Right now, I am wondering. I wonder if I am being stupid. I wonder if my heart is controlling my brain. I wonder if I see things that are not there. I wonder if I am working towards a goal that is not there. I put you on a pedestal, it's where you belong, but I wonder if it's my pedestal that you belong on.
Right now I know. I know I am still in love with you. I know I will still do anything for you. I know I will still take care of you no matter what. I know I am willing to spend the rest of my life making up for what I have done wrong. I know I want more, but don't know if I deserve what I have.
Right now I am scared. No matter what I need to live my life. I need interaction. I need affection. I need intimacy. I need someone to be there for me like I am there for you. I have given you about 2 months now. 2 weeks living somewhere else away from me. You are the only one I would have given this much time to. I need to move on one way or another. Either with you, or without you. You know which I would prefer.
Right now I think. I think you still love me. I think if you didn't you would have broke away clean. I think your stuff would be out of my house. I think your dog would be somewhere else. I think you wouldn't be helping me with the kids. I think we wouldn't be talking everyday, even though it hurts both of us. I think as much as all of your reasons make you want you to run, you still want to stay, and can't bring yourself to erase what we had. I think you know what can be, in either direction, and you want to find out which way it will go.
Right now I am sorry. I am sorry for how I reacted. While there is no excuse, for me doing what I did, I think every man has a breaking point. I am sorry for the anger. I am sorry for the confusion. I am sorry for my desire. I am sorry for those that got hurt in my crossfire. I am sorry to the friends I have lost. I am sorry I can't take it back.
Right now I need. I need to know. I need an answer. I need my life. I need you back. I need you, if you're not coming back to go away. I need to not be in limbo. I need you to know, to know that while you may not be here for me, I will always be there for you. If you decide to take your stuff and go, it will be done. Over. Gone. Like nothing ever happened between us. I will erase every trace of us.
Right now I will. I will erase you from my phone, my myspace, my yahoo, my e mails. I will do that for you, not for me. I will do that so I can leave you alone. Because if not, I will never stop trying. You do not need to do the same. Save my phone number. Save my e mail addresses. If you ever need me, for any reason, if I can help I will. I will be there at the drop of a hat. I will do that because, no matter how much anger, how much stress, how much frustration, how much betrayal, has gotten in between us, I still love you. It took a lot for me to allow myself to love you, and let you into my home, my family, and integrate you into my life. It all means so much to me. I will never let anything get in the way of the love I feel for you. I will never just decide this is to hard and give up on something this special.
Right now, I don't know what to do. Time is running out. While I don't want to move on, I don't want to find someone else, I need to do something. I can't just sit here and wait for you. I know we have what it takes to out last any other relationship, if we tried. What we have is more than convenience. Its more than the easy way. Just because times are rough is no reason to throw it away like it is 2 year old sour kraut. (yes I had to include a German pun, joke) I know we were meant to be together. As much as we have helped each other grown in the last 2 years is no coincident. If you let me I will make sure we get through this. I have that power. We have that power, if you don't just give up.
