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What are you waiting for?
Dying in Darkness
I can't see anymore
I can't see the garbage at my feet
the stench of your religion
the vomit of your words
the common sense gone
maggots trying to embed in my bare feet
kiss your materialistic icons
and die in darkness
the darkness I live in
the nothingness that I feed from
the reality of your destination
slap my forehead with your ignorance
and heal yourself with your saviors empty promises
the words that drive you to kill
the words that drive you to drill into your skull
to let all the blood of your lifeless life run out
to only ask why did you do this to me
for the darkness doesn't answer
as I whisper in your ear
your dead.
It was beautiful at one time maybe never
they told me it was beautiful
I remember their faces leaning into mine, contorting, melting
piercing eyes watering with guilt and evil
for whatever the word evil may represent
as I press the gun barrel into my temple am I evil
is the gun evil
is the world evil for letting this happen
am I evil for not believing in your worthless god that doesn't deserve to be capitilized
for my language is different than yours
a different thought process that I can smile to
teach me to believe in a myth
as a nude santa claus hides in my christmas (no caps) tree
lets put a leaf over his privates and call him Adam
set out apples with maggots bubbling, moving its red skin
slap me on my forehead and tell me I'm fucked
cram the pages of your holiness down my throat
look down my throat you will see the light
for when you look down the barrel of the gun
when the firing pin dents the bullet cartridge the light is brilliant.
Dieing on the highway today
a day the fog formed, demons laughing at me
sitting on the hood of my car
counting on their hands the memorable moments I had
My crazy mother sitting in the back seat her face frozen in a scream of disgust
flies scurrying over her face frenzied
A gun in my lap
bullets littering the floor mat
flesh clinging to chunks of the windshield
a mangy dog runs in front of my overheating car
it's bones jutting out it's flesh
garbage blowing into my broken windshield
notes covered in blood from the past
"wish you were never born"
"I have always hated you"
"you were so easy to use"
as a porcelain skull swings west to east from the rear view mirror
Demons reach threw the broken windshield grabbing the wheel
my mother slides down the back seat, her head resting against the partly rolled down window
the demons tongues licking the sweat off my face
swinging the wheel back and forth
headlights start to flash at me
horns screaming into my ears
my mother screaming from her frozen face
"learn to drive and did you check your air pressure dumb fuck!"
It was quick with all the demons I let in my life
one unbuckling my seatbelt
never meant to wear it anyways
as the low pressure tires on the passenger side dug into the asphalt
and the car flew into the air
spinning, the gun casings swirling around me
my body whipping forward
my spine snapping out of my back
my head snapping back
my body lurching forward
diving from the front windshield
hitting the pavement face first
it drags along the right lane in a streak of blood, bone and flesh
a trail a half mile long
a clump of matted blood soaked hair left of my head
my gun spinning on the hot cement goes off shooting me in the torso for good measure
the demons dance around my body
as my car slowly spins over my dead body
black dirty oil swirling on fire over me
the heat welcome
the blackness calm
as my mom looks over my dead body
and sets down a small paper bag
"don't forget your lunch honey"
I never could be what you said I would be
Choosing me on that cold metal shelf is aisle 6
On sale and rated poorly
A life of second chances and returns
Taped back together, my outer box ripped and punctured
Eagerly opened dozens of times and tossed aside equally
Never complete always missing a part
The receipt always stored in your wallet
where I belong on aisle 6, pushed back always behind something more interesting
so you don't want to find me
you don't want to fix me for I always come as is completely
you don't want to blow the dust off me
you will return me
back to the cool darkness
on the bottom shelf
of aisle 6.
