halfaliens4's blog: "Finally Getting My Page Togather!"

well it seems that since the year started, ive finally found out who my true friend are. and the truth is, i dont have nor do i want very many. everyone i know except for maybe 1 person has just screwed me over in so many ways. their r no words to describe how fuking pissed i am right now, upset, and feeling betrayed. first off, i ended up writing 2 of my best friends cuz they were assholes since i turned them down as being mor ethan friends. and in the last month, ive had atleast 4 or 5 "friends" literally rip me off. one even cut up one of the cords on my old comp that i was going to sell him but never did cuz he ended up not only never paying back the 40 bucks he owes me for ciggs & beer, but he also tried to destroy one of my computers. i just hate people in general right now. another so-called friend of mine is on probation, and everytime ive spoken to him the last few weeks all he does is use me as a doormatt like everyone else and just always takes out his anger on me. just a few min ago he returned my call after he was so rude to me last nite. i asked him why he was pissed at me and he said hes just pissed in general and holds EVERYONE (including me) accountable for him getting in trouble which happened b-4 we ever even met! fuking asshole! he also said he is mad at me just cuz i asked him why he what he was pissed at me for. hes being a total prick, but he has 2 sets of my smallville dvds. i want them back and he wont even hand them over, and with him as angry as he ALWAYS is, im concerned that he may actually try and destroy them out of anger, and anger toward sme even tho, like again i said b-4, I HAVENT DONE SHIT TO HIM! im just so mad right now. God sum people should just never be born. and also, i never used to be racist, but atleast half the peopl ethat have ripped me off r black. that really puts sum things into perspective for me. i believe their is such a thing as white folks, but also, white trash. and also such a thing as black folks, and black trash....and at the risk of using the "N" word that is exacly what these black "so-called ex-friends of mine are! so if any of u who are angryh at me, have ripped me off, or anything of the kind, i just wanna say one thing. and thats " FUK YOU ALL! AND I HOPE U FUKING BURN IN HELL! and also what goes around comes around. im a big believer in karma.

It's been a while since ive actually had time to really sit down and right a blog on this site. I've kind agot a new look. Ive sorta turned into a more gothic-pnk style in the couple months and have been hanging out with a lot of ne friends. For one, i went out and got my chin (or bottom lip...whatever) pierced exacly a week ago last wed. right noy i just have a stainless steel stud in. it looks so cool and ive gotten lots of compliments on it. everyone of my friends and even strangers says it looks good on me. ive also been getting A LOT of sun since spring even first began, so now im starting to get a pretty nice tan and my hair is bleaching out. which brings me to my next point. since i got me hair cut so short in the front, its actually long enuff now where i can spike it which looks cool. and i plan on very soon bleaching my tips in the front and on top where my hair is all spikey. i bleached my hair once b-4 and it turned out great, so i cant wait to see what bleaching my tips will look like. i know its going to look baddass when im finished. my neighbor and i r also going to be starting to go to the city pool as soon as it opens and lay out by the water and work on our tans. part of my arms and legs and especially the top of my feet along with my entire face and forarms are already getting really dark. byu the time summer ends, im going to look REALLY good. and ive also been working out like twice a day since about jan. and also doing sets of weights to tone my arms, pecs and shoulders. i do 50 of each set twice a day and i do like 5 or 6 sets, and i also walk 3 or 4 times a day, which is partially how im getting so much sun lately. i cant wait to bleach art of my hair. i know everything im doing is really going to pay off and im going to look even better than i do now. anyways, well thast my blog for today (unless i decide to write more ltr.....ciao.... jen

