Over the past few weeks, I have talked to many people who are about to get into a relationship or just ended one. I believe four things need to happen in order for a relationship to work. By talking to them and them listening to me, we all agree that these are needed.
Acceptance - Accept the person for who they are. Don't try to change them. It will not happen. That person needs to want to change. Don't force it on them. Let them do it willingly. If you don't like something about them, then either deal with it or move on. Everyone has something that someone else does not like about them. There is no such thing as the perfect person. Look at them. Does the annoying things they do outweigh the good in them? Does the bad asshole, dick, bitch side outshadow the good? If that is the case, move on. Or does the good shine so bright that the bad annoying side is just a dark smudge next to the good? Are you able to accept them as a whole? Bad hand in hand with the good? Then keep them. If not, walk on.
Communication - One of the biggest things that so many people don't understand. Sure you two can talk, but have you ever listened? You may hear what is being said, but do you hear what is not being said? Actions speak louder than words. Body language does say a lot. Do they interrupt? hang up on you? Walk away? Just get defensive? Do they even look at you? Communication is more than just talking.
Trust - The biggest out of my four is this one. Without trust, you have nothing. If you can't trust the person and believe the person or even be honest with the person, you got nothing. So fragile yet so strong. Once broken, once gone, trust is impossible to get back. Trust is needed. So many times I have seen people stay with someone even though the trust was gone. The nightmare that they put themselves through all because they did not trust someone. Trust... only five letters, but so much wieght behind them. I have seen it been tested by rumors and suspicions, but if trust never was there, then there was no relationship.
Arguements - I don't care how perfect the relationship is, if you don't have a fight, then you don't really truly know someone. This is when the true side of someone comes out. How are they going to be? Clam up? Not listen? Get defensive? Just attack? Bring up old dead issues? Get violent? Or just roll over and play dead? This is the second most important thing in a relationship. You need a fight. A big fight. Something to test the relationship. This is where you find out if it is worth fighting for. If the relationship is worth saving. Does the person always give in? Do they not listen to you? Or do they make you feel like shit to the point of tears and drinking?
This is what I believe needs to happen to have a relationship with someone. Not just a serious one, but any. Friendship, boyfriend / girlfriend, or any.
IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and You're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him on your radar but get to know others
