http://www.freechristianleadertraining.org/3-3-9-work_ir_out.htm
We Can Work It Out
Objectives
To be come better acquainted with the issue of conflict in marriage.
To consider various responses that couples make when faced with conflict in their relationship.
To gain encouragement from the bible that when it comes to conflict, "we can work it out."
To establish our own plans for resolving problems as they arise in marriage.
Examining the Issue of Marriage Conflict
Agree/Disagree
You will find a number of bold statements on the subject of conflict listed below. Do you agree or disagree with each statement and discuss the reasons why?
1. The couple that fights together stays together.
2. The sooner a couple addresses a problem, the better.
3a. Conflict is always wrong.
3b. Finding the "principle of the thing" is the key to resolving conflict.
4. Christian couples seldom fight.
5. In most conflicts, it is hardly ever black and white, right or wrong, therefore there is no winner or loser to identify.
6a. The presence of conflict demonstrates that you have an honest relationship.
6b. Conflict breeds discontent in a marriage and drives people apart.
7a. There is a difference between a good fight and a dirty fight, and the latter is to be avoided.
7b. Direct confrontation is the only constructive way to face conflict.
8a. Disagreement is not necessary if you have open communication.
8b. Yielding one's rights is the best starting point for solving problems.
9. Sticking to one's rights is important for personal growth.
10. Great marriages are built on compromise.
11. Conflict is so basic to a relationship that it is impossible to have any closeness without it.
12.. Newlyweds argue less than other married couples.
The central issue in working out conflict, then, is not whether to have a fight, but how to have a good fight. Here are eight ground rules for having a good fight, suggested by counselor Angela Pintar. Perhaps you will want to add your own.
1. Fight By Mutual Consent. Don't insist on a fight at a time when one of you can't handle the strain. A good fight demands two ready partners.
3. Stick to the Present. Don't dredge up past mistakes and faults about which you can do nothing about.
2. Stick To The Subject. Limit this fight to this subject. Don't throw every other problem into it; take them one at a time.
7. Don't Hit Below the Belt. In your life together you discover each other's sensitive areas. Don't throw them at each other.
5. Aim To Resolve Rather Than To Win. Win/lose fights cause resentments to accumulate within a relationship.
8. Don't Quit; Work It Out. Bring the fight to a mutual conclusion. Otherwise it will just recur again and again.
4. Respect Crying. Crying is a valid response to how you feel and how the other feels. But don't let crying sidetrack you. Sometimes it is a signal for a time-out.
6. No Violence. Physical violence violates all the above rules for fighting by mutual consent.
The issues are listed in decreasing order according to the number of times each was mentioned by the couples surveyed as follows:
How to stimulate and arouse a wife to orgasm
The use of contraceptives
The detailed processes of sexual intercourse
Suggestions on what to do and expect on the honeymoon
The nature of the clitoris
The different sexual timing of men and women
how to meet the husband's sexual needs
The spiritual and moral interpretation of the sexual relationship in marriage
The elimination of fears and misconceptions
The responsibility of husband and wife in meeting each other's sexual needs
How to purchase contraceptives
The discussion of the hymen
The amount of time necessary for good sexual adjustment
