selling my body for cherry blasts's blog: "Poet-try"

I havent been feeling like doing much lately. I guess i figured that if i just start writing thn something will magically appear from the keyboard that I havent been able to find on my own. I don't really think I'll be able to hold a job, ever. I realized this finally after 2 years of proof, It shouldn't be this way but I don't see the light where I become this hugh impact player on the world seen. Fuck it, even the neighborhood scene, I just want to do what I want to do all the time. If that conflicts with your interests then we can part ways. I have submilinally trained myself for whatever the fuck it is that I do. It's not anyones perfect picture of what life should be, but it seems to work for me. My arrogance is going to be what ultimately forces me to the challenge that I won't be able to overcome. It's just at this point you have to keep fighting. The trampoline that I have under me is made of dental floss and cardboard. I'm 300 feet up and juggling fire, but it's fun. I just wish I could get out of this funk, one last time...

baby girl, beleive i see, the fascination you have for me hope its a passing thing, cause i dont feel the same and your making me feel bad i dont deserve that worse yet, you lye about it even worse yet, i survived hell just to land face first, in the bottom of the frying pan worse even still survivings a pain paychecks disguised as anything i cant see Its becoming quite annoying and i cant stop destroying everything i touch turns to pain im broke and your boring. dont mean to hurt your feelings, i know how it is. to love completely, but they dont give a shit. feeling queezy, and your bout to get sick. please beleive me, i love ya like a lil sis. and it aint easy to not grab your ass after a couple beers, but somehow i manage. seriously though, i cant tell a soul that im scared to death of dying alone but thats the direction, i seem to be headed in, cause i push away everyone, that gets to close. not just you but there was this one girl that got in my head and saw the inner circle just last night i told her i loved her for the first time since we broke up she replied with three words, "leave me alone". bents.. how i felt, now im back in the zone. spent.. all this effort, to finally let her know. hint.. she recommended I go get one. please spare this man, the feeling that she had. when she listened to a love she couldnt give back. trust me, it's not fun whats done is done, permanent. so i dial the phone, of the ol' booty ho, cause we both know, where there for sex, not love. pain and bliss married and buried me to my neck. you wonder why of wary of strangers and letting you in?

smoke such weed, when i shit it smells like roach clips. fucked so many girlfriends, when i piss it smells like your dick. you say im not a pimp, shit you must be delerious fucked so many chicks I started having a period! billy macs back attacking this track im racking black jack with the new rat pack grab a couple girls, one spic one black and its off to the crib with my mind on your ass get doublement dome, thats twice the head. orchestrate the whole thing like bethovens fifth. tell you lick her snatch i'll do you from the back smack your ass then... stop, switch what a lovely thing unite the races, sexual ghandi master p was bout it bout it billy g is rowdy rowdy ob-vi-ou-sly im far from average your missionary, im wearing outfits gotcha in a swing hanging from the ceiling hooked to a battery through your pussy piercing real sex pure entertainment try your best but ya just cant contain the way your legs shake like a drug to your vein when we get naked and fuck in the rain

start a new job in a brand new place chrysler jeep dinner, jaguar tastes boss is a dick, gonna punch him in the face but i just can't, this is my last chance so i just bite my toungue cause the past repeats run, run, not this time son im standing on a see-saw way above long gone. one false move and lights out, im done so i pack up my stuff and do as im told head on home, not to return till after the funeral. thanks mr. manager i hope you got off on putting me down, and proving whos the boss. cause now i dont care a shit about your little cars first scent of a job and this cowboy's gone. but im still strugglin...... dont get the wrong impression, i aint a saint i dont got a lesson, just a head that contains 20 fucked up main frames hooked to my brain stem filtering lies and spitting out nonsense say it with a smile, do it with confidense people will buy if your dancing and smiling im stuck denying, lifes even real last time i felt love was some time last year. i gave it up crying and she aint been back since. sure ive tried she wont take my calls maybe im a stalker, but she dont call the law maybe its a wierd game only i play but i cant get her love for me off my thoughts hopeless, desperate been both of them top-seater, heavy-hitter is my real claim to fame all of it means nothing, dont care what the bitter say. i love the way the sun shines making it a brighter day casting a shadow on a lovely wife and family. but im still strugglin.....

times up time to decide what im gonna do is it time to ride? harder than i been doing can that be right? i 'd like to see you try follow me all day and night i'll make you laugh might make you cry whatever it takes to see inside your fake fasade thats portrayed at night only let people see you done-up right. i need a girl that can see inside between the spaces inside the lines accept me for me. too bad i just cant find her. but if you look just slight and i let you besides me. visualize please the mind of a giant who slipped up tricky dick and fell on a bee-hive. got stung 16 times just in one eye and his brain feels like the devils soldiering iron the might begin to describe why i get so high why i hate pretty boys but still think im fly. so instead i hide behind the confidense line and keep my brain locked-up tighter than fort knox. I'll give you the real me, dont think youll like it. you love the cool guy that walks like a giant stroll into the club gonna fuck or riot. everybody looks but i dont see shit, i see me from a different angle cause I know the truth and with a shitload lies and just an ounce of quoth Sure to make you all smiles. but surprise look inside not just into my eyes cause my souls been trained to lie but fuck it, you can try I'll even let you decide sure enough you run back to your old safe life i dont hate i understand im just too much what really makes the man?

