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23 Very Funny ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. ... ... 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important
1. I constantly take pictures of myself no matter where i am or who i am with.
2. I cross my sevens and my z's
3. I used to consider myself bisexual.
4. I think the world of myself and think everyone else should do the same.
5. I am a huge goofball and nothing brings me more joy than making someone laugh, even if it's at me.
6. I watch porn. Nothing wrong with porn.
7. I have a slight infatuation with vampires.
8. I can be very shallow.
9. It takes alot to earn my trust.
10. I have never been in love.
11. I think marriage is a sham. Don't know why anyone gets married.
12. I have been married once. Never plan on making that mistake again.
13. I look at myself in any refective surface I can find and love to watch myself walk.
14. I do not fear dying.
15. I am divorced
16. I prefer Dr. Pepper over Coke.
17. I like soy. Really llike soy.
18. I was a vegan for a year and lost a lot of weight and got really sick... but I looked fierce and would do it again.
19. I am easily distracted by bright shiny objects.
20. I love my breasts and would like everyone else to bask in their awesomeness.
21. I would be a porn star.
22. I am half mexican and half german.
23. I am a pagan.
24. I write inspirational phrases on my mirrors.
25. I will try anything atleast once.
26. My idol is Mae West.
27. I hate skinny bitches.
28. I would rather text than talk on the phone.
29. I hate living in Texas.
30. It takes alot to make me mad, but once you get me there it takes alot to calm me down.
31. I space out at work when my bosses are talking to me... all the time.
32. I quote movies.
33. I now have five tattos and one of them doesn't have a star in it!
34. I have had less sexual partners than you think...
35. I am a tease... a horrible tease.
36. I talk alot of game but i am really shy when put on the spot.
37. I have never had a driver's license.
38. I don't like bridges!
39. I will eat anything cherry flavored...
40. I don't like to perform fellacio
41. I smoke cigarettes.
42. i don't do any drugs... and haven't for awhile
43. I talk about myself in third person from time to time.
44. I am proud of the fact that i do NOT have a southern accent!
45. I have a happy dance.
46. I have an awesome relationship with my mother.
47. I have been diagnosed with OCD and narcissitic personality disorder.
48. My dad died when i was 18.
49. I will not ask a guy to help me... i don't like chivalry.
50. I have a certain weakness to military men...
51. I am an attention WHORE!
52. I like writing quirky little things on boxes, envelopes, in dust, on people.
53. I have strong religious views but do not push them on other people and will only talk about it when asked.
54. I worked in a hospital for two years.
55. I will do almost anything i am asked by my loved ones... and they know this...
56. I think people should have far more sex than they do... there would be less fighting.
57. I have only broken one bone in my body... my tailbone... don't ask.
58. I love all things German.
59. I currently do inventory control for a major corporation...
60. I wear lowcut shirts to work to see if i can make any coworkers have a... well problem...
