you have a brand new start A bright, better life, a life without the dark. I’ve grown up, learned through my mistakes. I’ll find the right guy, search, for as long as it takes.

One side always tires to do good The other tries to break through Only one body but two sides What is she suppose to do? The good side is loving and caring Always looks toward the positive Nothing can stand in her way She makes friends easy, tries to do no wrong But there is something missing This is only one side of her problem The other side is trying to hold back the wrong She never seems to do anything right Everyone looks at her like she is different She wants people to love her but they all seem to treat her bad She wishes she could have some of what the good side had But in reality nobody knows the truth This is the same person only in different moods She hates how she feels like there is always a missing part, like she only has half a heart What can she do to combine these two sides? She just needs someone to hold on to, stand by her side.

Much of me wants to speak out Say stuff but I’m too shy or it’s not up to their standards Most of the time I repeat myself before someone goes ok, that’s enough They just say that so I’ll shut up. I’m mute. Silent to the world. Alone, yes a lonely girl. If I never said a word again would they miss my voice? The sound that comes within? I guess one day they will miss me. It feels like who needs me? Guys think they can walk on me and girls act like I’m a freak. I just want to be wanted, is that to much to need?

You think you have it tough? Look into this from another side You have a great life, compared to most You take a lot for granted, that you didn’t know You have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep on and probably a lot of clothes. You have parents that love you, cars, tvs, and a bunch of stuff you probably don’t know. What if you didn’t have any of this? You would make it just like they do! I guess now you see what I was getting at, my point of view. Many look down on them, don’t join the crowd There are kids out there that have to fight for everything they got and they are proud The are less fortunate and you just forgot You wish you could help them , but there are too many Some of them can’t help that they have no food to eat! So when you complain of what you got Just know that you’re better off Why can’t you just act like them and be proud? They wish they had what you do, for crying out loud.

I have a lot to look forward to through this life Cut all the barriers out, with a knife Not yet lived, I have more events to challenge me Only one more year of this holding and I am free I'm off now into the big, bad world Open, exposed, my life will be a big ball of swirls A cut, here or there, barriers again, to keep me in line But then I realize, I'm surrounded only by twine I break free once again, exposure, but I am safe I can live on my own, I am protected by this place I thought I need parental supervision in this life But in the end, I'm alone, safe, in my own home, turn out the lights.

I liked you a lot just so you know, even though we only met a few months ago I told you the truth throughout the times, But you just fed me the same old lines You thought you had down the player game but in the end you were so shamed You got caught while in the act I'm glad I found out,oh yeah,I dont want you back That's what you get when you play two Now your alone and both of us are through you never thought that you'd be caught maybe you learned the lesson, your not as hot as you thought I hope you get what you deserve I can't believe you had that much nerve Now your alone and got pushed to the ground Remember what goes around comes around Just hope you think of what you've done But if not, you'll be alone, only one Maybe you should think of someone besides yourself In the end your going to need some help