The Redbone You Want's blog: "Random Strangeness"

Mmmmmeee me meeee...ahem!*clears throat*Hey, is this thing on...?*taps mic*Oh! Well, here we go... It's beginning to look a lot like gift bags, Everywhere I go... 'Cos my gift-wrap skills are awful, And 'cos I'm a lazy ho ho ho.... It's beginning to look a lot like gift bags, I'm not falling in the wrapping trap. Going to finish this junk as fast as I can So I can go take my nap. It's beginning to look a lot like gift bags. No more paper by yard and ream, 'Cos if I have to look at one more crap gift I think I'm going to scream! It's beginning to look a lot like gift bags, Don't tell me I'm starting late! YOU come wrap all this "festive" shit And see if you don't meet the same fate! It's beginning to look a lot like gift bags For ev'ry sweet adult and tyke. But I'll be using the Wal-Mart bags For the family I don't like. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Just a little something I put up at fanfiction.net a long time ago, and thought I'd share. Happy Halloween, y'all. Following the echo of screams, Rancid smells of pain and death. Each thought a jumbled mass of fear Dacning on each labored breath. Dare you enter the blood-red door? Only You know what your next move is. Or do you? Killing is His ecstacy, Run now, if you can. Under every surface his evil presence lurks, Eternal times five sharp blades. Give us a kiss, darling, Every breath you take is his. Run now, yes, if you dare. In every mirror is his face, Shadowed with your fear. Bladed fingers caress your cheek And your shrieks are music to his ears. Come, view the face of Death, Himself, and Know your time of life is at an end

Just wanted to see that in print. I am, though. Horny, that is. Mike's arthritis is getting worse and since he can't afford a doctor, bleh. So, no sexy time for me!! Life so far...? let's see...Mike we already covered. Alex's ADHD meds still haven't been adjusted, and his grades are suffering as a result. And although my Seroquel and the Lamictal are working well enough for me, things have still been hard, what with Mom's birthday & the anniversary of her death just a week later and all. Oh, yeah, and the no sex bit. And we lost another person at my dialysis center a few days ago. Her name was Yolanda and she was one of the sweetest people you'd ever want to meet, always smiling and laughing and seeing the good in things. If she was angry, you KNEW something was wrong. She was only 39. And she wasn't diabetic like me. I'm staring 35 in the face. I'm scared shitless. The tremors in my fingers are getting more pronounced and it's getting harder to type and do all the little things. And while the tremors in my legs have lessened, they've come back a bit in my jaw. That feels funny when I talk. I wonder what the future holds for me. I've heard no more on the transplants. I'm not sure if I'll even be able to get both the pancreas and the kidney transplants. My uncle says he wants to be tested to see if he's a candidate for the kidney, but I think that it was one of those "I'll never have to do it so I'll be generous and offer" sort of offers. Besides, some of the shit(legal and not-so-much-so)that he's taking and is STILL taking, I wouldn't take a kidney from him if it assured me of riches and all the quality high-class ass I could drown myself in for the next 50 years. If I have to sit through one more episode of Sailor Moon, in its original Japanese(with English subtitles, of course!), played at the top volume Mike's crappy laptop speakers can cheerfully belt out, I swear on all that's unholy that I'm going to string him upside down. From the ceiling fan. By his balls. Grrrr...argh...

Ok, I was kinda feeling sorry for myself last night when I posted my last blog. Kinda? Hell, VERY! Not to mention I was down on myself cos I'd posted a mumm asking if I should just jump in & enter a BBW contest here on the Tap. I got about a third of responses jumping on me because I wasn't big enough, another third jumping on me cos I was fat & shouldn't be proud of it, roughly another third, posting to say they didn't give a shit one way or the other & were bored(then why bother posting, hmm?), and the final third just general assinine comments along the lines of "I like cheese". Y'all get the drift. Needless to say, I took that mumm down FAST. So I was really down on myself, which really isn't like me to do. Well, publicly anyway*L* So here I am, pouting & generally hating CT at the moment. Then I log on & read my messages. And I realize that the net ain't the crappy hellhole we make of it all the time. Yes, it has its moments, but for the most part, there are still good people out there. People who are hurting just as much as the next person, but can smile through it enough to make another person's day bright. And most of the good I see online, I've seen here. All of the things y'all do for each other, be it the virtual gifts, the CT marriages, all the goofy, glittery pics, all of it--many may complain about such things, but who's being hurt, really? For every person who bitches, another 5 see these things and smiles. And who can resist a smile, I ask? So, thank each and every one of you for being the wonderful people you all are. It's not always easy to push down your own shit in order to make someone else's day better, but it's managed here on a daily, hell, an hourly basis. Y'all keep doing what'cha do!

