Jess Engaged to Vagitarian my first love's blog: "New"

(first of all this isn't a cry for help or a suicide attempt...it was an accident, i shouldn't have taken so many but i thought i could handle them) so...unintentionally i took waaaaaay too many darvocet yesterday and had a near death experience this morning about 4am. i woke up freezing but sweating, my eye sight was all fucked up, and i couldn't walk straight to save me, i found the bathroom and puked for about an hour....and fell asleep there til my roommate just woke me up about an hour ago. he shook me awake because my skin was faded gray and he thought i was dead! he was crying when i opened my eyes... i'm scared to go to the doctor now....i never want to see opiates ever again. i'm still shaky from the side effects and wore out from the strain on my body... i'm not writing for u to pity me, but to understand...i will never ever pop pills after that again. i really thought i was going to die on the floor of my bathroom this morning, cold, scared, and all alone...i dunt wanna end it like that. ♥ jess

Even if it's just a rate and a few comments?? It all counts, and every one vote helps! Thank ya Mah Lovelies!!!

Ok, So...I had this discussion with a good friend of mine a couple of days ago about my opinion of golf. This is how it comes off to me. Golf is somewhat of a "sport", but honestly it's an excuse. I mean where else can a group of guys get dressed up and stand around chit chatting while walking around occasionally hitting a ball with a stick? You don't have to have any special abilities to play the game, no jumping, running, or intelligence is required. Just some khakis and plaid shirt and your set. Grab a couple of other gentlemen and TADAH you got yourself a gossip group tea party. Let's take a look at the similarities minus the tea and biscuits of course. Group of women - group of men. Formal attire - golfing attire. Gossip - Gossip. Special China - Special Equipment. My ultimate goal with this blog? Eh, just to tell ya that you guys are foolin' anybody, we know it's a social event. Enjoy. Not that golf isn't a great way to get out in the fresh air and unwind with some buddies, but it's honestly a tea party for men. Nothing bad about it. Just my view. Had to share...Can't wait to see what kind of responses I get to this ^_^. Have a great day my Lovelies ~Jess

The silence becomes a tomb my fists pound on the wood and my tears soak the padding I just want to escape run away from the pain but you're still there smirking down at me you tell me the things I do I do for you I wince when you walk near I fall asleep at night dreaming of a better day like a reel from an old time movie I see my life progress from happy frilly dresses to Depression and anger one day you'll know my pain one day I'll make sure you understand I can feel the pressure the dirt falls down I know the air is limited I'll save my strength Because I can dig a grave no one will ever find.

Just wanted to let you all know that he is in a contest and could really really really use your help!!!! If you have sometime just to drop a few comments and a vote that would be wonderful!!!! Thank you soooo much! I PROMISE TO RETURN ALL LOVE SHOWIN' TO HIM...

They just fucked over one of the few decent human beings I know. I don't know what to say....How can someone up there on the stand BALLING over his mistake...uncontrolably mind you, be a horrible dangerous criminal? I honestly don't know what else to say. I'm blown away...12 years for something that HE DIDN'T DO!!!!!!!!!!!! That's just completely fucked in my book. I hope the State's Attorney and the Judge read this. There are no words for how much I Hate the both of you...You made a huge mistake. Randy is innocent, he was trying to talk his friend out of robbing his neighbors....and instead Randy gets hit with 12 years out of his life. He's 28 years old. That's a looooong time. What can I do?? Nothing. I get to sit by and watch the justice systems fuck some body's life, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. So much for "Justice for All".

Have you ever felt like you accidentally hit the fast forward button on your life and every things still happening around you, but your only existing from a different perspective? Everything between now and September 25th, 2006 has seemed like this drama filled blur of events that I can barely remember details of. But I don't feel like I'm slowing down...only moving continuously, only just noticing the difference in my life. I cried tonight, it felt strange...all of a sudden WHAM felt like everything slowed down for a few moments and I realized all the shit I have waded through in the last 6 months. You know what I realized? I'm sooo happy my life was going on faster then me because any longer in any of that time of my life would have been inhumane to myself. That really sucks huh? I'm sitting here now shaking my head at myself with this twisted little smirk on my face while I feel the walls crumbling down around me. Honestly I would really like to crawl under a rock for eternity and cry. I'm tired, sad, and my heart hurts...not that I would ever want to END my life...just make it better...I'm sick of only existing, I'm sick of letting my life fast forward by me...So my new mission: Find the PLAY button. So I don't have to live in fast forward any more.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH. I WILL BE MIA ON AND OFF UNTIL I MOVE INTO MY NEW APARTMENT AND GET MY INTERNET UP AND RUNNING. OTHERWISE I'M BOUNCING OFF MY FRIENDS WIRELESS AND THE CONNECTION SUCKS....SO SOMETIMES I'LL BE HERE AND SOMETIMES I WON'T....BUT I'LL BE BACK SOON I PROMISE YOU ALL. WITH ALLLLLL MY LOVE!!!!!!! DAMN I MISS YOU GUYS :(. SO DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE ME LOVE I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN I PROMISE. MWUAHZ MY LOVELIES... JESS...