jimmylovefl's blog: "my writings"

A Gift





An earthquake rattles my heart to the core.  A tiny hand was placed in mind.  I knew forever my life would never be the same.  

Those innocent fingers wrap around mine.  My heart has finally discovered love in all it’s intricacies.  

A fragile body lies before me.  Big blue eyes look up to me.  Almost every breath he takes is depending on my love for him.

There’s a moment as the tears fall down my face, hitting the leg of this precious life when you realize that nothing will ever separate me from the love of my child.

With my love and nurturing heart he begins to crawl, begins to walk, begins to talk.  With a joyful heart I cheer him on, letting him know just how magical every step and every word truly is.

My heart soars to heaven as the word da da comes out of those tiny lips.  But another word was spoken, not by him, but by friends, family and doctors.  

I felt the rumbles of the earthquake off in the distance.  A warning of what was to come.  I overlooked the ocean, asking God questions, trying to discover what these rumbles meant.  

Waves began to crash against the shore with every realization of the truth of what this means.  How could God do this to my precious child?  One simple word was spoken and again my life was changed.  Autism…

Tsunamis were now smashing against me.  One word had me beating my fists against the waves as they came crashing down all around me.

Before long I was drowning, gasping for every last breath.  The love that once warmed my heart was now choking it.  I smiled on the outside but inside there was a war for my heart to keep beating.

Small victories gave me hope, but each one came with another wave more powerful than the last.  When will the onslaught end?

Then suddenly a ray of sunshine hit my eyes.  Gentle waves rolled around the shore, brushing against my legs as I lay helplessly in the sand.  I was tired, wet, and had spent every breath I had.  

A tiny hand reached out and grasped mine.  He was oblivious to the inner struggles of my heart, still as innocent and pure as the day he looked into my eyes.  

A voice called out to me, not sure if it was God or the inner workings of my mind, but it spoke with so much conviction and truth that I couldn’t deny its simplicity.

This was God’s precious gift to me, and I wouldn’t trade him for any other child in the world.  A single tear rolled down my cheek and for the first time in a long time my heart was at peace as I held him in my arms.

His heart beat against my chest, his head fell to my shoulder.  Thank you God for this amazing gift!  Even though he was lost in his own world, it was as if he was speaking to me.  “It’s OK Daddy.  I love you too!”  

Once again I knew that nothing will ever separate me from the love I have for my child, my incredibly beautiful and special child.