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jimmylovefl's blog: "my writings"

created on 11/03/2008  |  http://fubar.com/my-writings/b256751

My son

A Gift





An earthquake rattles my heart to the core.  A tiny hand was placed in mind.  I knew forever my life would never be the same.  

Those innocent fingers wrap around mine.  My heart has finally discovered love in all it’s intricacies.  

A fragile body lies before me.  Big blue eyes look up to me.  Almost every breath he takes is depending on my love for him.

There’s a moment as the tears fall down my face, hitting the leg of this precious life when you realize that nothing will ever separate me from the love of my child.

With my love and nurturing heart he begins to crawl, begins to walk, begins to talk.  With a joyful heart I cheer him on, letting him know just how magical every step and every word truly is.

My heart soars to heaven as the word da da comes out of those tiny lips.  But another word was spoken, not by him, but by friends, family and doctors.  

I felt the rumbles of the earthquake off in the distance.  A warning of what was to come.  I overlooked the ocean, asking God questions, trying to discover what these rumbles meant.  

Waves began to crash against the shore with every realization of the truth of what this means.  How could God do this to my precious child?  One simple word was spoken and again my life was changed.  Autism…

Tsunamis were now smashing against me.  One word had me beating my fists against the waves as they came crashing down all around me.

Before long I was drowning, gasping for every last breath.  The love that once warmed my heart was now choking it.  I smiled on the outside but inside there was a war for my heart to keep beating.

Small victories gave me hope, but each one came with another wave more powerful than the last.  When will the onslaught end?

Then suddenly a ray of sunshine hit my eyes.  Gentle waves rolled around the shore, brushing against my legs as I lay helplessly in the sand.  I was tired, wet, and had spent every breath I had.  

A tiny hand reached out and grasped mine.  He was oblivious to the inner struggles of my heart, still as innocent and pure as the day he looked into my eyes.  

A voice called out to me, not sure if it was God or the inner workings of my mind, but it spoke with so much conviction and truth that I couldn’t deny its simplicity.

This was God’s precious gift to me, and I wouldn’t trade him for any other child in the world.  A single tear rolled down my cheek and for the first time in a long time my heart was at peace as I held him in my arms.

His heart beat against my chest, his head fell to my shoulder.  Thank you God for this amazing gift!  Even though he was lost in his own world, it was as if he was speaking to me.  “It’s OK Daddy.  I love you too!”  

Once again I knew that nothing will ever separate me from the love I have for my child, my incredibly beautiful and special child.

A real man, A real love

If you want a real man who knows how to touch you in all the right places at all the right times. A man who studies the way you think, the movements of your body, to become a master at bringing your body to a state of ecstasy, then I am your man, but it requires complete trust and submission on the part of the woman, and an occasional firm hand to make sure you are obedient. Do you trust me? Even still your body may tremble with a combination of fear and excitement, causing endorphins to rush through your body. I'll tease, I'll tantalize until you are ready and found worthy to be sent to heaven over and over again! You come to pleasure me, because that is your ultimate desire, but somehow you always leave feeling like the one who was worshiped. Your life is held in my hands. More intimate and real than anything our feeble minds can imagine. You fight, but not to escape me. Instead you fight for the right to please your master, because you have given yourself to me, and my pleasure has become your craving. Like a drug that makes you come begging for more. Intoxicated, and inundated with nothing but the dreams of feeling the reassuring touch of your man, and those beautiful words, "Good girl, my sweet submission"

