why are people fake?why do people have to be something they are not? Why do they feel they have to play this game with me? Do they think i have that kinda time to play with?Why do they waste there time saying they are one way but when you see them they act completely diffferent? why must they lie about who they are and what they want in life? Why can;t people just be themselves and say what they mean and mean what they say? Maybe that is why i am single? Maybe that is why i haven;t found that one special person for my life? Maybe it is becasue I am to real, to honest, to open, to direct.All the qualities that i find good are actually bad.I dno;ty understand how putting yourself out on the line and being who you are can be bad? Is it? Why in this world is love only skin deep?Why is it that most people love for what you look like on the outside and never see what kind of person you are on the inside? Why is it that when someone sees how you are on the inside they only use you? people see what a great person i am (atleast that is what i am told) and use me for how i am ?Why do people insist on shitting on me. Only know me for what i can do for them.Damn I need help., oh i know i will call melissa give her my sap story and she wil help me. I dno;t mind helping people i dno;t mind helping others to be happy but why is it when the ONE time i ask for help i get the slap in the face?What makes it so different for me? is it becasue I am not rich? becasue i don't drive a new expensive car? is it becaue i am not what you call a beauty queen? is it beasue i am not a skinny girl?or is it becasue i am just me. A girl that keeps it real. Am i to blunt and outspoken for most?Does that turn people away. Funny it never turned the jerks away that i have met. yeah you know the guys. Mr. cheater, Mr.scrub, Mr.Beater, Mr. it is all about me. Why am i always getting involved with the wrong people? I know evrythign happens for a reason but why does it have to happen over and over again? Oh wait i know it is cause it is me. Melissa. Melissa is never to be happy.melissa isn;t to meet anyone that can love her for her and treat her the way a women should be treated. why is it so wrong to want that? i cant be fake. I can;t be somsone i am not.I won;t be like those people use other for personal gains.I won't pay someone like they are a game.Why is it so hard to find my special someone? Maybe it is becasue of my past that letting people in and trusting them is a issue.it is really weird. i have a huge heart and i can love,boy can i love but trust is a big ass issue man.it seems like every time i put my gaurd down BAMMMM i get hurt.Like i have always said i would rather be hurt by the truth and knowing you didn;t lie, then being hurt by a lie and knowing that i can't trsut you.
What is it with the people up here in NY? Ny as in upstate. What is the fixation with drinking and getting drunk? Why when asked what do you want to do tonight do people reply" lets go to the locl pub and get a few"? Don't people ever do the park thing? picnics?laying on the ground talking over name that cloud formation? taking walks in the woods?going to a amusement park??What happen to the simple pleasures in life? I don't know. but what i do know is that it is 5:30am and i am going to try this thing i call sleep. lol. I will write more later. Good Night!
p.s. sorry for sounding eratic and like rambling on. I did forewarn you with the title. 5am thinking and babbbling lol
