51302's blog: "Of Interest..."

"Senator John McCain is denying rumors flying around Washington that he recently went out drinking with Hillary Clinton. McCain's exact quote was, 'Five years with the Vietcong was enough'." --Conan O'Brien

Alternative ways to say no: I'd rather have my nipples chewed off by a pack of wild dogs. I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose until the back of his head caves in. I'd rather wipe my ass with a cheese grater. I'd rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol. I would rather stick my genitals in a bees nest. I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while being bitch slapped by a fat, mustached Greek named Spyros. I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum. I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire. I'd rather suck cow snot through a straw. I would rather sandpaper a wildcat's ass. I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle in the nude. I'd rather bungee jump with the harness tied to my penis with your mother lying naked in the landing zone. I would rather dry hump a polar bear in a phone booth. I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back and then find out it's the wrong one. I'd rather cram my penis in the ass of a bear with inflamed hemorrhoids. I'd rather have the ten strongest 300 pound linemen in the NFL play tug of war with my nut sack each side of 5 pulling a separate nut in a different direction. I would rather try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter-- and not a twist off either. I would rather have my lower legs stripped with a wood planer and then wear wool socks in August. I'd rather stick my nose up someone's ass after he just finished taking a wet, nasty dump. I'd rather shave my poison-ivy covered legs with a dull barber's razor and no water or soap. I'd rather french kiss a barracuda. I'd rather poke a Grizzly Bear in the ass with a short stick. I'd rather butt fuck a rattlesnake in a phone booth. I'd rather nail my penis to the middle of a 2x4 and set both ends on fire and try to get loose with a butter knife. I'd rather stick a Hartz flea brush up my ass and jog a mile. I would rather have blow Pee Wee Herman in daylight, after he just whacked off in a movie theater without a bag to put over his head. I'd rather drink for a week from the septic tank of the 700 pound man next door. I'd rather wipe my anus with barbed wire. I'd rather insert and break a slender glass rod in my penis then tie it in a knot. I'd rather lick the undigested corn from a crusty elephant's ass. I'd rather run naked through a rosebush garden then jump into a pool filled with chlorine. I'd rather ride a donkey naked through the desert with snapping turtles clamped to my salty nipples. I'd rather be tied to a chair and forced to listen to Barry Manilow tunes while having my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon.

The Washington Post's yearly contest where readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words -- and the winners are... 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not. - -- Henry Fielding

I just want to get this off my chest... My son, who lives in Tucson, was in the middle, turning lane, last week, when a car wanting to make a left hand turn in the opposite direction hit him, head on. The guy who hit him, backed up and took off. Another motorist who witnessed the incident chased him down and the driver returned to the scene about 10 minutes later. He apologized for the incident and exchanged info with my son who insisted they both wait for the police to arrive. (He called 911 when the guy took off.) It took over 2 hours for the police officer to arrive. During which time my son remained in place, out of the flow of traffic. The officer was seemingly upset about being called to the accident, as he immediately stated that someone was going to get a ticket over this. He wrote down the incorrect license info for my son, and then had thegall to issue him a citation for illegal use of turning lane. (He was stopped waiting to make a left hand turn! How was this illegal?) The officer would not listen to my son or assess the situation in a logical manner. He simply refused to consider the information given him by the complaining party (my son). I've advised him to go to the police station and ask that the report be amended with the correct vehicle information (which, incidentally, is registered and insured by me!) and ask that the citation be voided. If the city of Tucson does not cooperate in this matter, I have advised him to hire an attorney to seek recompense for the actions of the city and the motorist who is technically guilty of a hit and run! What on earth is this world coming to if we can not expect the aid and assistance of the police?

Often one dreams of beauty such as you. Often one misses touching it. Often one can only find words to utter how lovely you are. But I know what to say, beauty supreme.

How can you describe her beauty when words fail? How can you say she is precious when you are speechless before her? How can you tell her she is a special friend? One word does fit......angelic.

When the sky cleared, I see an angel appear. So lovely and sweet, someone I'd love to meet. For her beauty mesmerizes me. Enchanted, I follow her like a dream. For her beauty is pure, someone any would adore.

For the sun rises and the mist clears. A beauty I see from across the field, shining out from a crowd. Seeing her from afar like an angel up with the stars. Her beauty is pure and sweet a woman any man would love to meet. Thanks, Martin!!!

The porno of ChristmasBaby's life will be called ...

"Victory on Mount Venus"

'What will the porno of your life be called?' at QuizUniverse.com