in raleigh, let me know if you want to hang out

written down words cant ever be profound cant catch every thought in your mind going round and round its like aksing a fish to drown or frowning at a clown? whats the point find relief in a joint pop the clutch in the datsun and head to the store grab and old freind, bud weiser 40 oz, speaking of profound I just bought einstein for $2.49 and it comes in a brown bag. thats cheap for a rhyme thats as deep as dimes wide im so behind the times trying to read between the lines my brains gone rabid dont believe that it's mine. panic attackin in the back of the wagon swallowed all the xanax with 44 magnum captured it all on my digital camera i'll share it with ya fuck pen and a paper getting no respect a la rodney dangerfield Look right there I made ya feel take it back feelings are wack unless of course their doublestacked than is alright to hug a man and tell him hw your feeling and remnise, rekindiing that old friendship you wish you still had that faded fast like tabs of acid on the toungues of the new generation like i know shit im just ranting and raving its just pen and a paper and im just a crazy kid.

Been thinking about the future a little bit When it finally comes whats it gonna bring with it Will it be diamonds and gold with no bank account limit Or a heart full of holes that doesn’t beat just twitches That’s just a corny rhyme that defines the current times Of my minds decline Here we go…….. Im drinking turpentine just to talk in rhymes it lets my mind go… to stop thinking about time it consumes my mind all day and night don’t think im wrong but some yall might that’s being polite roll the dice at a pair of brown mice and poke em with needles until they turn white tell all the people you got a surprise a brand new way to feel better inside just take thre pills after three meals watch afro puffs turn blond with curls sweet caramel skin turn ivory pearl plus yall still win the hundred yard sprint. And science would scream “Good Lord Ohhh Mighty!!” We just discovered the best human body The blacks would look in disgust, I think so, probably? “that cocky Caucasian trying change my body” “fuck all yall crackers and doctors high and mighty the day this skin turns white is the day Ill be dying.” Keep your new product don’t tell me a price why you still here? Im just not buying Settle down my sweet Nubian princess I don’t come with hate, please You gotta believe me just a brand new way to make life easy a miracle from science given to the people it only lasts three days then your shade turns back to the way you were on the day that god made ya do it enough and you just might learn how easy it is to be a white person we get everything free and life’s so perfect livin by a different set of rules than a colored person better schools no police jobs without judgment everyones opinions gonna turn contrary just because they didn’t know this thing was temporary its scary and cheating life to think of change forever but if it could happen without any questions no side- affects? Is it a curse or a blessing To change ones-self For the sake of perspective The real funny thing is that it won’t help the people Stuck black and poor in the middle of the city It helps the ones Already given in This medication aint cheap Or even close to it And you don’t get none Unless you got the dough A benefit like this Cost a thousand per dose. CNN, Fox News, and Tom Brokaw Will paint this picture anyway they’re told. At a thousand per pop this shit is black gold Fast cash in the pocket For the price of your soul Watch the profit Sky-rocket Cause everybodies sold Why not stop to try it We’re the culture of whores Poor still gonna bitch Rich still gonna ignore Now even more, because of the cure That takes away the attributes that made the road hard. We’ll all sell our soul To the Science of God Trade in the new for old With a pill and a doc- Tor, her or him They can write the prescription It wont change your life just the color of your skin But they’ll sell that shit Open hand and a grin Like it’ll change your life, A brand new beginning From black to white Fuck the opposition Culture doesn’t matter Where the dollar is the king. And I’m gonna cry myself to sleep Cause Im sadly thinking This is how it’s gonna be Were being pulled on a sled through piles of shit By marketers, science And the governments whip We make tons of money On peoples self-esteem Slow down now please,I think I’m jumpin off Rather live in shit, than this chariot of fire.

All alone, because nobody understands me. I don’t even understand myself As I sit here alone, alone on my throne All that I have, is all I have known. Lonely night tears, My smallest worst fears Smile and swagger can always get cheers. If you come to me you’d better hold tight. This ride here with me is sure no delight. It’s a ride down the shitsville the lowest of low. In a room full of thousands, I’m clearly alone. Alone in the middle, all eyes on me. I think to myself, “What do they see”. But it’s just who I’ve shown them Who I want me to be. Once the day is done and it’s me and my deception. I think of a new way to stop this depression. I take drugs and drink till my body’s all stink This is last time I do this, I begin to think. Of course it happens again, what break the link? Because this is me in all of my glory And this is just the tip of my story Before you love me or even think that you may Do us a big favor and just run away. I’ll drag you into my world, a place you’d rather not go So when you see me, sit back and enjoy the show. Face-to-face I’m the star of the place. Alone in my room im a fucking disgrace. I’ve dealt with my world now for about 7 years. I can deal with myself, it’s you I bring tears It may hurt now, but trust me it’s for the better You couldn’t handle my thoughts, however witty or clever Don’t even think about taking a seat next to this throne. This throne’s built for one, here I am all alone.

When I look at a puzzle and all those crooked pieces. i feel you see a picture, but i see holes and creases. surely not a gift for me cause you can see the spaces. and I'm not the best a shootin straight or explinations. but i guess i see myself as a piece of work in pieces. first gonna make that border, then fill in the rest take your time, use them eyes then grab yourself the best choosed piece. one by one until it's done then proud of it's completion. buuuuuuttttttt... those fucking creases got me thinking and thinking that the puzzle looked better in the box where it's needed.