KiNkySLuTpUpPy's blog: "sublife"

I have the right to set limits, and expect them to be respected. I have the right to adjust these limits at any time, with notice to you. I have the right to expect you to push them, to force me to create new limits and boundaries. I have the right to privacy. I expect you to be concerned about time we spend apart, but I expect you to understand that I am a person, separate from you, and thusly having problems and situations in my life that I will not need your help with. I have the right to expect you will respect me for my independence and not criticize me for it. I have the right to ask you for help, should I need it. I have the right to be trusted, providing I have earned it, and I have the right to expect you to believe I am an intelligent, caring and loyal person. I have the right to ask things of you, and have you listen to my requests. I have the right to ask for your attention, without having to misbehave to get it. I have the right to ask you to contribute as much to this relationship as I do. As long as my requests are submitted respectfully, I expect you to consider them as you would from any friend or colleague. I have the right to question your motives, should you deny my requests, as long as I do so with the proper respect. I have the right to expect you to administer punishment with care and caution. I have the right to use my safe words at any point, should I feel them necessary. I have the right to get up and walk away from a scene if you have crossed the line. I have the right to expect you to respect my decisions, and not think less of me, or abandon me for them. I have the right to speak up if I feel our relationship is not giving me what I need. I have the right to tell you what I need, in a respectful manner. I have the right to expect you to understand my reasons for doing so, and the right to expect you to listen with an open mind. I have the right to walk away from the relationship if we cannot come to a common ground on these issues. I have the right to expect tenderness, love and understanding after a scene is completed, should it be what I desire. I have the right to ask you for that tenderness if I've had a bad day, or if I just feel the need for closeness. I understand that there will be times when you and I will disagree about this -- when you will want a scene, and I will not. I have the right to call for a talk about this, and to expect you to listen to and consider my reasoning's. I expect you to have the final word, but I expect you to wholeheartedly consider my feelings, whatever they may happen to be. I have the right to expect our relationship to progress, for trust to continually be renewed, for our souls to be as close as our bodies are. I have the right to tell you if I need more from you, and I expect you to respect my decisions about what I want and need. I expect you to want the relationship to progress, unless decided otherwise beforehand. I expect you to understand that deep trust often breeds love, and I expect you not to repel me if I tell you that I love you. For I will love you, my master, should our relationship move ahead, should our trust continue to grow. I have the right to expect you to tell me, at any point, if you do not feel you can return those feelings, so that I may decide what I want and need. For it is your pleasure that adds to my own, makes it real. And mine, that adds to yours.

Chapter 1 - Finding a Dominant • Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong it probably is. • Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts. • Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner. • Be yourself. Never compromise who you are to gain the attention of a Dominant. • Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship. • Some Dominants will never love you. • Some Dominants have no desire to fuck you. • Don't be afraid to say "no" to prospective Dom/mes who aren't compatible. • You do not have to take orders or obey every Dominant who approaches you. • Just because you are sub doesn't mean you should let Dom/mes walk all over you. • You do not have to spend money on, or give money to, a Dominant. • You do not have to send naked photos to a Dominant. • Be careful how much personal info you reveal to strangers. • Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective Dom/mes. • Ask questions respectfully, then respectfully question answers. • A Dominant who refuses to answer basic questions has something to hide. • Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references. • Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a booming voice does not make a Dominant. • Some Dominants exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress subs. • A Dominant with many years of experience may still be a total asshole or abusive. Chapter 2 - Being safe • A good Dominant will make sure you feel safe at all times when meeting. • Anything that is not consensual is abuse. • A Dominant who refuses to honor your safeword is abusing you. • Use common sense if ordered to have unprotected sex with strangers. • Clean insertables yourself before and after they are used on you. • Make sure your play partner knows all your medical conditions before scening. • Drop any Dominant who orders you not to get medical or psychological help. • Calling your safeword is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes. • Never tell a Dominant you have no limits. • Never rush off to another state to meet a Dominant you just met. Be patient. • Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time. • Always meet in public on your first date. • If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon. • Do not allow a Dominant to isolate you from family or loved ones. • Pay attention to your physical/mental condition after scenes. • Some subs need more aftercare than others. Chapter 3 - Protocol • The most important protocol to learn is your own Dominant's. • Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events. • Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and don't break them. • When collared, your behavior in public is a direct reflection upon your Dominant. • Learn when to speak and when to be silent. • Do not touch other people's property (subs, toys) without permission. • Never interrupt other people’s scenes (ie. touching, talking or laughing loudly) • Always clean up after your scene. Chapter 4 - Your Journey • Don't expect a Dominant to solve all your problems in life. • Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness. • Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your submission. • Never limit yourself to just one source of information. • Don't spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events. • You do not have to be a pain slut to be a good sub. • This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied. • If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong. • It's ok to be alone. • You can decide for yourself whether to be monogamous or poly. • Don't rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to serve. • Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle. • Keeping a private journal can help you get to know yourself better. • Discover who you are in your submission... sub or slave, masochist or no pain, etc. • Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you shouldn't get your needs met too.