STEP 1, CALL 555-3423
ALL PPL WITH OCD (OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDERS) PLEASE PRESS 1 REPEATEDLY
ALL PPL WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDERS PLEASE PRESS 1,2,3,4,5,6
ALL PPL WITH PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE, WE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AND WE ARE PREPARED TO HELP YOU!
ALL PPL WITH ANGER MANAGMENT ISSUE PLEASE PRESS WHATEVER YOU WANT, WE ARE HERE TO ARGUE WITH YOU.
ALL PPL WITH DEPRESSION PLEASE PRESS 5 IF U HAVE MEDS OR 6 IF YOU DON'T AND SOMEONE WILL TRY TO HELP CHEER YOU UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. UNLESS YOU ARE TO FAR DOWN, IN WHICH CASE WE WILL REFER U TO ANOTHER HOTLINE. THAT MAY NOT BE CONNECTED!
ALL PPL WITH ANXIETY DISORDERS PLEASE PRESS 3 AND LISTEN TO THE RELAXING MUSIC WHILE WE STRESS OVER TRYING TO GET TO YOU TO HANDLE YOUR SHYT FOR YOU.
ALL PPL WITH UNDIAGNOSED DISORDERS PLEASE PRESS 8 AND A DOCTOR WILL TAKE YOUR CALL SHORTLY TO GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE (I MEAN DIAGNOSES) FOR WHY YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOURSELF AND REMAIN RESPONSIBLE AND WHY YOU NEED TO SUCK DRY ARE SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS AND INCREASE ARE WELFARE SYSTEMS BURDEN AND LOWER ARE PROPERTY TAXES AND RAISE CRIME ETC. ETC. ETC.
IF YOU WISH TO HEAR THESE OPTIONS AGAIN, DONT!! HAVE A NICE DAY!!!
LMAO BUDDY C...