well, to say say the least it hasnt been easy since last thurs. nite when my wreck happened. The head-injury REALLY srewed me up and is still screwing with me ROYALLY. ive got constant headaches/migraines like trple as many as i had before. I've had to go this a few times b-4 - cuz ive had so many head injuries & concussions. right nite im trying to deal with having really severe post-concussion syndrom. ive had it a few times b-4 also, but it has never been this bad b-4. the fact that i was knocked unconcious says a lot, as ive never been knocked out ever b-4 in my entire life b-4 the wreck last thursday which happened on april 10th, 2008 just for my own record. i didnt even know how bad my concussion was until after id been in the trauma room at the hospital which to i was transported by an ambulance on a backboard n stuff. having busted ribs and a cracked sternum has really made things a little mor ediffacult than usual too. i couldnt breath hardly for atleast 2 or 3 days after i got hit. the doc didnt really even look me over that well or thorougly (the place was packed), and i kept asking him why i was having problems breathing and all he would do is just say, "oh, thats just from being tossed around in the car." and would kinda chuckle and then quickly scurry outta the room to his next patient. not to mention he would give me absolutly NOTHING for pain (even with me being hooked up to an iv and all sorts of other stuff like an EKG, bllod pressure and oxygen monitor, among many other "things." the paramedics on the other hand, i could tell were a bit freaked. just the fact that they turned on the lights and sirens (called code 3), told me enuff about what they were thinking. they finally released me after numerous x-rays and a CT scan to see how bad my head was. this is definatly THE WORST or atleast ties as the worst w/ my last concussion/head injury. the moment upon impact, i blacked out. the big truck that hit me had to be going atleast 60 or 65 to hit me as hard as he did. i actually figured out by the way my car was facing that he hit me hard enuff to make my car do a full 160 full circle and another 180 degree half turn right behing it. when i woke up. i was facing the way from which i came. i was so dizzy when i regained conciousness that i freaked out cuz it felt as tho the car was rolling. it took me several minutes to just figure out that i was still just even sitting in somewhat upright position. my seatbelt is partially what saved me. the only other reason im even still alive is because GOD had protected me along with my guardian angels. everyone says i shouldnt even be alive. but anyways, i went back to the wrecking yard to get all my stuff outta my car (its dead...totalled and is NOT ever going to come back), and the car was so unregognizable that i just walked right past it until my mom pointed it out. she said the first time she went to see it she walked past it too since it was so bad. im only 5'1" and i was right up against the sterring wheel and dashboard which is what cause all the broken bones in my chest and God only knows what else. i even still have an airbag burn on my chin. and as it turns out, i hit the lft side of my head so hard that it actually tore my earring in the top of my ear (in the cartilidge) partially out which i didnt notice til sunday when i put the stud (instead of a whoop) back in and noticed all this dried blood around my ear. anyways, im a pretty fast healer, but im not sure about my head tho. since i got hit, i cant keep a shor-term memory of ANYTHING. i have literally had conversations with people and then the next day dont even rememebr having them. its really irritating. i dont rememebr the accident at all, except for vauge memories of waking back up after being knocked out, being transported, and some of the stuff that hapened between then and leaving the hospital. im having SO MUCH trouble remembering people ive known for yrs, details of stuff from my everyday life, along with so MUCH more. i cant reatain ANYTHING at all now. i dont know if its temporary or permanant. i hope its the first, cuz i cant deal with this. on top of it all, the guy who hit me is contesting everythijng ive said and now my insurence is making it all out to be "my fault". and even with this, my mom seems to just loose the ability to be reasoned with anytime the subject even comes up. not to mention she has really changed into a very diffacult person since she first found out she had cancer last yr, even tho she has finished all her chemo and radiation. even my dad is giving my a hard time with all sorts of stuff. there r no words about how much more stressed out this situation has made me since then. my dad is a very forgiving person, and the car was not mine, it was theirs, they paid 4 it, including the insurance and stuff and they gave it to me as a gift. i couldnt feel more horrible latly. i already get blamed by my mom for EVERY SINGLE thing that goes wrong around here even when im not the one at fault, and she is ALWAYS and CONSTANLY in a bad mood. except when she goes out in public, she "puts on a happy face" and just pretends everything is just fine when it all couldnt be further from the truth. ive waited on her hand and foot, and my dad too, but instead of even them (especially my mom) ever saying just the 2 things ive wanted to hear for so long, they both always just take out everything bad on me. my dad has even appologized a couple of times for being this way, but my mom never does. i understand was sick and that it created (and still does) for our whole family, but shes a complete workaholic, and doesnt even take the time to tell me that she loves me half the time. im so tired of being EVERYONES doormatt. i mean, what did i do to deserve all of this? i honestly do not even know at all. ive been so worried about my mom since she got sick that i dont even worry about myself at all anymore. the only thing that is really buggin me since thursday is for one, i cant ever remember jack shit, and im right in the middle of doing a whole bunch of important projects. i dont think ive been actijng like myself either. i got into it with a good friend of mine last nite who was pissed at me fo rcalling him too much, and said i was getting him in trouble w/ his g/f when i dont even think of him that way. he also belived i ws taking out frustration out on him which i think i actually did. something in me just snapped last nite after everything thast happened, and my parents constantly beating on me emotionally. he threatened to end our friendship. we worked things out and i sent him a text today appologizing to him. this is just NOT me...i really feel like my head is so f***ed up that its making me do and say things that i ordinarely wouldnt. i hate drama, and i hate confrontations. my life really sux right now. anyways, im not sure what else i could say. i just wish i could rewind all the way back to thurs afternoon b-4 i went out, and just do this whole 6 days over again differnetly. but i cant. i really just dont know how to deal with all of this....

