Dr Sam's blog: "My thoughts and stuff..."

It is all coming to an end now Everything is coming to an end There are only seconds left All that we were All that we are And all we were ever going to be The dreams, the hopes, the love Remember all the little things we were going to do The things we should have done The things that really matter We knew better to procrastinate But we made it all ok in our minds All the dirty little secrets All the things we would ask for forgiveness for later There is no more later Later is now Do you remember the time when you decided To turn into something you didn’t want to be To choose the easy way But you never get away There is no easy way All the mistakes you were going to make up for later Are mistakes held forever Shame on us all For all we have done So full of disgrace Choking on our own Dirty filled up hearts Shame on us all May God have mercy on us now

You, you are the stars to me And you, you bring the waves to me This world of mine will never be the same Because you, you are the only thing That makes me want to feel alive With you I don't have to pretend That in my life there is a flame And no fears left to defend Just let me be with you I will never ever leave Just take me away with you I will never ever run away I, I now will close my eyes And I, will leave my fears behind This darkend place feels safe when you are here I will never be alone when you are near A world so bright, alive I feel with you The burden so light, and left behind for you I close my eyes and feel you touch me now Everything that lives inside burns with flame Just let me be with you I will never ever leave Just take me away with you I will never ever run away

Dear death, I can feel you coming The end is drawing near for me Bringing a desperate feeling God fearing, when you come for me I know it’s you that’s knocking Consuming fear, please set me free Is there a danger that you don’t know? Is there a God that loves your soul? Now you’ve seen the sun go down, Will you believe in mercy now? I’ve been fearing your coming The sun is setting down on me Feeding the desperate feeling Of when the gate will shut on me I can hear your knocking A dark black robe I’m going to see I’ve been screaming out your name Asking alone for one more day Every attempt is all the same To you my death is now a game At last you’re finally approaching The sun has gone away from me Leaving nothing for feelings And now the door has slammed on me There is nothing but knocking The daily grind for you I see If there’s a heaven than take me now I pray there’s a God that loves our souls I have believed in nothing else The questions, answered, in the place I go

Always try to break me down Feelings now have no feeling He tore them all away Laughing at the misery That he left me in his wake There was a day I could remember The feelings I once did feel The blackness filled void All that's left and all that's real There was a day I once could feel And these tears did not fall Fighting begets fighting The building of this wall I hide behind the fear you gave me The blackness of it all This rage I feel inside The pain builds up inspired Caged dogs in heat can smell the meat Saved energy for the fire I'm saving the siege I save it all for you I'm saving this thorn inside So you can feel it too Pent up pain fuels insane Feelings returned to the giver Could you hear my cries? Throughout the night Did you care that I was dying? This thorn in my side I can't take the feeling And now I'm here don't forget To return to you the bleeding Now it's done My pain set free A death to this feeling I could have done what you did Return all that you did to me But in my cage I turned the rage Into forgiving My leash torn free Now I walk away And you're on your knees Your age tore away your strength And now you need me

There is no one to take my blame If they wanted to There's nothing to keep me sane And It's all the same to you There is nowhere to set my aim So I'm everywhere Never come near me again Do you really think I need you I'll never be open again I can never be open again And I smile in my mind to pretend And I'll never be open again And I'll have no more dreams to defend And I'll never be open again

Downward Spiral Is Not Me Current mood: blank Category: Writing and Poetry Maybe I was wrong, Maybe you were wrong, Maybe it doesn't really matter. It's too late to place the blame, We ruined everything Maybe I was first Maybe you were first Maybe it doesn't really matter What we've got is an ending We must face. This is the hardest part. _______________________________ I was so afraid of us And now I know why You are dangerous Trying to keep up with you But you ran as I Learned what to make of us You are contagious. ________________________________ I am so afraid to move forward All the mistakes I made surround me So I run away I cannot face What I am throwing away It's just as well you could always tell When I was hollow I never asked for this, happy just to breathe But now what I've done here means nothing to me I look inside and I feel so small I am never good enough to become what you already are So I run away I cannot face What I am throwing away It's just as well you could always tell When I was hollow

Life discarded grace Trapped inside this place Emotionless we stay Because we hide our feelings Far from free And we can't stop bleeding On our knees Oh so gently we get by Barred from the sunlight Dreaming of blue skies Burning with hind sight Fearing with mean eyes Life without flight This doesn't feel right Burns like the light Now all I've come to realize I'm left with goodnight Souls lost in a lake Lost inside this place All our thoughts erased This will soon be over, nothing new You're my star shaped clover, that guides me through Oh so Gently we die Barred from the sunlight Dreaming of blue skies Burning with hind sight Fearing with mean eyes Life without flight Look at this new sign Diverse and divine Now I finally realize All that is mine So we'll keep on breeding this huge woe Because our wombs quit healing long ago Now you sit, on your throne Smaller yet, you have grown Used to be, close to home Now you feel, all alone Alone you sit, on your throne Without love, you have grown Used to be so close to home Now you feel real all alone Nothing left to call your own Feelings that you will never know Take the meat leave the bones Now you feel real all alone

What we have is real And what I give you is real So lost we are in time All that we are is here All we ever were, it’s here right now Dreams can come true You and I will still come true Don’t forget all the tears And don’t forget the dreams once made All you have, is now, the present that I gave So close your eyes Close those star filled eyes You were made for so much more than this You are so much more than this The stars collided and made you The most amazing light died for you The sun awaits to see your eyes And when it does the angels cry Hold my hand and let it go It’s ok to let it go No one is around but you and I now A breath a dream a fear of death and what it means I am here for you now, I am here for you now It’s time, right now I never thought it would be right now ……

Always try to break me down Feelings now have no feeling He tore them all away Laughing at the misery That he left me in his wake There was a day I could remember The feelings I once did feel The blackness filled void All that’s left and all that’s real There was a day I once could feel And these tears did not fall Fighting begets fighting The building of this wall I hide behind the fear you gave me The blackness of it all This rage I feel inside The pain builds up inspired Caged dogs in heat can smell the meat Saved energy for the fire I'm saving the siege I save it all for you I'm saving this thorn inside So you can feel it too Pent up pain fuels insane Feelings returned to the giver Could you hear my cries? Throughout the night Did you care that I was dying? This thorn in my side I can't take the feeling And now I'm here don't forget To return to you the bleeding Now it's done My pain set free A death to this feeling I could have done what you did Return all that you did to me But in my cage I turned the rage Into forgiving My leash torn free Now I walk away And you’re on your knees Your age tore away your strength And now you need me ------------- Did you forget this day would come? Did you think that I could? I saved this pain inside for you Bet you never thought I would It is time to bleed you down It is time to make you suffer Feel the pain just like you said In the end it will make you tougher

Love sought misery here is our stage. Strength alone can not take it all away Fear fought tears flowing from her pain And she'd be laying flowers for me today Night begets day and it's all the same A soldier of love I dug my grave Wounds cut deep the present that she gave Death tastes sweeter than love cast away Tempt not a desperate man in rage Hollow casket filled forever be my cage An empty body turned over to an empty page Fortune's fool I am today