Terran Nytefyer's blog: "Rantings, Ramblings, & Ruminations"

Pay attention:

It’s not, really.  Not most of the time; and not unless you have a donor whom you can feed from on a regular basis.

When you can’t feed on a regular basis, you become weak.  I mean that in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

You just don’t have the same strength you did before.

Your energies are haywire, you can’t focus or concentrate on things like you once did, or should be able to.

You become lethargic a lot of the time.

You want to sleep a lot, whether you need it or not, because you just can’t think of other things you really want to do.  And, sometimes, you end up sleeping away more hours than you are awake.

You become lonely and disassociated from people, real easy.  You just don’t have the strength or energy to go out and meet people, make new friends.  Which is a wonderful fuck-up, since the only way you’ll be able to feed or get a donor is by going out and meeting people and making new friends.

Also, even if you can’t really be bothered to do much about it, due to lack of feeding, every sexual emotion or attraction you pick up on, arouses you greatly - arouses you more than it should.  which just increases your sexual frustration if you’re already frustrated.

Even substitutes, such as bloody rare steaks, tomatoes, V8, do not help revitalize you like they once did - because you find yourself eating them as often as you can, rather than using them AS substitutes when your donor isn’t around.

Your empathic abilities become jumbled - both strengthened AND weakened (how fucked up is that?).  You pretty much feel everything, but you can’t quite put up the blocks that you need.  Also, everything is dulled - so it’s an annoying buzzing.  You can’t pinpoint from where or who a specific emotion/energy is coming from, but it’s increasingly difficult to block it out.  Yet, you can’t exactly identify WHAT emotion it is you’re picking up.

if you happen to have a job, you don’t want to really get up and go, even if you enjoy it, because you know you’ll be bored/depressed the entire time you’re there.  But you don’t want to NOT go because … it’s your job.  If you don’t work, you don’t feel like even leaving the house - even for something as simple as taking out the dogs.  But you want to stay cooped up inside, because … you don’t WANT to just lie around and do nothing.

As a vampire, when you go for too long without feeding, your entire existence becomes a clusterfuck of overlapping, confused, and confuddled emotions and thoughts that you can’t seem to dissect or separate.

Once in a while, you can break out of it - especially when you know you HAVE to.  But it’s not often.  Which makes it worse.

Trust me - it’s times like these that I absolutely hate being a vampire.  It’s neither fun, nor enjoyable.

Do I like what I am?  Yes.  I have to.  This isn’t something I chose.  So, I need to like it, I need to like me.  Especially when I can feed on a regular basis.

But, trust me when I say that as a vampire, going too long without feeding … is a living hell.  And it’s far from enjoyable.  And it’s not something I’d wish on anybody.

I want to talk to you for a bit about communication, in regards to a relationship.

I’m going to start off here by bragging, just a bit.  This isn’t something I do often - talk about the relationship my gf and I have - because, normally, it isn’t anyone’s business.  But, I’m going t o right now to prove a small point.  Just bear with me.

My gf and I have, for lack of a better word, an almost perfect relationship.  It’s due to the fact that we talk, we communicate.  About everything.  There are no secrets between us, really.  Now, I’m not talking about typical “secrets” like Christmas or birthday presents, or a surprise “Taking you out for dinner” type of thing.  Now, we probably both have little secrets about our pasts that we haven’t talked about (everybody has tiny little secrets).  But, if we haven’t talked about them, or if they haven’t been mentioned, it’s because they will not, and do not, affect our relationship with each other.  They’re not important to the relationship we have.

But, everything else, is pretty much open where we’re concerned.

I’ve noticed, that’s one major factor that causes too many problems with too many relationships - lack of communication.  People don’t seem to want to talk to each other, especially when they’re involved with each other.  This strikes me as, well, stupid.  Why, when you’re with someone, would you not talk to them?  Especially when it deals with your relationship, and things that will affect it?

People, it seems to me, become embarrassed when they’re upset with the person they’re involved with.  They also don’t want to “cause problems.”  You know what will guarantee a problem in your relationship?  Not talking.  Seriously.  If you can’t communicate your thoughts and feelings, your problems (or, should I say, if you refuse to communicate them) to the one you love … you are setting the relationship up to be doomed.

Now, granted, even with communication, some relationships don’t work out.  It happens.  Not everybody is “meant” to be together.  And not everybody is “meant” to be together “forever.”  But, by communicating, every relationship you have will be a bit better.

Honesty, in a relationship, is one of the most important things.  Hence, communication.  If something is bothering you - whether it’s about work, about little piddly things you’re thinking about, about something your love has done, even about a problem with the cat - talk to the one you’re with.  It’s not really all that difficult.  It’s as simple as saying, “Honey, this is what has been bothering me, and this is why I’m upset.”  And it can be done without screaming at one another, or cursing at one another.  Every couple fights - it’s part of being in a relationship.  But, by talking to each other, you can limit many of the big fights that you may have.  Hell, you can even limit many of the smaller ones, too.  Don’t lie, be honest, be truthful.  If you have a problem, talk about it.

Communication is a building block for any healthy relationship.  Even if that means, sometimes, talking about things that don’t always exactly make you comfortable.