Dr Sam's blog: "My thoughts and stuff..."

Temptation- Why won't you leave me alone? Lurking Every Corner, everywhere I go Self Control- Don't turn your back on me now When I need you the most Constant pressure tests my will My will or my won't My Self Control escapes from me still... Hypocrite- How could you be so cruel and expect my faith in return? Resistance- Is not as hard as it seems When you close the door I spent so long trusting in you I trust you forgot Just when I thought I believed in you... It's time for me to deal Becoming all too real living in fear- Why did you lie and pretend? This has to come to an end I'll never trust you again It's time you made your amends Look in the mirror my friend Let's stare the problem right in the eye It's plagued me from coast to coast Racing the clock to please everyone All but the one who matters the most Reflections of reality are slowly coming into view How in the hell could you possibly forgive me? After all the hell I put you through It's time for me to deal Becoming all too real living in fear- Why'd I betray my friend? Lying until the end Living life so pretend It's time to make my amends I'll never hurt you again

If there’s a pensive fear A waisted year A man must learn to cope If his obsession’s real The suppression that he feels Must turn to hope

Smashing binds of set silent signs That you were never for me Disengaged in fever rage Blinded now I finally can see

She was so gentle So soft in every way An inner innocense I tried to take away She was standing there With beauty upon her face There I was, next to her Full of my disgrace The reason I loved her She kept it deep inside All the things that I have done For me she would hide She must have loved me A secret kept put away The only explination For what she did that day .... rest of it goes police come to arrest me and she takes the fall... I am too lazy right now to finish but I will come back and do it promise

Comes Full Circle Always try to break me down Feeling no feeling They tear it all away Laughing at the misery They leave in their wake There was a day I could remember The feelings I once did feel The blackness filled void Becomes all that is real There was a day I could feel And these tears did not fall Fighting begets fighting The building of a wall I hide behind the fear you gave me The blackness of it all The rage I feel inside The pain buids up inspired Caged dogs in heat can smell the meat Saved energy for the fire I'm saving the seige I save it all for you I'm saving the thorn inside So you can feel it too Pent up pain fuels insane Feelings returned to the giver Could you hear my cries? Throughout the night Did you care that I was dying? This thorn in my side I can't take the feeling And now I'm here don't forget To return the bleeding Now it's done My pain is set free A death to this feeling I could have done what you did Return all that you did to me But in my cage I turned the rage Into forgiving My leash torn free Now I walk away And your on your knees Your age tore away your strength And now you need me

Always try to break me down Feeling no feeling They tear it all away Laughing at the misery They leave in their wake There was a day I could remember The feelings I once did feel The blackness filled void Becomes all that is real There was a day I could feel And these tears did not fall Fighting begets fighting The building of a wall I hide behind the fear you gave me The blackness of it all The rage I feel inside The pain buids up inspired Caged dogs in heat can smell the meat Saved energy for the fire I'm saving the seige I save it all for you I'm saving the thorn inside So you can feel it too Pent up pain fuels insane Feelings returned to the giver Could you hear my cries? Throughout the night Did you care that I was dying? This thorn in my side I can't take the feeling And now I'm here don't forget To return the bleeding Now it's done My pain is set free A death to this feeling I could have done what you did Return all that you did to me But in my cage I turned the rage Into forgiving My leash torn free Now I walk away And your on your knees Your age tore away your strength And now you need me

I never knew this could happen to me An easy feeling of tranquility We learned each other thoroughly I was drowning in your sea The shattered glass fell around me I never knew fragility Nothing in life is for free A shattered glimpse of what I could not see A fleeting thought so temporary Almost like you were a dream In the end my enemy Is the pain from my memory

This is not reality I am laying on the floor Staring at the wall Like the spider in the window Wish that I could speak Is there fantasy in Refuge God in politicians Should I turn on my religon These demons in my head tell me to I'm lying here in bed Swear my skin is inside out Just another Sunday morning See my diary on the newstand Seems we lost the truth to quicksand It's a shame no one is praying Cause these voices in my head keeps saying Love Just don't stop Reveal the word when your supposed to Withdrawn and introverted Infectiously perverted Being laughed at and confused Keeps us perfectly amused

Do you feel you don't know me anymore? And do you feel I'm afraid of your love? And how come you don't want me asking? And how come my heart's not invited? You say you want everyone happy Well, we're not laughing. And how come you don't understand me? And how come I don't understand you? Thirty years say we're in this together So open your eyes. People in prayer for me everyone there for me Sometimes I feel I should face this alone My soul exposed It calms me to know that I won't Blood...Heal me Fear...Change me Belief will always save me Blood...Swearing Fear...Staring Conviction made aware Give up on misery Turn your back on dissent Leave their distrust behind Wash your hands of regret Blood...Heal me Fear...Change me Belief will always save me Blood...Swearing Fear...Staring Conviction made aware Learning from misery Staring back at dissent Leaving distrust behind I'm inspired and content

If your tears could make a noise What would they sound like? If your voice could be seen Would I gain any insight? Morning comes too early and night time falls too late And sometimes all I want to do is wait The shadow I've been hiding in has fled from me today I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye But I will raise a shelter to the sky and beneath this star tonight I'll lie She will slowly yield the light As I awaken from the longest night Dreams are shaking Set sirens waking up tired eyes With the light memories all rush into his head By a candle stands a mirror Of his heart and soul she dances She was dancing through the night above his bed And walking to the window he throws the shutters out against the wall And from an ivory tower hears her call "Let the light surround you" It's been a long, long time He's had awhile to think it over In the end he only sees the change Light to dark Dark to light Light to dark Dark to light Heaven must be more than this When angels waken with a kiss Sacred hearts won't take the pain But mine will never be the same He stands before the window His shadow slowly fading from the wall And from an ivory tower he hears her call "Let the light surround you" Once lost but I was found When I heard the stained glass shatter all around me I sent the spirits tumbling down the hill But I will hold this one on high above me still She whispers words to clear my mind I once could see but now at last I'm blind I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye But I had given all than I could take And now I've only habits left to break Tonight I'll still be lying here Surrounded in all the light