RenoGal's blog: "Poetry"

Hello everyone and Merry Christmas!! I hope this letter finds you well. It's been a long year of trials and tribulations. This time last year I was in the hospital fighting to survive. My kidney transplant had rejected and I was slowly slipping. I was sent to the transplant hospital in San Francisco to see if anything could be done to save the transplant. The doctors kept me there for four days. Finally they told me there was nothing they could do so I was sent back home. Once I was home the kindney doctors here started me back on dialysis and I was starting to feel better. The day of my third treatment back I was not doing so well. It was also the day after Christmas. The nurses could not keep me awake. So they called the ambulance and took me to the hospital here. Once I had an I.V. in place the doctors sent me to get an MRI. Come to find out I had a blood clot in my lung. So heavy doses of blood thinners and close monitoring was started. I was very weak and tired. Days went by and so did the dialysis treatments. The doctors were doing the best they could to get me better and back to my old self again. Before I knew it New Years Eve was here. I had the best view of the fireworks and I also had my own room. Mom had brought me sparkling cider to celebrate. Also earlier that night my friend's had brought me my favorite food for dinner. Chicken nuggets. It was a great day and night. A few days later I was ready to go home. Home wasn't my home though. I was staying with my mom for the time being since I was still to weak to be on my own. I was going back to the clinic for dialysis but something was starting to go wrong with my arm. It was starting to swell and hurt really bad. So my surgeon and I decided to put a dialysis graft in my leg. Surgery was scheduled for February. Once I had the surgery done and the graft was placed in my leg I couldn't wait to start getting better dialysis. Well once again things were going to go wrong. The day I was supposed to have the techs at dialysis start using my leg, It was clotted. So I was scheduled to go in to the hospital and get my leg unclotted. Once my leg was unclotted and healed I was ready to have the tech’s use my leg. The first day was incredibly painful I was screaming and crying. The dialysis needles they use are very large, and I was not used to getting poked in my leg with needles. As time went on though my leg was getting used to it and so was I. It's a year later now and I am doing very well. Dialysis is going well and I am back to my old self. It's Christmas time again and here I am smiling and standing tall. God is wonderful and works in mysterious ways. I am thankful for his healing hand and that he has kept me here to spend another year with family and friends. So as I end this letter I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.Always,Robin

This is my heart,
being poured out to you.
i tell you everything.
except the fact......
well i think you know.

i love you!
you've been through thick and thin with me.
you talked to me when no one else would.
you made me feel loved.

the only time you weren't there,
was on the weekends that's only cus,
you didn't talk on the weekends.
those were the times i missed you.

you may not think the same about me ,
but i had to let you know this.
if i hadn't written this then i would be sad.
i had to let it out! 
i had to tell you.

this is my heart being poured out to you.
i hope you know how much i care.
for if we do meet i hope you will love me to!

A girl on her knees begging pleading please
she crys but no one hears.
she is in pain and suffering,
from all the hurt that eats at her.
A girl on her knees begging pleading please

A girl on her knees begging pleading please
GOD take it all away!!
all the pain and suffering,
i cannot endure.
the life she is leading will be no more.
a new life she will live.
A girl on her knees begging pleading please

A girl on her knees begging pleading please
i will fight the battle.
i will be free.
so no more begging and pleading i will endure.
A girl on her knees begging pleading please

i want to cry.
i have no tears.
i want to scream.
i have no voice.
this is pain

i want to run.
nowhere to run to.
i want to be held.
i have no friends.

i cry.
i scream.
i run.
i am held. 
for i know pain.
i have conquered!

i sit here in silence.
no words you will hear.
i am scared for if i speak,
no one will hear me.

i sit here in silence waiting.
i know you don't hear me if i speak.
for if i speak you will not care.
i feel that is how we live.

sitting in silence.
not to speak for if i do,
you will not hear me.
you won't even care.

i'm not bitter.
i just wish you would listen.
for when i do speak, 
i have a lot to say.

I wait for you.
you do not show.
i hope you have not forgotten me.
i am waiting.

i see people pass by hoping it's you.
i wave.
i feel like an idiot.
it's not you.
i am waiting for you.

i wait for you hoping you will come.
i wait for you cus i love you.
please come i am waiting.

Why do i try to work things out?
You only hurt me.
You never try so why should i?

I say i'm leaving but i only come back.
you say you love me but yet you turn your back.
I say i hate you but why am i kissing you.

You say you're sorry.
Then why is she here?
You say you wanna get married.
Yet we are apart.

Why do i try to work things out?
Why do i try.
Some one please tell me.
For now my love we are through.

You go your way i will go mine.
You see my dear i am tired.
Tired of trying to work things out.

it's a new day!
a new begining 
time to live again

let your sheilds down
let people in
it's a new day!!

i'm not gonna be like you anymore
i'm not gonna live your rules
it's a new day!

it's been so long 
since i lived my own way
was my own person
it's a new day!!!

i am me 
you are you
we are two difeerent people
it's a new day!!!!

time to go and leave you
but i am here for you
but as myself 
it's a new day!!!!!

you see it in her eyes.
you hear it in hear voice.
that desperate cry.

she longs for you to hold her.
she needs you to make her feel loved.
she needs you to make her feel wanted.

she needs you.
the love you gave her is gone.
you hurt her. 

why didn't youlove her?
why didn't you want her?
didn't you hear her?
didn't you want her?

her heart is cold now.
she cannot love again.
because of you!

your cold heart,
that saw it in her eyes.
your cold heart,
that heard it in her voice.

i hope you are happy with what you have done.
you tore her soul apart.
turned her heat cold.

i pray you see that you were wrong.
with the 4 harsh words you said you her....
I DON'T LOVE YOU.

because of you!
she cannot love again.
because of you!
her heart is cold 
because of you!