Alternative sexuality + disability= one very, very grouchy me. So much shit has gone on since last year, it's not even funny. And it's all has affected/is affecting my sex life. Mike & I stopped going to the local munches when I got sick, before they discovered I needed to have my gall bladder removed. Then our local group disbanded. Finances are always tight around here, and we can't afford to go to Baton Rouge, New Orleans, or Texas to the clubs and groups. And the few lifestylers we knew outside of the group have all either moved, or moved on. Then the hurricanes hit. My mother had already moved in with us by that time, but Katrina & Rita turned what was supposed to be a temporary situation into a full-time one. And though diabetes took much from my mom, it didn't touch her hearing at all. Kinda hard to have sex, let alone scene, in a small house with a mother who's got hearing that most rescue dogs would envy. Not to mention the son-type person. Kinda hard to pack him off to Mee Maw's house when Mee Maw's living with you. It just put a strain on us all. Then when Mommy went into the nursing home, it tore me & my siblings up. We still had to do stuff for her, but she couldn't live with us anymore & we all just felt so guilty. That put a lot of strain on everyone. Then when Mommy passed away, nobody felt like having any sort of sex with their partners/spouses, understandably. We were all too busy grieving. Then Mike went back to college. I was so proud of him! But it took a lot out of him, especially seeing as he was still working full-time, and trying to take care of my health problems and take care of our son. Between his lack of time and my guilt over not being able to be more of a help to him, our sex life suffered yet again. THEN I got sicker and we found out I had to go on dialysis, just like Mommy. Mike's so frustrated, especially since he's had to drop out of school. I hate being the cause of his worry. Sometimes I wish he and I would never have met, then he could've found a better, healthier woman, one who can cook and clean and be for him what a wife, a true wife and woman is supposed to be for her man. He's taking on so much and I'm terrified that I'll end up running his health down and making him as sick as I am, if not sicker. I'm trying to be upbeat & positive to not put any additional strain on him, but there are times that I've actually thought that maybe if I do die, things'll get easier on him. Maybe if I went away to die so nobody finds my body, he won't have to go through trying to figure out how to pay for my burial. Being bipolar doesn't exactly help. When I hit my depressive phases these thoughts get stronger and it's hard not to follow through. Thank God I'm too lazy to take action on that score. Ugh, I hate whiny bitches & it seems I've turned into one. Great. I'm just so restless right now. Sex is still good when we have it, but it's scarce. It's been damn near a year since I've been spanked, flogged, or even given a substantial order to follow. Our fire wands are dried up & pretty much useless. Even when we're both in the mood, we don't play because Mike's afraid of hurting me. Mike allows me to play online, but that got so stale ages ago, it's not even close to funny. What's the point of typing out shit that I can't actually DO? I've got a lovely lady online, we've been together almost 3 years now, and she understands what's going on, as she, herself is a switch, has a hard time finding like minds locally, & is going through a lot in her offline life, but I've been stuck in a submissive rut for so long that it's affecting my relationship with her. There are times when she needs her Mistress and I just can't be there for her in that regard. How can I be an effective top when we're both looking for the same thing? Oi, all this is making my head hurt, which ain't helping seeing that I fell and hit my head yesterday. I should be in bed, but I can't sleep and doc has me on concussion watch any damn way. I think it's a pain pill, then back to bed for me. Who knows, maybe I'll come up with a decent plan of action in my dreams. Or I'll drown in my own drool. Either way, I'll have actually done something productive with my life.

Someone help me get my finger off of the repeat play button...DAMN YOU, NELLY FURTADO!!!! Downloaded some Kat Williams last night...gotta love that man, he's funny as shit...then I downloaded Say It Right & been listening to it ever since. Thought the song was sexy as hell, but after the movie I watched last night, the song's gotten funny as all hell, too. Spent most of last night fielding bad dreams. Guess that's what happens when you spend the day immersed in the Friday the 13th box set you got for Christmas. Ho ho ho to meeee!! Anyway, was watching part 5, A New Beginning...remember that one, boys & gals? The part where that goofy girl was doing all that robot dancing? Gods, I looove watching you white girls dance!(I can talk about y'all white girls dancing. I realized I couldn't dance when I stopped drinking and took steps to protect society from having to witness my fat ass wobbling drunkenly over a dance floor. Consider it my favor to America, patriot that I am.) Totally funny shit...I was thinking that Jason shoulda killed her solely on her dancing. She was so serious about it I couldn't help but laugh--and bemoan the fact that I quit smoking weed over a decade ago--that woulda been some TRULY funny shit to watch while high. Anyway, I'm watching this, & doing my little music downloading jag...download Miss Furtado, blah blah blah...was jazzing on how sexy the song sounded when all of a sudden I noticed something. If you synch the song up with the scene where the girl starts dancing in Ft13/5, it meshes perfectly! Now for most of you normal folks, this is a Huh? moment. Go ahead, take the moment, I know y'all can't help yourselves, poor people. But for those of you who share a brain cell with me, I know y'all feel me on this one. Funny, funny shit. I've been listening to this song & robot dancing ever since. Side note, & even funnier if you're getting old, like I am(or so Hubby keeps telling me): Anyone notice that the beginning of this damn song sounds exactly like the beginning of "Word Up" by Cameo? Every time the song starts I keep expecting the lead singer to hop out with his jherri curl & red leather codpiece & start doing his dance. *freaky8 freaky girl!* Hee. DAMN YOU, LEAD SINGER OF CAMEO AND YOUR JHERRI CURL AND YOUR RED LEATHER CODPIECE!!! DAMN YOU, NELLY FURTADO!!! DAMN YOU, ROBOT DANCING GIRL ON FRIDAY THE 13TH!! AND DAMN YOU, JASON VOORHEES, FOR NOT KILLING THE BITCH SOONER!!! My poor eyes.....oh, you don't meeeeeean nuuuthinnnng at all to meeeeee!!!!