well, to say say the least it hasnt been easy since last thurs. nite when my wreck happened. The head-injury REALLY srewed me up and is still screwing with me ROYALLY. ive got constant headaches/migraines like trple as many as i had before. I've had to go this a few times b-4 - cuz ive had so many head injuries & concussions. right nite im trying to deal with having really severe post-concussion syndrom. ive had it a few times b-4 also, but it has never been this bad b-4. the fact that i was knocked unconcious says a lot, as ive never been knocked out ever b-4 in my entire life b-4 the wreck last thursday which happened on april 10th, 2008 just for my own record. i didnt even know how bad my concussion was until after id been in the trauma room at the hospital which to i was transported by an ambulance on a backboard n stuff. having busted ribs and a cracked sternum has really made things a little mor ediffacult than usual too. i couldnt breath hardly for atleast 2 or 3 days after i got hit. the doc didnt really even look me over that well or thorougly (the place was packed), and i kept asking him why i was having problems breathing and all he would do is just say, "oh, thats just from being tossed around in the car." and would kinda chuckle and then quickly scurry outta the room to his next patient. not to mention he would give me absolutly NOTHING for pain (even with me being hooked up to an iv and all sorts of other stuff like an EKG, bllod pressure and oxygen monitor, among many other "things." the paramedics on the other hand, i could tell were a bit freaked. just the fact that they turned on the lights and sirens (called code 3), told me enuff about what they were thinking. they finally released me after numerous x-rays and a CT scan to see how bad my head was. this is definatly THE WORST or atleast ties as the worst w/ my last concussion/head injury. the moment upon impact, i blacked out. the big truck that hit me had to be going atleast 60 or 65 to hit me as hard as he did. i actually figured out by the way my car was facing that he hit me hard enuff to make my car do a full 160 full circle and another 180 degree half turn right behing it. when i woke up. i was facing the way from which i came. i was so dizzy when i regained conciousness that i freaked out cuz it felt as tho the car was rolling. it took me several minutes to just figure out that i was still just even sitting in somewhat upright position. my seatbelt is partially what saved me. the only other reason im even still alive is because GOD had protected me along with my guardian angels. everyone says i shouldnt even be alive. but anyways, i went back to the wrecking yard to get all my stuff outta my car (its dead...totalled and is NOT ever going to come back), and the car was so unregognizable that i just walked right past it until my mom pointed it out. she said the first time she went to see it she walked past it too since it was so bad. im only 5'1" and i was right up against the sterring wheel and dashboard which is what cause all the broken bones in my chest and God only knows what else. i even still have an airbag burn on my chin. and as it turns out, i hit the lft side of my head so hard that it actually tore my earring in the top of my ear (in the cartilidge) partially out which i didnt notice til sunday when i put the stud (instead of a whoop) back in and noticed all this dried blood around my ear. anyways, im a pretty fast healer, but im not sure about my head tho. since i got hit, i cant keep a shor-term memory of ANYTHING. i have literally had conversations with people and then the next day dont even rememebr having them. its really irritating. i dont rememebr the accident at all, except for vauge memories of waking back up after being knocked out, being transported, and some of the stuff that hapened between then and leaving the hospital. im having SO MUCH trouble remembering people ive known for yrs, details of stuff from my everyday life, along with so MUCH more. i cant reatain ANYTHING at all now. i dont know if its temporary or permanant. i hope its the first, cuz i cant deal with this. on top of it all, the guy who hit me is contesting everythijng ive said and now my insurence is making it all out to be "my fault". and even with this, my mom seems to just loose the ability to be reasoned with anytime the subject even comes up. not to mention she has really changed into a very diffacult person since she first found out she had cancer last yr, even tho she has finished all her chemo and radiation. even my dad is giving my a hard time with all sorts of stuff. there r no words about how much more stressed out this situation has made me since then. my dad is a very forgiving person, and the car was not mine, it was theirs, they paid 4 it, including the insurance and stuff and they gave it to me as a gift. i couldnt feel more horrible latly. i already get blamed by my mom for EVERY SINGLE thing that goes wrong around here even when im not the one at fault, and she is ALWAYS and CONSTANLY in a bad mood. except when she goes out in public, she "puts on a happy face" and just pretends everything is just fine when it all couldnt be further from the truth. ive waited on her hand and foot, and my dad too, but instead of even them (especially my mom) ever saying just the 2 things ive wanted to hear for so long, they both always just take out everything bad on me. my dad has even appologized a couple of times for being this way, but my mom never does. i understand was sick and that it created (and still does) for our whole family, but shes a complete workaholic, and doesnt even take the time to tell me that she loves me half the time. im so tired of being EVERYONES doormatt. i mean, what did i do to deserve all of this? i honestly do not even know at all. ive been so worried about my mom since she got sick that i dont even worry about myself at all anymore. the only thing that is really buggin me since thursday is for one, i cant ever remember jack shit, and im right in the middle of doing a whole bunch of important projects. i dont think ive been actijng like myself either. i got into it with a good friend of mine last nite who was pissed at me fo rcalling him too much, and said i was getting him in trouble w/ his g/f when i dont even think of him that way. he also belived i ws taking out frustration out on him which i think i actually did. something in me just snapped last nite after everything thast happened, and my parents constantly beating on me emotionally. he threatened to end our friendship. we worked things out and i sent him a text today appologizing to him. this is just NOT me...i really feel like my head is so f***ed up that its making me do and say things that i ordinarely wouldnt. i hate drama, and i hate confrontations. my life really sux right now. anyways, im not sure what else i could say. i just wish i could rewind all the way back to thurs afternoon b-4 i went out, and just do this whole 6 days over again differnetly. but i cant. i really just dont know how to deal with all of this....
