DurhamNtx's blog: "Durham Mouths Off"

I have wanted to Blog about me for a while now. But I don't know what to say. I see emo blogs, angry blogs, "Eff You" blogs (and status messages and mumms too) on here, and I feel saddened. All I want is to take their pain and turn it into an object lesson in life and help get over it. I usually can't. 

I see people on the Gulf Coast suffering. And Somalia. And Haiti. And dozens of other places in dire need. And i want to gather up all the food and money and people and trucks and building supplies I can and go help. I can't do it. 

I see people attacking ideas and actions that i perceive as positive (political and not) and all I have is the desire to show them how they are wrong, and how wrong they are. I can't.

These things coupled with the fact that, in the last year, my household's income went to less than half because i lost my job and my mom has been working for free some months, and my sister hasn't sold enough product to get her commission check, and I get so depressed that I have to go lie down. I think at those times I probably should be on meds...

But I will see a TV show, or a flower, or a cartoon, or one of you will say something off the wall, or one of my family will, and I have to smile. And I realize that, as bad as circumstances are, that I need to struggle to hang on to what little is left of my sanity and happy feelings one more day. The song Unwell by Matchbox 20 often fits me. To a tee. Even about the talking to myself in public.

There are so many days I have thought of running away, of Fuicide (No, I wouldn't - I might take a Fucation one day), just to start over. But one friend told me today that "life is tooo damn short to be sitting in a dark corner hiding." Which reminds me of my favorite response to people who ask If I'm ever serious - "Nope - life's too short, too important and too FUN to take too seriously!"

I hope that all of my friends are well today. I also hope that your lots in life improve, and that you find some little thing to enjoy in it every day. And I hope that, if you have problems with each other, you have the wisdom to log off and calm down, and the strength to return and face those with whom you have your problem(s), in order to air and resolve them.

I want all of you who read this and know me to know - I truly love all of you! 

Okay, sappy-emo revelation over - let the lunacy resume!

Rock on!
Shawn, AKA DurhamNtx