Captain Cooter's blog: "Random Ramblings"

I was looking around on Facebook, and a friend tagged me in one of her pictures. I went to look and...well...I'm gonna post it here, just to show proof that I have always been the attention-whoring person I am today. 3rd grade, guess which one is me?

Here's what's going on lately...skip it if you don't care

I've been kicking ass at work. The bosses all rave about me, the customers love me, the other employees love me...and they are trying to force me to accept a promotion or 3. The managers want me to apply for management, which would be cool but...I'll come back to that in a minute.

I got a new apartment with my sister and her best friend...it's decent. Not great, but it'll do. Bad thing is it's a one year lease, so I'm stuck here in Peoria for a year. I'm already wanting out of here, but I'll manage. Who want's to come meet me? ;)

I've got a real life again, finally, after a year of having none. I guess money and entertainment go hand in hand. I keep busy, very busy. I haven't had the net in 2 weeks and I haven't missed it. But...with all the money I have I gotta spend it on something so....I got it turned on. I got cable installed and decided "what the hell? upgrade EVERYTHING!!" So now I have subscription channels I'll never watch, net that is too fast for the computer I use, and a DVR in every room. The roomies were gonna get the cheap package but...I can make the cable bill in a day. I make rent in 2 :p

Which kinda brings me back to the promotion thing again. I don't want it because it'd be a HUGE paycut. It'd be secure earnings but...I kick ass with tips, it's almost guaranteed income for me. My sister bailed me out by letting me come live with her, and now I'm bailing her out by helping her with money. I'm committed to the year here, and management training is 6 weeks, then they put you in whatever store is available. The company I work for (Hometown Buffet) is really good to their employees...I got medical dental vision and life insurance as a part timer. I don't know many other companies that do that. If I get management I get bonuses...one of which is a company vehicle. I want to do it, just not now.

I found my favorite bar, got an old man there who is VERY generous with his pours. My new friends are telling me they can get me good weed, and I'm going to test it out tomorrow night...but it's fucking Illinois. C'mon, they don't know what good stuff is. I miss my weed. I get asked out at least once a week by customers...it's kinda odd to have girls trying to pick me up at work, I haven't had that since I worked at a bowling alley 10 years ago. Some are actually pretty hot...but I'm not looking for that right now, so I come up with some outrageous stories. So far I've used "I'm gay", "I have herpes", "I'm studying to be a priest", "My mother wouldn't approve", "I'm married", "Tip me enough and I'll give you my phone number" (THAT went over well, actually...until I told them I had no phone).

There is more I'm sure, but I'm not thinking of it now. But in short I've been keeping busy, getting back on my feet, and I'm doing REALLY well now. I'm loving life, and living large. I've missed some of you but most of you...not a bit :p

Well, life is chaotic.

New job, and they are pushing me to get a promotion already. I had 4 jobs lined up...3 of them decided to not hire me because I failed the background check....whoops.

So now I'm working Hometown Buffet, and only Hometown Buffet. It's...decent. Got me a little over $450 for working 20 hours. So...FUCK YEAH. I guess I can live with an average of $20+ an hour.

The GM quit yesterday, and since I've been pressured already to go for management, I expect I'm gonna be pushed even harder now that there is a vacancy needing to be filled. No, not GM...I don't have the 10+ years working in a restraunt they are looking for...but if one of the other managers moves up...we'll see. I kinda want to get my license back before I accept a promotion, but...we'll see what happens, if anything does.

I'm moving this weekend. Been spending a lot of time looking for an apartment. Still going to be living with my sister (mary) and her best friend (Holly)..but it'll be in a bigger place, 3 rooms instead of 2. I won't be on the couch in the living room anymore...I'll have my own closet to sleep in :p

I've been busy, and will remain busy for a while yet...but I'm doing really well, and I hope all you are as well. Just wanted to blurb so I could mass-message everyone and let you know

I love you!!

The cards have been dealt, the dice has been cast

Slipping, sliding, tumbling into the future

It's fate's turn now, we can only watch and wonder

We used up our turn too fast.

It's not ours to question why,

We wasted our turn asking "what if"; forgetting that our turn comes seldom and often ends too quickly.

Now it's the turn of fate, the time to watch as the inevitable unfolds..hoping, yearning for a chance, for another turn

Slipping, sliding, tumbling into the future

It's fates turn now, we can only hope things get better.

Impetuous desire and impatience will lose the game.

Now the future is uncertain, things are cloudy.

What will the roll of fate have in store for us?

We can only wait, watch, and hope..it's out of our hands,

Time spirals out of control..we are merely spectators in the game of life

Slipping, sliding, tumbling into the future

It's fates turn now, we can only dream of what if's

We take the lessons learned, apply them to the future, hope we make better decisions...waiting for our turn to come again

Quick blog...I may expand i t later.

BUSES SUCK!!!!!

My trip started on a Mexican Bus...las Cruces. GODDAMN those are tiny seats WAY close together. There was literally not enough room for me to sit down. I had my knees up to my chest and barely could squeeze in...and then the fucker in front of me leaned his seat back...I swear I popped a nut.

Then I saw a crack-head in San Bernardino...with 1/2 a tooth. Not even a full tooth, just half. WTF?! Why keep it, it's rotten and only serves to bite himself in the gum.

After a 2 hour trip and a 2 hour layover, I had a 2 hour trip to return from where I started from. Fucking Greyhound. I guess the best way to travel East is to start heading West.

After that everything started to blend together into monotonous no smoking warnings and threats of 18 hour layovers if you miss your bus. I got under 2 hours sleep total since Monday night until tonight. Fucking 2 degree change in seat inclination is NOT conducive to sleep.

