QuikEMarts Finest's blog: "Poetry Such as It Is"

My love, my only comfort, vanishes without explanation I'm running on faith that she's okay and nothing's wrong In the meantime I'm depressed, just wanting her near me This is not the first time She's addictively talking to me most of the time But then she seems to avoid me And I don't know why until after she's done with something Communication evades me, happiness is the carrot dangling In front of the horse that runs my life And when I'm depressed, there is no one to confide in No one I trust but my love So I sit here in my private pain, just wanting a sign That my one comfort in this world is okay and not avoiding me Without her, I feel nothing but pain

What do people mean when they say normal? Is it the stereotyped American dream? White picket fence, two cars in garages Married, kids, friendly neighbors I've never seen that in my lifetime So why do we call it normal? And what about dating? Why do we feel the need to have Someone to screw to make ourselves fit in? Why can't we just be alone and happy? Does a man need to be rich to make himself a name? Does your identity require a six figure income? Does our identity require having someone in bed with us at night? For me, being normal is a dream in itself Getting by on one job, a wife to cook and clean Well-behaved kids who do their chores and eat right Whatever. From what I've seen, "Normal" is a disorder caused by Conforming to impossible standards Marriage doesn't last, friends move on Money stays in the hands of idiots with dumb ideas And in the end, I just don't care about being normal

Behind these eyes lies a pain that few ever know The pain of betrayal by those who claimed to care When I say what's on my mind Friends turn their backs and walk away People say I look cool and commanding But deep down I only want some help From people who won't give me the time of day Charity means nothing to me I have yet to see them actually do something For those who need it Sure, they pour money into a national disaster But when a man who has never known true freedom Needs a helping hand and something to free him From invisible shackles of hate and oppression No one lifts a finger because he isn't the social type So I work like a slave, pouring everything into a meaningless struggle While people who call themselves friends give me their condolences And then go buy a new TV to watch the big game My faith in humanity is dead Behind these eyes is a secret hatred for the able They have the means, but they don't feel they need To do something to make one man's dream come true The dream of being free of the tyranny of the uncaring

My family is one with a horrible past Abuse and oppression mark our lives My own parents cared more about money and television Than they did about their own son I would have a personal problem that shook my world And my mother would eventually tell me to be quiet Because she couldn't hear her show I remember often when I would be talking to my father And he would start nodding off in the middle of the sentence Apparently he has a heart condition that makes him fall asleep At inopportune times Where did this all lead me? I grew up without a listening ear And their god didn't exactly listen either He was too busy judging me for my sins My grandmother is the only one in my family I consider respectable And she's almost on her death bed The rest of them are one big tornado of guilt and childhood pain So the idea of spending a day with them Is like being held down and flogged for something I don't remember doing So thankfully, I'm working overnights and can't go I need my sleep for the following night But in the meantime, all my friends are just too busy Welcome to the holidays in the eyes of an outcast

I am a man divided, full of anger Yet wanting only to rid myself of its taint Every step forward has that moment In the corner of my eye, the evil I feel Creeping inside me Eating at what I want to be I can't get away from its source, not yet I am still held back by the consequences Of actions done out of love that nearly destroyed me I felt like a murderer holding the knife Ready to plunge it in the heart of the one I held dearest And I did, having no choice but to believe That what I wanted most was only destroying me That was the day I lost faith in everything I felt was pure I lost my innocence the day I betrayed my own heart to do as I was told Can I ever forgive myself? Life was never guaranteed to be fair But all I want is a chance to live a happy life Free of the things that anger me Is forgiveness too much for a man without a soul left to sell? Will the villain inside ever go away?

A Holy son who never existed Demanding fealty for in exchange for salvation From your own actions and an imaginary consequence Stories even children don't believe Invented by the Romans to control the ignorant masses Seek forgiveness from ghosts that don't care about your sins Or a pedaphile who has taken your true son's innocence Streets paved with gold, a lake of fire Which is more believable? Don't ask questions or believe the hard proof Science is your enemy because it proves you wrong Slaves to an ideal, masters of guilt Kneel, oh Christian

When the attacker in the dark was never really there and you were holding the knife When the one who destroyed your life is the one you see in the mirror When your friends seem to harm you more than your enemies When the poison on your fork is your own recipe When the monster in your closet ends up being you What do you do?