Written
All the letters I never sent
I should have sent
litter the floor
All the
apologies
explanations
HEY! how are ya's
get mixed together
until they become one big jumble of the past
for me to sort through.
Which
I do
eventually
and by that time
I just laugh at myself
and think of how big of a deal it was
and how every word i wrote
was so painstakingly thought out
made perfect
for you to throw away
put out there for you to laugh
as you rip up my pain
in my face
now you are back
telling me you want me
asking me the impossible
wanting a life that is no longer ours
and i look
sadly
at the pieces of my past
scattered
worn
and well read on my floor
and i wonder
how this life might be
if you had said yes
and the irony of it all
glares at me
letting me know that fate
is once again
toying with me
sending to me the only one i had truly loved
saying that he has realized the same
only way too late
i am past it all
i gave you me
everything i had
to be pushed aside as others captured your life
and now that you want me
now that i am to you
what you were to me so very long ago
i in turn
have to push you aside
and hurt you the way that i had hurt for you
only intentionally
and it hurts me just as much as it did back then
to turn you away
knowing how bad it feels
knowing that i have to do this
i am not who you once knew
and i am not
that girl that you tell me you dream about
the girl you want so much in your arms
i cant be that girl for you
and with that
i have to give you away
for the second time
but this time
it is you who has to watch me
walk
away