But, I'm here now...and it was worth every second

Today I am euthanizing one of my cats. Poor feller is about 15 years old or so and..barely a bag of fur and bones. He's old and feeble and it's his time, tired of him suffering...he can't even hop up on the couch anymore, doesn't eat, etc.

So forgive any blah moods

I have a bad habit, one that is driving me literally crazy.

I tend to get songs stuck in my head, songs I haven't heard in a very long time. Chicago, Air Supply, REO Speedwagon...that kinda thing. Around and around in my head it will spend, often for days, until it gets replaced by another song. Annoying as hell, right? I know I'm not the only one it's happened to.

Whats worse, is sometimes it's just a line of a song. Just a fragment that gets replayed, like a skipping record. Over and over, and I find myself screaming in my head STOP!!! OMG JUST STOP OR GET TO THE NEXT LINE ALREADY!!! -skip- my prayers are never answered. Around and around -skip- one fragment -skip- one line -skip- endlessly repeating -skip- driving me crazy.

It gets worse, though. Sometimes I get commercial jingles stuck in my head. (mini buffalo raaaaanch..chikin sammich) Over and over (mini buffalo raaaaanch..chickin sammich) repeating endlessly in my head (mini buffalo raaaanch...chickin sammich) making me crazy, for days on end. OMG...there is NO possible (mini buffalo raaaa-STOPPIT!!!!) way it can get worse, right? Wrong.

For the last 9 days..I have had the Munsters theme song stuck in my head. It's been 16 years since I've seen an episode, or even heard the theme song. Yet it's here, in my head, with a tenacious vindictiveness that can only be instilled by Satan herself. MAKE IT STOOOOOP!!!!!

Da da da da da da da daaaah....da da da daaaa....DA DA!!!

So, me and Stacie were talking today, and we realized that

We're getting married.

More relavant info can be found in Stacie's Blog. Please read it.

Now, the hard part for me is dedicating myself to just one woman...so I was apprehensive to admit the fact that we are preordained to be married. Luckily, we found a loophole that will satisfy all people involved without having to sacrifice either or marriage or my lust for boobs from every woman I talk to and most of those I don't.

I'm becoming mormon

Now, I'm not too eager to be changing religions but, since it's the only thing I can think of...I'm willing to do it. Now I gotta go steal one of those books from the nearest Hotel so I can revel in my new religion. I know that poligamy is still illegal, and Mormons do not practice it but...I'm old-school, and I want a harem.

So, is there anyone out there who can teach me more about my religion? Do I have to eat only fish every 3rd Friday of the second solstice of the new blue moon every leap year or something? Lent is Catholic, right? Do Mormons have anything like that? Do I have to pray every day at 2:15 PM while looking towards Mecca? Help me out here: what are the pitfalls I should be aware of with my new faith?

So people ask me:

LMAO @ ur status

I LOVE your status

OMG, your status rocks

TEE HEE!!


Ok, so those aren't really questions, but I know what the people are wondering. And, since I am nice and all..I'll give the people what they want: an explination.


My status began earlier today, in a mumm. Someone wrote about shoving a watermelon in someone else's pussy, which naturally begat the disbelieving disclaimer of bullshit. Then, true to form, our resident ER nurse Kit puts truth to the claim, saying you'd never believe the kinds of stuff women get caught in their meatflaps (not her wording). Apparently, women shove a whole assortment of things into their fun spots that can just be fished out without the help of the ER. So, I decided that is how I'm going to get rich. I am going to host a tv show on the Discovery Channel called "The Vagina Fisher", where I will toil endlessly, elbow deep, to dislodge  odd and foreign objects from their crevasses.

I assume rings and watches and cucumbers will be most common, but I will also work out those hard-to-get items like chiquita-banana stickers, or Washington Monument replicas, or car keys, vibrating foot massagers, wayward cell phones, game controllers, loose change, leg warmers for the more promiscuous clients...etc. And, much like Mike Rowe, I thought I might need a little help from the public to prepare me for what I might encounter.

So, what odd things have you gotten stuck in your vagina? Or, if you are shy you can claim it was someone else's vagina, or even just say it might be possible and you didn't really experience it...whatever. What items might I need to prepare myself to yoink out of a love-chasm?

<hr/>EDIT!!!

Thanks to McLovin, i realized I have to say something. I will not touch certain objects..so I will not be removing certain things, such as penises or strings from said vaginas. Thank you, please drive through to the second window

Well, since Stacie wrote a blog about me, I'm gonna write one about her. That's the way it works, right? But...hmmm, what to say about Stacie?

She claims she can be a bitch, but in all the years I've known her I have yet to see it. She's the sweetest girl I have ever talked to, genuinely caring and kind. One of only 3 people in my ENTIRE life that I can stand to talk to on the phone for more than 20 minutes, I dunno...must be something to do with trains.  Still to this day, she is the only person who "gets" me. She understands me better than anyone, I think she's still the only one who has attempted to truly understand me. When everyone else turned away, she was still there, she is faithful to her friends to the end.

Crazy-funny and still incredibly smart, it's always a blast to talk to her.  She is just all-around awesome, and there are no words I could use to explain even part of what she means to me. For those who know her, you already know what I mean and are nodding along. For those who don't, you should take a few minutes and get to know her.

Stacie: what a wonderful crazy ride it's been, huh? I'm glad that I got to know you, and you are one of the most important people in my life. Odd, because we haven't met face-to-face...yet not, because we share more than a simular location. I feel at times I've known you since before I was born. You are always there for me, and I always appreciate it. I can't thank you enough for still being there, even when you have every reason not to. You're amazing, and I count myself priveleged just to know you.