i was out doing survey damage for skywarn storm-spotters (im a chaser) last thurs. night and ended up gettiong a REALLY bad wreck. i was transported to the hospital in the ambulance on a backboard, c-collar...the whole 9 yards. they even transported me code 3 (lights and sirens), which i guess they thought it was a real emergancy which at the time i was scared shitless. all in all, i ended up with a head injury (concussion), broken ribs on both the left 7 right side, a possible cracked sternum, and a really badly banged up left knee (of coarse it had to be my good knee). they had like 7 or 8 ambulances come in around my time so it seemed what took forever to get the doc in. and then he wouldnt give me anything for the pain cuz of the head injury. which has been causing me major headaches (more and worse than usual), blurry vision, vertigo, and nausea. and now i have what the doc called "post-concussion syndrom." ive been there done this a fe w times and it aint no fun...thats for sure. basically all these "head" related symptomes will probably last atleast for a couple more weeks. my last head injury itg lasted for a month b-4 it even started to even get better at all. i basically was turning left on a green arrow, and this bg pick-up truck hit me after running a light and he was going so fast it knocked my car 360 degrees, and then turned it another 180. when i got hit i hit the left side of my head on a panel and blacked out. when i woke up, it felt like the car was rolling which was acually me just being so dizzy from hitting my head and getting tossed around. im only 5’1" so i was right up close next to the steering wheel and dashboard both. the airbag alsol went off, giving me airbag burns all up and down both my forarms and my chin. thankgoodness i heal fast. the burns were not even visible after the next day, except the one on my chin. i was wearing my seatbelt also, so that was good. i would be dead otherwise. in fact, everyone says from looking at the car (which they said is unrecognizable, i was lucky to get away liker this at all. the only thing that really sucks is all the chest pain i keep having from the busted ribs n stuff, and the head injury...which im no starnger to those. when i got home to say the least i took a cocktail of meds with extra stuff my dad gave me. but to say the least...my car is no more. i went to the wrecking yard sat to get everything out, and i walked right past it not even noticing it was mine cuz of the shape it was in. when my mom turned me around, i was in shock to say the least. it was some crazy shit. i didnt even recognise my own car. the only other thing since then is that my memory has gone from normal for me to absolutly horrible. i cant even remember half the conversations i have with people, peoples names ive known 4 yrs...its really embarresing sometimes....anyways...im so lucky im still here....thought i would share this story with the group. my PM doc is going to prob flip out when i tell him about it ....which ill definantly be going in early this month!

