This household consists of 2 adult human (?) males, 2 adult human females, 1 three year old female, appears to be human, an 20 month old pit/lab male, 2 1/2 year old cocker spaniel/chow/red healer/ dumbmation (this is a dalmation that chases cats and runs into trees) and rat terrier, and one 4 year old rat terrier, and on 1 year old white, curl tailed, brown spotted critter that appears to be a canine of some sort....
With that said, I have to point out that one of the males, who shall remain nameless, drives a truck and is gone all but 3 or four days a month, leaving me, the eldest of the bunch, alone to deal with the rest of the household.
Now, before you say, "How bad can that be?" let me point out, you do not know 'T' when she hits one of her bitchy spells, or goes on a cleaning rampage. 'M' seems alright, but is prone to bouts of insanity brought on by 'C' her three year old daughter. As for the canines, lil red is afraid of trucks, any trucks, within a one mile radius of the house, Buddy hates any of the dogs getting in his face, Shadow either guards the food dish OR sits in front of the heater insuring that he is warm while the rest of the people in the room gets the left overs, and 'C' is your typical 3 year old demon child possessed by some she devil.
An example of 'T' on a bitch fest begins with something along the lines of 'Where is..' 'Who did...' or 'WHY IS THERE NO FRESH COFFEE?' the last is reason to vacate the county. 'T' exists on coffee, I sometimes believe she could do without air as long as she had her coffee.
Now, when 'T' goes on a cleaning spree, nothing is safe or sacred. Locked doors will not keep her from her demented desire to organize and clean, after which, you will never find what you are looking for because 'T' has filed it according to some system only she knows.
'M' is a fairly decent individual who seems to allow her mind to take nose dives into the gutter with the least provocation. No matter what is said, she will, without a second passing, have turned it into a picture that is indecent, immoral and possibly impossible.
And being the mother of a 3 year old, you can see the looks of absolute confusion as her brain argues with itself on the merits of pulling her hair out by the roots and run screaming into the hills. (I hate to tell her, and I haven't, but that confusion doesnt stop until the child is out of the house and living on their own.)
'C' is an adorable 3 year old little girl, blond, blue eyed and possessed by some demon. She has the ability of any child, that as soon as they are not being watched closely, can find, get into, and instigate some incident which has the adults bouncing off the walls, and the dogs running for cover. As I said, this is the ability of any child her age, but sometimes I wonder, should I tell her mom this is only the beginning?
Now, Shadow, the pit lab guards food bowls, sticks, balls, anything with the fierceness of his wolf ancestors. However, turn on a water hose and he turns into an acrobat of superior talent and dexterity. Of course, he has his tender side as well, like when he decides he needs to be held. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night with a 65 pound dog on your chest licking your face who has just ate dog food....
Lil red has the most acute hearing, she can hear a truck of any size up to a mile a way. We know when the garbage is being picked up, the neighbor has gotten home who lives a half mile up the road, or the school buses run. The signs are simple, whining, a whining bark, and if the truck is delivering propane, a puddle on the carpet.
Buddy, the rat terrier is the alpha male of the dogs, and the smallest. He hates for anyone to get into his face, the result of being attacked a year ago, insists on sleeping on a pillow under the covers, and if he had his way, would be eating McDonald's for breakfast lunch and dinner.
Then we have lucky, the demon child. This cute, fuzzy, innocent looking dog has stolen pants, underwear, socks, pajamas, blue jeans, tennis shoes, dish towels, blankets, basically anything not nailed down and promptly destroys it. Now, the stealing of the pants, underwear and socks was to prevent 'T' from going to work. Otherwise he contents himself with attacking feet, sliding face licks at all hours of the night, midnight pounces for the hell of it, and dragging one of three of his security blankets around... yes, three, a sheet, a quilt he destroyed, and a towel he has partially destroyed.
Now we have 'W' who drives the truck. Or as I sometimes refer to him as, "He who leaves me in the loony bin." You see, when he is home, for the most part everything is normal, BUT, as soon as he leaves, the insanity begins again. He actually refuses to believe it when I try to explain it to him.
As for me, I am spending my time designing a house that can be built in which my room lies behind a series of protective barriers, beginning with a 3 ton vault door, followed by steel bars, a lion pit, shark pool, an Indiana Jones style boulder trap and finally a magnetically sealed door. Of course, I am also making plans just in case those defenses are breached... but as of yet, I have not been able to contact the Klingon embassy concerning the purchase of a surplus Bird of Prey frigate....
