billerblueeyes's blog: "new beginings"

When I am upset I write to get out. I am so sad inside at this moment. Its been two months since i felt the love of my lifes touch. Two months since I felt his kiss. My heart is aching for him. I need to find away to be with him. Someone please help me. I am sad as hell! I cant stop crying and just feel lost. My heart is in Pennsylvania.....My heart aches! I love you! With all of me I love you! I know what we are is rare, pure and right. We will find a way, whatever it takes.

Just sitting here in reflection over the past few days. Decided to take a trip to see my baby Sunday. It was a fun road trip. The weather was perfect. It was sunny and cool with a slight breeze. I listened to the radio and drove fast. It was soothing to my soul for sure.

I spent the whole day with my baby in the mountains. Check out my pic and see what beauty I witnessed. I was so peaceful. The air was cool and clean. Their were butterfies and birds. I even seen a Ostrich! Don't ask! In the evening I was outside with my baby and seen stars! They were clear and twinkled. He saw shooting stars and made a wish. I was in awe of this little sleepy town. It was so quiet and cool. I felt like I was in another world actually.

I met his family and was floored at how kind they were. How welcoming they were to me. I was completely blown away by this place. Its peace and quiet. Its simple beauty. I came to realize something.

That taking a chance and following a dream is the biggest gift you can give yourself. To allow yourself to be free, love and be loved. Life needs to slow down a bit. When is the last time you took a walk in nature? Sat and just talked about old times? Smiled because you were just peaceful or layed your head on your lovers shoulder? I was witness to all of this over the last few days. I feel very blessed to have had this experience. My life and love for this man gets stronger everyday. Take the time to slow down! Look around, listen, laugh and just be. It's simply majical!

Are you ever so sure about someting that you don't even question it? I am! When you search all your life for something and finally find it! Thats how I feel. All my life, I have waited to find him. I have been hurt, used, and physically abused as well as mentally. I have endured conditional love. This time I am ready to give myself completely. To truly love someone with my whole self. Amazing how love can feel when its mutual. I am blessed. So my journey begins.

Its Sunday morning and I sit here thinking of all the things that make me who I am. Family, friends, coworkers and my son. My beautiful son! I had a conversation this morning with the man I believe to be the one. Yes, I said it. I wonder what my future holds. Ever feel so strongly about someone? Its as if you completely understand them. No matter what they say you just get it? This is how I feel. I know that this will piss some of you off but it is what it is. Respect the fact that I am into someone. Respect me and contiue to be my friend. I want no drama. I have peace for the first time in a very long time. I feel hopefull and understood. I feel beautiful and have never felt that before. People call me that all the time. In fact all my life. But, untill you feel it yourself it means nothing. I guess I know that what I have been through in my past is what makes me strong today. I love deeply and will never feel bad about that. When I decide to give my heart I do completely and with trust. Some may say you will get hurt! Yes, but thats life and if you don't believe you are worth it then you live a lonely life. I am ready again to be the best I can be and give my heart away. I am ready. All my life I have waited till now. My someday is here.