i may have posted this twice due to an error, if not...cool...anyways, This is somewhat of an advertisment sorta....but I just wanted to let everyone know that I've got a desktop computer for sale if anyone is interested. And I will be honest, it's pretty old! but not too old. I'm actually also thinking of putting it on ebay perhaps too.....don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get rid of it cuz theres anything wrong with it tho. It's just that i dont have room for it on my LAN anymore since just got a brand spankin' new compaq courtasy of my bestist friend in the whole world - Jason, whome i love dearly for all the things he does for me and all the money he spends on me. putting the comp aside for a moment, jason is tghe guy that my first MUMM was about. at the time, i didnt know whether i wanted to be more than friends with him or not, not sure if it would ruin our friendship. well to say the least i DID make up my mind not long after i made that MUMM too. one nite i was over at his house, and he kissed me and then looked into my eyes. he said in a soft voice, "i feel like i have a deep connection with u." well, a lot has happened between us since then, and to say the least we are a lot more than just best friends righyt now. in fact, i ended up telling somthing the day b-4 v-day that i thought i could never say to another guy again, seeing how all my relationshipsa the past few yrs have all ended badly, then the love of my life eneded up dying last year. however, slowly, i could feel something happening between jason and i lately. and i felt something i havent in a long time. which was i have felt myself falling for him. and i finally told him when he was over here with me last wed (feb 13th, 07'). he didnt act suprised but later told me that he was. after i told him he just kissed me and held me. we spent the day togather, and i also made and gave him a rose quartz necklace (i mean the real thing). giving someone any type of roas quartz is a symbol of either love of friendship towards them (i also happen to be a huge crystal/gemstone collector). and in his case it was a symbol of my love tords him i said to him. the next day i went over to his house for v-day and had dinner with hwe aqnd his family. we had a conversation about what i had said...h just calmly told me that for him, "it would just take a little time." i told him im not in a hurry, and to take all the time he needs. anyhow, now, about the computer.... This is what it is and all the specs/perameters: its an Emachine T1090 -has a Pentium 900 Mhz Intel celeron Processor -has 128 MB of SyncDRAM -CD-ROM, 48x Max CD-Drive/CD-Writer -A 20 GB Hard Drive, Ultra DMA/66 -3D AGP Graphics Card, Intel Direct AGP -Has A 56K Data/Fax Modem, ITU v.92 Ready, maximum data transfer rates may vary & are limited to 53 kps -Has Win XP Home edition -Has 1 back USB drive & 1 front USB drive -Monitor meets MPR 2 Low Emission Standards This comp is in great condition, and t's helped me out tremendously over the yrs. I wouldn't get rid of it if i had room to put it on my current LAN, theres simpily just NO room whatsoever. I'm selling it with it's original mouse and keyboard also, which also work just fine. i honestly dont know if anyyone would even be interested in it, but im gouing to try to get rid of it anyway. ive already got 3 other computers as it is on my LAN, including my laptop. i may also be putting up some practically brand new lynksis stuff up 4 sale as well that a friend that worked for earthlink gave me a while back....and all of that stuff is wireless. if i dont use it all myself ill try to sell it. one is a wireless router, another is an ethernet plug in that comes with a CAT 5 cable with it basically with it, u can plug in anywhere with ur laptop and get the internet seeing how it plugs into any wall-socket. basicvally, ive got 2 or 3 lynksis ethernet powerline bridges, a wireless lynksys hub, a 2 wireless lynksys routers. whatever i dont use myself i will probably sell on ebay or some other way...anyhoo....if anyones interested, let me know, and we can talk!

