RhiannonMari Pagan Family's blog: "Peering into a piece of me..."

Come join us where the nights are long and the air is still... Where the trees weep and the creatures whisper... Where bonfires ablaze and a voice in the distance beckons you near, "Come into the realm where darkness is light and dreams are reality... where good and evil are one, and nothing may be taken for granted...... WELCOME..."

a simple slit, and like a flood, it pours out dark, rich, sweet... with a taste, it draws you in you feel the passion, the lust, the hunger that lurks within... as i dare not hurt another soul, a monster i have made of myself.... to keep the beast at bay to keep the hunger pains a minimum until it ends and i have lost myself... Rhiannon Mari

i look forward to the day we meet.... and then i can share with you a piece of my world. for no flower is sweeter than the one that has touched your lips and no candle burns brighter than when you're around... till whenst we meet, let me kiss the dream of you and touch the heart that has touched me so....

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Genius Undertaker. Where You Lived: Ontario. How You Died: Hung for treason.

Cold Cold, cold like the dead winter snow. Cold like a spirit constantly haunting my own. Cold… painful, yet, comfortable. I need to be cold to be closer to reality. To be alive, and yet, to be dead. It’s a paradox, the cold is. It’s Life! ~ Rhiannon 9/26/96

You looked away And now I’m gone And you know now that ‘forever’ is not very long When I look into your eyes I’m afraid of what I might see And when I look into the sky My heart and soul cry out, wishing to be free! If you are a flame I am the candle that dare not light For what I feel is wrong Is the same thing you feel is right My thoughts confuse me And your words depress me. You have no idea the effect you have on me And I have no idea what is to be. So when I look up at the dark night sky With stars so tiny, yet bright I will make a wish for your happiness And wonder if the decision I made was right. But fear not! For I have a dream That a softly sung lullaby will set us free.

01-03-02 i'm just a girl.... a socio-phobic woman... with nothing to give... nowhere to hide... guess i'm not worth being... guess i can't just make you see... i can't explain myself as i wish i could well...let us try... i'm not looking for apologies... not looking for pity or comfort... words spoken even in joke or slight... i cannot begin to show you... bear with me ...or don't... what have you... but i cannot explain myself or tell you what i want from you... i don't want anything from anyone... save for myself to stop the insanity... to be able to speak, where i never was able to wish you would stop and just breathe... you're only making yourself more upset, and i know for that i am to blame... i accept that...as much as you deny it, i know you know it too... we're one of a kind ripping each other apart... and twas i who started it all.. i know you want an explanation... i cannot give a good one... all i can say is a little girl was joked around about something she said or some way she thought or spoke.... and she felt hushed...and could go no further... i would not say what i want or do not want... i would not wish to have either wants or not wants i love you...but only want for you to be happy... realizing it may only be without me that you may find such i am not saying i would wish to be apart from you, though i know that is all that you see... harsh words....aggressive movements... i am too frightened to act upon any of it... so i sit here, and write... of nothing.. and you... i love you.... but no matter whether i speak or not... i cannot win... we don't seem to know how to just speak... i am as much to fault as you... though i believe myself to have been the firestarter to it all... you have no need for me here... unless you prefer the chaotic hell i put you through... do what you will..but none of my words have any effect... as you will see what you see... and there is no fighting against that to show you what's real... to show you my love for you... and how deep the river flows so deep and dark...as crimson... the blood of my heart, my soul.. offered to you...and you alone... we shall see what is to come of it... *bows out* Rhiannon Senna Mari

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock rest is nye impossible to reach everywhere my body aches & weeps throughout my mind, the universe throughout my soul the heart or hearts ripping thru me searing pain joyous cries & helpless things... nowhere to hide no resolution made only one in control of it and yet blasted in the contrary loneliness a step away emptiness never strays all the goodness one could want entrapped within a shroud of cold time makes no difference here it overlaps, though fleetingly passes the smile that awes me gives birth to the void i'm lost in and the time keeps on ticking the thoughts keep on ticking the emptiness is engulfing the good seems so unreal and so far where am i? what is there to do... when the worlds thoughts & emotions engulf my mind? now all i can hear is.... tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick.... *drops* *sighs* Rhiannon written 8-7-06

Torn Torn between life and death; Light and dark; Knowledge and stupidity. Torn between security and paranoia; Sureness and confusion; Feeling so alone, And yet, being all as one. So alone and so misunderstood An open mind contained In a closed-minded realm. Criticized and ostracized By all of those around me. So I write in a little book Searching for my light, my path. Not knowing what I know What is truth, and What I see Who am I? What is fact? What is fiction? Who is for me? Who is the new? Who is the true? What am I saying? What can I do? Who is my god/goddess? Where is my shoe?? ~Rhiannon 9/16/98

I am living in a swamp of confusion. Living in a swamp of uncertainty. And sinking deeper into a pit in which I’ve stumbled upon… Not knowing how I can escape. This pit, known as defeat Is trying to pull me into its world unknown… And trying, as it may, I have not given up… For I have something to grasp onto… A rope… of life, love, and light. A light so bright, I wonder how it came to be in a swamp so dark and dreary. The pit and the rope are opposites, Yet of equal strength they pull… Which will win me over? It’s like a tug-of-war, And it’s tearing me apart! I’m so confused! The pit is winning… I feel destroyed, defeated, I’ve nearly given up… But I can’t… I can’t give up! I’m just a few feet away from freedom… But a few feet too many, I’m afraid. I don’t know what to do… I’m so confused! …Wait…I get it now… I am the swamp…and the swamp is me… There’s no fighting it, now. Defeat is apart of me… How do you fight yourself? I feel as though I’ve been fighting it all my life… No wonder I always lost… it’s a losing battle… ~Rhiannon 10-28-96 revised 1-8-04