RhiannonMari Pagan Family's blog: "Peering into a piece of me..."

The Rush A shadow of darkness… An angel of death… A river of blood… And the sky of darkest black… Hovers over us with a wave of sadness. Confusion sets in my mind fast like lightning. Shockwaves run through, Up and down my spine. My adrenaline is pumping, My pulse is racing, And with such rage like no one’s ever seen, I dive overboard, My body crashing into the fierce, dark waters. My will gone, I let myself sink down to the bottom… My eyes open at all times, a blank expression on my face. But should anyone look close enough, They would spy a soul so old and & restless… It could strike fear into the hearts & souls of the most evil beings in creation… Even Evil itself! Rhiannon 1/21/99 revised 1/11/04

“The Individual In Society” We are all made up of differences and similarities, Yet many are blinded by our differences They just don’t understand. We have yet to learn from our past mistakes. People choose not to look beyond the background of others. They only see the color of their skin, The way they dress, Their ethnic/religious background… They refuse to see the person within. They don’t want to be proven wrong And to learn that we all are the same. We are all part of the circle of life, And we should stop hating ourselves, For we are unique beings tied together as one, Connected by a single chord, And we should start caring for one another And live in peace and harmony! ~ Rhiannon 9/26/99

The eternal flame Burns deep within With a taste of acid in the air around it. But bitterness does not buy love, my friend. Nor does it help your situation at all… Love Heart And soul!!! These words are unknown to thee. You just toss them around Like pieces on a chess board. You wouldn’t know love if it shot itself into your heart like a samurai. Lonely hearts go unnoticed by people like you Mainly because your emotions are so distorted …almost nonexistent… that you would not be able to recognize feelings of love or sadness, etc… so farewell, my lost angel… I will love you forever more… ~Rhiannon 6/29/99 revised 1/17/04

Survival Lust Hatred And love An endless void through which we all try to live. There is no peace No feelings of fulfillment or completeness. Only the confusion & frustration that lasts an eternity. Living in a strange world, an eternal darkness Never knowing how nor why we continue to struggle & move on. In the end, there is no wait There is no light of clarity & understanding Just a numb emptiness… The rain keeps falling But none of it reaches your eye It keeps passing you by. Thunder racing in the skies Lightning reflects itself in your eyes Surfing through time Scattered in space Laughing Crying Spitting upon my own image The ripples are small, yet forceful & strong Moving fast against the current. Laughter fades Memories drift But looking in the farthest corner of any room, Whether it be a spark of light Or a bit of shadow, Hope, faith & love still reign! ~Rhiannon revised 1/18/04

Solitude Doesn’t anyone hear my cries? Doesn’t anyone feel my pain? Until the time of a new sunrise Shall I cry out in vain? Mine eyes have cried too many tears My body and soul have felt too much pain I’ve had the urge to destroy As I have been destroyed… I’ve had the urge to scream Without the voice… Can’t anyone see? Am I truly alone? Tomorrow, will I be gone? ~ Rhiannon 4/2/98

Silence There’s silence… Before me…behind me…all around me. Feel like I’m going out of my mind… All alone in a world of nothing. I can’t speak… And I don’t dare breathe… Feeling it might disturb the silence! But wait…what’s that? I hear a bird singing… As I stir from my slumber… For a moment, I was at peace… Now… I’m home. Rhiannon 10-11-96 revised 1-8-04

Sadness Depression is me In all I feel & do Throughout these wicked years! ~Rhiannon 9/2/99 revised 1/18/04

The Trodden Path 10-18-01 Hearts entangled in a swirling stream… Thrashing about for a way out. Wondering, waiting for the day she’ll know the path To the world beyond her own… To life! Storming about, unpredictable as the wind… Asking herself, where does one begin… Begin to see beyond the path behind, Beyond the rage and pains of worry… Beyond herself…to see what is before her. When does one learn when to grasp ahold of the life before her? To cut those ropes of yester-ages… To see beyond what is known… And to seek one’s hopes and dreams… That which is staring oneself pointblank in the face! One is of the mind that does not think, only feel… One does not know where to start, and when to end. When one is not alone…she makes herself lonely… As though she were alone…not caring… Or perhaps caring too much… One is filled with a surplus of emotions… Such as one never even imagined existed! But only dreamed of… And when it manifests, One has decided to run… Though never knowing what she is running from… She turns away from all the clear paths. She keeps running deeper into a deeply seeded forest… Full of maggots and such that tear at her entire being! Until she is not a being at all…but an empty spirit… Though one cannot truly be empty, As the emotions never flee her… Only stay within, Where they may fester and scream… Till the day she faces them…perhaps to the death… On that day, she will rise to her falling… Jump into the calm before the rushing tornado… And collapse under nature’s breath! But perhaps then she will find herself anew… With a new beginning to a life she never faced… But until that day, she runs…and climbs…and hides… Hoping that she doesn’t near the end of the forest… And find herself as alone as she began… And perhaps…if she should chance upon that new start… They may bloom together into a new season of life! As noone should be left to fend alone… But the problem has never been ‘being’ alone… Only not knowing the right way to ask for guidance… But now one asks…is there love enough to share… And would you hear me if I called?

What’s going on in this life of mine? What’s going on deep within? I’m angry, confused, nervous & scared, Of this tornado in my mind… Outside, everything confuses me… I’m frustrated, scared, and everything is so unclear! My soul pulling in every direction, I cry… I feel unsafe in my surroundings, and within myself. Should I reveal myself… let someone in…? Is it safe to be so open with my ragged soul? Can I truly afford not to? Whiplash from the spoken mind… Guilt for that which is not… Where is the compromise? How do people deal? I’ve found something so precious in my life… It frightens me… Knowing that I push away so often From that which I hold dear! A soul that longs for acceptance, Both from others and within… So frightened, confused, and shy. My efforts being thwarted by my own self! I have no oasis… No certainty, no confidence… I fear I have nothing… Nothing within to develop, to make better… I am lost… lost in love…lost in myself! written 10/6/97, revised 3/27/04

Every Time Every time you fail, you hide… You add another brick to the wall. And every time you close off your inner self… You push father away from those you love. When you feel you don’t belong, And refuse to reveal your emotions… Not only do you turn those you care most about away, But you lose a piece of yourself as well… You forget yourself… Turn into a reflection of your surroundings, Leaving your soul empty and sad within… Creating a void of envy for all of eternity, For those who reveal themselves with certainty! ~ Rhiannon 2/14/97 revised 3/27/04