My best friend Jason is so cool.we grew up togather too. we've known one another since the 3rd grade, and hes been there for me ever since. everyday when i was in elemntary school, when i was getting the crap beat out of me by this guy named benji russell and his little friends, jason ("jase" i call him 4 short) was alwasys there to either stick up for me or help pick me up off the floor after the fights. he has ALWAYS stood up 4 me with everyone and anyone who has ever messed with me. i couldn't ask for a better friend than him. hes also the one that continues to keep renewing my VIP ststus for me every time it runs out, not to mention he spends so much money on me all the time. i love him so much. the truth is we used to just be best friends but lately that part has changed a little and we have actually grown even closer. even tho we've never been togather physically he is extra special to me more than anyone else or any other friends. and lately weve developed a special connection between us more than ever. and the truth is we have become more than friends i think. we both have a deep connection with each other. i relized this one night when i was over at his house. he kissed me and looked into my eyes and said "i feel like we have a special connection." at that point i knew he was right. i never thought i could feel this way about a guy ever again after the luv of my life boyfriend Earl Stephen Askins, Jr. passed away on january 1st of this year (2007), from an overdose and alcohol poisoning. Earl will always be in my heart, but im finding that i can finally move on from his death finally. dont get me wrong, ill never forget any of it, him, his life with me, our memories, or what happened, but atleast i can now say that i can move beyond all the guilt & sadness i felt for so long after his death. ill never forget him, and ill always love him in a way. but since jason and i have gotton closer i am feeling certain feelings that i havent felt in a really long time. i truely believe that jason and i would be good togather. for now tho, weve both agreed to see each other while dating other people atleast for the time being. but i have a feeling that this could change somewhere down the line. one never knows....i just know that he is one of my heros, my first and formost best friend (i have other best friends but not like jason), and i am proud and very happy to have him in my life!

I'm doing a project right now on my main comp and was looking for any comments, feedback, or anything concerning. this may sound elemetatary to some of u, but does any one know how to record music, dialougue, ect. from a t.v. show/movie from s computer, and then puut it onto a cd (cda format)? i could rally use soem help with this as my new stereo doesnt ave ports on the back to laug into my computers to record any music from tv show/movies onto cassteet s or c anymre. so any help eoul be greatly appreactaiated! tahnx jeen

Last nite i finally got all of my animated pix, text, ect. working on my page thanx to a few helpful tips given to me by this awesome guy who is now a friend & a fan of his, & he of i also. his name he goes by is "The 1st Canadian Godfather 'Achillies'". and he really does rock. he has helped me out soo much with stuff that no one else has been able too too. so if ur reading this Achillis, im sending out a huge THANKYOU to u for helping me last nite. u have no idea how long i had had the delima about the animated pix, text, ect. anyways, so now ive got another problem. which ive had for a while but just sisnt know who would know how to help me. problem is i cant get any of my skins to work. seems like it it just happened outta the nlu ....but i dunno. my friend Achillies suggested it was cuz the ones i were using weere to old, so i went to his page and triesd to use a couple of his, and they didnt work either. so if snyomne has any comments, or answers to this problem, i could surely use some help on it! than, jen

well, im looking for anyone that might be kind enuff to find it in their heart to give nme VIP status for a month....i had it for a month and thought that all the stuff that came with it was permananet, and found out abruptly it wasnt. espespecially since i tried uploasding some more cool pix yesterday and couldnt.....sucked. im really ticked off that the 2500 picture thing atleast isnt permant. so im looking to get VIP staus agaij so i can indeed upload all 2500 pix if possible, even if only during a months time,. and not to worry, ive got plenty cool stuff to upload too. thing is 1. i dont own a credit card, and 2. i dont have any money right now seeing how i just now starting advertising again for my website business and my last customer was over a month ago. so im almost broke. so if any of my friends, fans, or fqmily out there could find it in their hearts to give me the gift of VIP status for a month (i think its like 14 or 15 bucks) i would be greatly forever in ur debt and not to mention do whatever i could to always be able to help u out as well! jen PS sorry, i know this blog sounds pathetic, but im just anxious to pick up where i left off on uploading all my pix along with everything else that comes along with VIP status...

finally my ex-bf is gone and life is getting to back to somewhat normal....except for i slso lost one of my brst friends whome ive known since i was 16 cuz he was impatient that i dint give him his chance with me. one of my other best friends i just found id going into the army this week if he passes his physical. i guess we'll see....