stacyg1972's blog: "Soulless Reflections(all written by ME!!!)"

Remember... Remember me with laughter Don't remember me with tears Remember me with sureness Not with all the fears Remember the times we shared Walking side by side Remember the nights spent As you held me while I cried Remember the silly things Remember the good and the bad Remember to be thankful For at least this time we had (written by Stacy D.Guerra)

I do not believe in God Nor do I believe in Christ I do believe in a superior being That protects me through the night... I can feel the presence surround me In every corner of the room To keep the demons that plague me From taking over all too soon... I feel cool lips caressing The tears that flood my cheeks Trying to pull me from myself Imprisioned in my sleep... Gentle hands try to comfort me Arms hold me against a solid chest Protecting me as I battle within Willing me to rest... I am a worthy opponent There's no other stronger than myself And to battle within my own mind The victor is so hard to tell... As the battle of the night Finally comes to a bitter end I cling to the frayed ends of sanity As the new day begins... I cling to a feeling Of a protector I can't see I want to thank you for trying to protect me from myself My ONLY enemy...is ME. ~Stacy Guerra©7/14/2006~

Sightless eyes open into darkness.Choir singing in the church room above.I try to scream for help,but no one can hear me over the organ player.Fighting against the rope that binds my wrists above my head.I can feel the panic turning my stomach.What is that noise? I look around trying to see through the dark.I am not alone.A silent scream rips out as a torch is lit.Way too close to my face.I can feel the flames licking my cheeks.Terror grips me.I try to pull away from my attacker.Away from the face so many children love.The white face with the blue eye makeup.The blood red lips snarling at me.I look away from the pure evil I see in it's eyes.Mirrors reflect the darkened room and the flame from the torch multiplied a thousand times.Along the floor I can see...what is that? Children? No,not children.The light catches a figure just enough that I can see the lifeless eyes and painted smiles of the dolls mocking me.I flinch as a cold dampened hand touches my cheek.A sadistic smile curving his lips. "Your time is almost over,my love." I follow the torch down.Pushing harder and harder against the way.Trying to escape the Hell I have entered.The flame stops just below my feet.A platform of sorts? I had thought I was standing on the floor.I jerk my feet up and away as I realize I am standing in a mass pile of puppets and ventriloguist dolls.All staring at me with wicked eyes.Suddenly it's plainly clear as to what he is going to do.I shake my head in denial.No this can't be happening to me.But as he touches the torch to the first puppet I realize I am going to burn to death.A very slow and painful death.He removes my gag. "Go ahead and scream child.There is no one to hear you."He laughs as he realizes what it is I hear."Just a recording to set the mood." A scream rips from my very soul.Pain and terror grip me tight.He laughs as if my screams are music to his ears.I watch for what seemed like eternity as he walked to the stairs that lead to freedom.He turns and sits on the top stair. "A free ticket to the best horror show playing.Front row even." I hear his laughter as darkness comes to claim me.The pain too intense for me to handle any longer.I do not know what it is I have done to deserve this.One last gasp for life and I am gone...

It's a point in life you can't always have what you want,BUT that does not stop you from the desire to have it.Especially when you know someone else is with him and you aren't.And they have him,but they don't appreciate him.It's just a "thing" to them.You should just drop your eyes and look away from a reality that's not yours.The pain is just too real at the emptiness you suddenly feel,but you keep watching,wondering...why that person,so underserving,should be the "lucky" one? Could it be you were the cause of your own sadness,something you did in the past that is so unforgivable? Or could it be that you happened along one promise too late? Should you just give up? Call him a lost cause and call it good? Or does your heart tell you,"maybe,just maybe"? Can you forget the way he looks at you,touches you,holds you when he tells you that he loves you? Do you BELIEVE him or is it only said because you are there and the other isn't? When does it suddenly become clear in your head that YOU are just a "thing" like he is? When the passion,desire is over you will be pushed to the side like you never mattered at all. Can you accept this?Are you WILLING to accept this? Knowing that when it is all said and done once again you'll be left standing there alone,wondering...

Beautiful windows into a soul without boundaries,staring into yours.Reaching to embrace the darkness and the pain caused by life's cruel jokes.Wanting to bring colour,where light has yet to shine.... A soft caress on thickened skin.Trying to steadily break down the walls set up in defense.Wanting you to feel the beauty a single touch can bring.The warmth,the love,the caring others have stolen from you... The gentleness of one single kiss,touched softly to dampened cheeks.Trying to erase the memories of the things that cause you such pain.To see you hurt,is to kill.The pain is shared,though not intended... Strength surrounds you.Though you try to resist.Only to find yourself leaning heavily on the shoulder offered.You need this.To make the world go away for awhile.If only for a brief moment... The coming together of two bodies.A need that goes beyond words.Both needing the other to heal the broken pieces of lives not meant to be.To escape to a reality they aren't meant to have.Santuary is found...

As I feel myself falling into the black abyss of nothingness,I hear a voice softly calling me to come inside."I will defend you child,from the demons that plague you.I will shelter you in your time of need.I will love you as only I can."...Santuary...Hands reach out to pull me close.To wrap me in a blackened cloak.So cold.The touch of the hands upon my flesh feel like ice,but ignite a fire in my soul that I had long since thought dead.There's no resistance,only the desire to move closer.To meld my very soul with his.To feed off of the strength,the power,the knowledge,I feel radiating from him,but alas it is only a dream.The closer I get,the further out of my reach he becomes.Until nothing is left but the vague lingering of his scent,the warmth he had began,only to leave again.I feel empty once again without him near and I know outside this dream he does not exsist for me.... (written by Stacy D.Guerra2007)

We have found a place so many others search to find.Where there is no one other than ourselves and the love we hold so dearly.A place that cannot be invaded by any outside forces,no matter how hard they might try to get in.For "us" it is so easy to ,when we're together,to shut and bolt the door,to the reality we have to live everyday.The choices we have made in the past still haunt us,holding us tight in our lives .Knowing in our heart,another time,another place,there wouldn't be them,there would only be "us"...