Fallen Angel

An angel once fell from heaven. Too curious about the world below her. Wanting desperately to find an imperfect love that she had only dreamed and heard stories of before. A love that stands the test of time, despair, destruction, sadness, and all the things the world would throw at them. To her that love was worth more than any love found amongst the perfect realms of the heavens. She wanted to feel. To feel everything she had never felt before. She wanted to feel pain and sorrow. She wanted to rescue and be rescued. So she roamed about the earth searching, but not quite sure what or who she was searching for. She had been scouring the earth from one end to the other for what seemed like an eternity. Desperately searching for the one who would steal her heart. She had crossed mountains and seas, but still no one had captured her soul. As she flew across the rocky landscape below her, a tear slowly dropped down her face. Hope was the one thing that had kept her sane for all this time. Every tear that fell to the ground caused a rose to immediately sprout from the earth and go into full bloom pointing to the radiating glow of her skin. Now faded slightly, but still more radiant than anything nature had seen before. She was traveling in the direction of the sun and at a similar speed so the sun always seemed to be setting and there was an orange glow amongst the clouds more stunning than she had ever seen. That's when she saw it. A twinkle of light off in the distance. A glimmer of hope came over her. But as she got closer it began to fade. She began to cry again. She could now see in the distance what looked like a broken and battered wing. Closer still, she saw what looked like a man lying on the ground. His angelic light was long gone, and his wings wore torn and battered. A sense of sadness filled the air. She could tell that this was a dark place. A place where all hope was lost. Was he still alive, she wondered. She landed among the rocky terrain not too far from where he was lying. He didn't seem to be moving at first, but as she got closer she began to see that he was crying. No tears were coming from his eyes. He had cried for so long that there were no tears left. Surely he had heard her walk up, she thought, but he didn't act like he noticed. She continued to walk closer to him. The closer she got the more she began to feel sorry for this poor hapless angel. Could this be her long lost love she had been searching for? This certainly was not the way she was expecting to find him, and this certainly wasn't the way she thought he would look. But there was something about him. Something beautiful! Something real! Her light started to shine bright again and a little smile came over her face. She called out to him in her angelic voice, "Arise my sweet angel." But there was no movement. It was as if he could not hear her. Then suddenly, as she got almost close enough to touch him she was abruptly stopped by what seemed like a glass wall between them. She placed her hands against the wall and called out to him again, "come to me my sweet angel, and I will take your sorrows upon me." As she finished speaking she saw him stop crying and look up. He slowly began looking around and you could see a slight glow return to his complexion. Could this really be her, he thought to himself. Am I imagining this yet again? He heard a voice that sounded so distant. It had been a long time since he had heard anyone's voice, and there was something about this sound that was so pure, so angelic, so perfect! Like a symphony playing in the halls of God's house. The more he began to think about it the more frantic he became. She could see him wildly looking around. He didn't seem to be able to see her. He had somehow been blinded by the hopelessness that he had been living with all this time. She began banging against the wall trying to get to him. She desperately wanted to rescue him from this hopelessness, but she couldn't get to him. Again she yelled out to him, "it is I your angel of light." She backed away from the wall and got a running start, slamming into it with the force of 10,000 elephants, but it didn't so much as budge. He was getting closer to her, trying to follow the distant sound of her voice. She fell to the ground hurt and broken. He approached the wall between them and could here her cries more intensely now. She was lying on the floor and a tear welled up in her eye. Again the tear hit the ground and a bed of roses quickly sprung from the ground, filling the rocky surface with a flower for every tear that streamed from her face. As hope began to return to him he could begin to make out the shadows of his love. And the beautiful colors of the roses were surrounding her. The tears he could now see in her eyes brought such sadness and utter bliss all at the same time. This was her! His angel! The one he had dreamed about so many times, but had begun to believe was only in his dreams. Could she be real? Could this really be her? He must rescue her from her sadness. He placed his hands against the glass wall that he had built around himself to keep the world out. With one small push of his hand it came crashing down, and shattered amongst the ground! The shards of glass disappearing into the air above them. His eyes were working perfectly now, and he could see lying in front of him the most beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes on! The glow from her body was so radiant that it warmed him to the soul. She slowly lifted her head. Her eyes caught with his and paralyzed him with their beauty. It was as if the whole universe had been placed inside of them. He fell to his knees beside her. Beaten and battered by the things of this world, he barely had the strength to walk over to her. She reached her arms out across the small divide between them, embracing him in her arms. In an instant, his body began to glow again. No words were needed. He had been waiting for her and she had been looking for him. Neither expected to find each other this way, but none of that mattered now. She finally had found someone to love. She could never have anticipated that he too would be an angel, fallen from heaven, and even still that he would be in such rough shape. But as he wrapped his big strong arms around him, none of that seemed to matter. They had found each other and nothing would tear them apart. At this point her desire to find love was overcome with a yearning to be held by him, to feel his body pressed against hers. She wanted to be as close as possible and to take all of his sorrows away. She wanted him to exchange his hopelessness for a desire to be with her. And by the smile that was now beginning to form on his face, she could tell that he felt the same way. She held his perfect face that was now beginning to look more and more luminous with every touch. She pulled his face toward hers and gently kissed his lips. As he felt her lips press against his he pulled her body closer. There arms now tightly wrapped around each other. They continued to kiss more and more passionately with each and ever breath. Unexpectedly, he had the feeling that he was weightless. He had never felt anything like this before. It was as if an electric current was flowing through his body. He wanted to touch every inch of her body, but somehow found himself paralyzed by her. She smelled like a field of tulips in the spring and tasted like the finest wine in all the land. It was intoxicating! She flew higher and higher into the sky, until they were amongst the golden clouds in the air. Their bodies entwined amongst each other. She could feel his desire. She could taste it in his lips. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had before, and her body felt pleasures like never before. It was as if every touch of his hand was filling her body with electricity. He opened his eyes, to see before him the clouds in the air and the ocean off in the distance. He was flying once more and had only just noticed it, because he had been so enraptured in his newfound love. At this moment nothing else mattered. He no longer had a care in the world other than to make her happy, and to have her next to him. He wrapped his wings around her in a blissful embrace! She placed him down on the sand of the beach. The waves were crashing on the Ocean. They stopped kissing just long enough to glance into each others eyes and see a desire like none ever seen before. She could feel his hips begin to thrust into her, and feel his manhood pressed against her. This made her groan with excitement! She wanted nothing more at that moment than to become one with him and to feel him inside of her. This was a new feeling to her. It was so strong that it was completely uncontrolable. She had never felt out of control of anything before, but her body was now his. She wanted to please him in every way! He felt a sensation in his groin like never before! It was a yearning that could only be stopped one way. He had to have her. He had to be inside of her to feel the warmth of her body from the inside. He wanted to hear the beautiful groans from her mouth of ecstasy. Every perfect hum and groan from her mouth only encouraged him to continue as he began thrusting himself inside of her. Her legs and wings wrapped around him. She could feel the power of his love and desire with every thrust and every sweet embrace. This was the closest to God she had ever felt. A new feeling was welling up inside of her. One she had no control over. Her muscles began to shake! Her body was tightening as intense pleasure shot through it. Her moans got louder and louder as did his. She could feel his body tense up and he began to scream with excitement. She felt his cum shoot inside of her with every thrust and a smile came across her face at the pleasure that she had brought him. He collapsed onto her body. Still holding her in his arms. "I love you!" He whispered as he stroked her beautiful face. "And I love you, my sweet love," she said as she rubbed his strong back. Nothing more needed to be said as they lay in the sand and took in the beauty of this new world!
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