Bria's blog: "stuff"

I remember the day we met,

it all started with love, then became regret,

you were superman and showed me you care,

saved me when i needed someone to be there,

years went by, you became my man,

had a child together, you held my hand,

you pushed aside any girl around,

and picked me up when i was down,

then one day i felt you change,

your love was close but not same,

the more I pulled you pushed away,

and left me broken like i was that day,

i remember the day that love died,

when my trust was broken with just one lie,

The ones that followed were my own fault,

you told them plenty till you got caught,

You gave me hope then broke me in every way,

I was just another toy in the games you play,

But when I leave you, you will regret,

keeping your love a big secret,

Ill walk for miles to escape the pain,

and right where i leave you, you will remain,

wondering where it all went wrong,

when i tried to love you but i didnt belong,

And even then id still love you,

but your words will never be true,

we will always have a piece of of that time,

when i was yours but you werent mine,

I gave my heart knowing i shouldnt,

and you broke it like you said you wouldnt,

you tell me I am the one that causes my own pain,

its all in my head, im the one insane,

How could i know my hero wore a mask,

And when he took it off he revealed my past.

Of all the villains that i fought to escape,

But this one fooled me by wearing a cape.

She hides in the clouds,

Waiting for the rain,

To show the world her sorrows,

And all her pain,

Shes damaged from her past,

Her future remains the same,

She cant hide in the shadows,

She cant hide from her shame,

Her skin is always wounded,

But her bruises arent always visible to see,

Her real pain is on the inside,

She will never feel like shes free,

Emotions are running wild,

She only feels so torn,

As much as she wants to live,

She wishes she was never born,

Loving all the wrong people,

Having drug her through the depths,

That made her feel so loved,

then just as quickly..they left,

like lightening she crashes,

leaving distruction on the ground,

Her crys boom like thunder,

But no one hears the sound,

Her storm is always raging,

Distruction is what shes sees,

As much as she wants to stand,

Shes pushed down to her knees,

 I know you feel i left too soon,

Dont allow your soul to be haunted,

Ill be up here watching you,

So enjoy each day to your best,

We can talk all about it,

When its your time to finally rest.

Everybody has their limits Of what they can take,

 When they know they are finished,

Their heart begins to break,

Sometimes things just become too much to Bare,

And people get tired of begging for someone to just be there,

My heart is hurting cause I foolishely fell for you

When I told myself that's not the pain I wanna go through,

And when I finally had enough and want to walk away,

You tell me that you don't want me to and ask me to stay,

What am I staying for? Why waste my time,

Stealing someone's youth should be a crime

you have me in front of you silently screaming,

to show me the attention I've been needing,

but you always have other things to do,

stuff that could've been done when I'm not with you,

youre in front of my face but still not here,

A ghost I often feel haunted by and fear,

your body is present but your mind is not,

like when showing emotions to each other is forgot,

Oblivious to the neglect I feel,

Because you have me hooked on a reel,

You lured me in with the perfect bait,

Then cast me back out like I didn't make the weight,

I'm tired of waiting when for I'm convenient to you,

but there's always something else that you would rather do,

Why am I not enough, why can't I get your attention,

and when I do it's filled with resentment,

Do I really have to beg? Do I have to leave?

I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve,

crying tears of anger, loneliness and regret,

that I once again fell for someones bullshit,

I'm not a toy you play with, then put away when your done,

I'm suppose to be your sidekick, your friend, your number one,

Tell me what to do bc I don't know anymore,

And I already have one foot in, and one out the door.

I'd rather be lonely than to feel so much pain,

When you give everything with nothing to gain,

Hurt, anger, lust and shame,

When you give someone a chance, And they turn out the same,

Seems like a pattern, I never fail to miss,

When you want to be someone's everything, but just get dismissed,

That good old story about just being friends,

When you know that's not how the situation will end,

But yet thats the story they play off to you,

Like you don't know what lies are really true,

It'll always be the same, when finding a lover,

You try to love them, but they love another..

 I know you can see her, she's parading around you,

I know you can hear her, she shouting across the room,

I know because I see her and I see you,

You act like you don't care, but I know that's not true,

I had a feeling this would happen, I knew she'd take you away,

So you can return to the toy, She never took out to play,

But I'm not angry and I'll try not to be sad,

Because you can't cry over something you never had,

Only hopes she sees what I see,

and gives you the chance you didn't give me,

And if she doesn't, I'm sorry to say,

You had your chance, and you threw it away...

I feel lonely, I feel depressed,

My mind is so dark, my emotions are a mess,

I try to fake smile, I try to hide from pain,

But I've been this way so long, it's engraved in my brain,

I'm angry at everyone, but I'm angrier at myself,

I'm scared of this feeling, I don't know how to ask for help,

 I'm tired of being tired, not sure how much longer I can fight,

I'd consider myself lucky to even sleep at night,

I feel like my whole world is crashing down,

I want to smile, but can only manage a frown,

My chest hurts, my stomach aches,

My heart skips beats, and I have the shakes,

I think too much, so I push people away,

I listen even more to shady things people say,

I'm losing my self, I'm almost too far to recover,

No longer in love, just a destroyed lover...

River of lies spill from your face,

Venom from your mouth,

Such a bitter taste,

I see judgement in your eyes,

They peer deep to my soul,

Makes what was once young,

feel so old, 

Like a snake you slither,

You hiss your harsh bite,

Your poison you deliver,

like a mouse i cant fight,

you take the life away from me,

that i would love to live,

Fill them with empty promises,

that you would never give. 

The more you coil around me,

The less i can breathe,

I can feel my life slipping away,

My soul it begins to leave. 

A serpent to remember,

The most poisonious it seems,

The one that finally took away,

all my hope and dreams.

From this height I'm falling,

I thought you went away,

Your love is like a prison,

my sentence forever pain,

You are like a game of chess,

I'm losing all my pieces,

I'm stuck I must confess,

you were always my weakness,

I feel like I'm your puppet,

you got me by the strings,

And every time you take me out to play,

the story will never change.

I take one step forward and 3 steps back,

My mind is crazy, my bags almost packed,

Searching for a new beginning, maybe a new life,

Done with the bullshit, drama, and strife,

I take one step forward and 2 steps back,

Im in need of some progress in which I lack,

Thoughts are changing, gotta get my grip,

Stop worrying about the venom in the words people spit,

I take one step forward and one step back,

Not interested in you talking about qualities i lack,

Got my own problems, i get how you feel,

But you should focus on you and get off my heels,

I take one step forward but i take no step back,

Nothing but redemption, not gonna crack,

Its time for a change for the better i see,

Because fixing my problems start with fixin me..