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What are you waiting for?
I'm not always good with words,
saying how I feel seems wrong.
All I have ever wanted
was the one thing I could never have.
One thing that was always denied me.
I jumped in with both feet,
when I should have used my head.
Is it wrong for me to want things?
Wrong to be selfish on occasion?
Sometimes I act without thinking,
I say things I regret,
I hurt those around me.
Perhaps I should leave well enough alone,
not try to examine what I feel.
Shut myself off as I have before.
Part of me can't do this,
part of me wants to yell and scream,
to say yes! I have been done wrong.
Yet part of me just wants
that one little thing that I can't seem to find.
When I do I am not sure how to deal
I just want to be loved,
I want it to be real.
I want more strength in my life.
I want to be selfish, to be free,
to have all the little things
that will make me happy.
I want peace of mind, to be loved,
and share my heart, without fear of who I am.
I want to smile, to laugh,
even to be myself without fear in my heart.
I want to let go of the hurt, let go of the anger,
let go of the friends who do nothing but cause me pain.
I will succeed, have all I desire,
be free with who I am then I will be content.
If I were a color,
what color would I be?
Would I be blue?
For without you beside me
I just couldn’t see.
Would I be red?
For the passion in my heart
would be taking hold?
I am unprepared if that happens,
I want to fight being cold.
Would I be green?
For the things I have seen
could make me jealous.
The wanting, the desires,
perhaps make me over zealous.
Would I be grey?
The world filled with its magic
Yet, I would be to sad to enjoy it.
Now that would truly be tragic.
Would I be white?
With everything I have inside
That I want to share with the world.
I no longer want to run and hide.
So I ask you If I were a color
what color would I be?
Trying to find that special someone.
Everywhere I looked you were there.
I felt you here just yesterday
when I closed my eyes.
Once I opened them again,
you were gone.
Frantically I searched,
praying you were okay.
Each moment that passed
felt longer than the one before.
Hopelessness, loss, emptiness,
nothing held any meaning.
Confusion was all that was left.
The fog lifted,
I realized where you were.
This whole time you were there,
you never left,
you held me in your hands…
For you are me.
The game of life.
Empty promises are just meaningless words
from someone who doesn’t really care.
Why should I have ever believed you would?
I’ve been down this road a time or two
trying to make sense of what has come to pass.
I try another long road and wonder
what will happen when I get there.
Will it be another set of lies that await me?
I will find out one way or another,
I guess In the end it’s all the same.
It’s not who wins or loses-
It’s how you play the game.
